Very sad and thinking
Tryingtolive
Registrant
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Very sad and thinking
- Thread starterTryingtolive
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Tryingtolive
I am sorry you are in such pain and going through a difficult time. I use to have days like that, just wanted to be alone and away from everyone. However, overtime I have somehow and I do not know how, being surrounded by people who make me feel human. This has helped immensely in feeling a sense of belonging. Maybe packing and moving away is not the answer instead find a group, an activity that you enjoy and can feel as though you belong. You said your family would notice you would be gone, maybe there is one or more in the family you can turn to and talk about how you feel. Only you know how they feel and believe.
I hope you find some sense of belonging to help you through this difficult time. We are here for you and I understand it is not face to face content, but how support is unconditional.
Kevin
I am sorry you are in such pain and going through a difficult time. I use to have days like that, just wanted to be alone and away from everyone. However, overtime I have somehow and I do not know how, being surrounded by people who make me feel human. This has helped immensely in feeling a sense of belonging. Maybe packing and moving away is not the answer instead find a group, an activity that you enjoy and can feel as though you belong. You said your family would notice you would be gone, maybe there is one or more in the family you can turn to and talk about how you feel. Only you know how they feel and believe.
I hope you find some sense of belonging to help you through this difficult time. We are here for you and I understand it is not face to face content, but how support is unconditional.
Kevin
Tryingtolive
Registrant
deleted
Tryingtolive
I am sorry your family cannot be of assistance. I guess when an abuser, any type of abuse, harms someone in the family many families sadly support the abuser and deny the abused. Why I have been told is to hide the shame of the abuse or their failure to stop it. I hope you are able to find someone you can talk and confide. Remember we are here so share as you need to share.
Keep well.
Kevin
I am sorry your family cannot be of assistance. I guess when an abuser, any type of abuse, harms someone in the family many families sadly support the abuser and deny the abused. Why I have been told is to hide the shame of the abuse or their failure to stop it. I hope you are able to find someone you can talk and confide. Remember we are here so share as you need to share.
Keep well.
Kevin
Tryingtolive
Your not alone in that feeling I feel that way from time to time less often since I started my healing but the urge to run and start over is magnetic at times. I realized that I am trying to run from my self. But in your situation you are still in the home where the abuse to place. Are you safe are you triggered constantly? That is what I would ask my self. Accordingly you should respond and if you need to move do it on terms that are good for you and make sense like job,place to stay, financess and So on. (((((Hugs))))) sending you support and compassion take care and we care.
Your not alone in that feeling I feel that way from time to time less often since I started my healing but the urge to run and start over is magnetic at times. I realized that I am trying to run from my self. But in your situation you are still in the home where the abuse to place. Are you safe are you triggered constantly? That is what I would ask my self. Accordingly you should respond and if you need to move do it on terms that are good for you and make sense like job,place to stay, financess and So on. (((((Hugs))))) sending you support and compassion take care and we care.
JayBro
Registrant
Hey tryingtolive,
I agree with much of what has been said above: if it is in the family, that makes it much harder, and certainly being in the location of the abuse only makes matters worse. Currently I am struggling with triggers as I am visiting my family and staying with them for 1.5 months and this is where my abuse also occurred. This is where I was during traumatic PTSD anxiety attacks. But maybe it is also my fault for exposing myself to further triggers? In any case, I can really appreciate your post... hang in there, you're not alone.
My next big hurdle is to fully protect myself and eliminate my guilt and anxiety.
I agree with much of what has been said above: if it is in the family, that makes it much harder, and certainly being in the location of the abuse only makes matters worse. Currently I am struggling with triggers as I am visiting my family and staying with them for 1.5 months and this is where my abuse also occurred. This is where I was during traumatic PTSD anxiety attacks. But maybe it is also my fault for exposing myself to further triggers? In any case, I can really appreciate your post... hang in there, you're not alone.
My next big hurdle is to fully protect myself and eliminate my guilt and anxiety.
Tryingtolive
Registrant
Jay bro.. i feel for you .. The hardest part is my family dont know of my struggle.. and i cant really talk about my symptoms with them.. And honestly living in my house where the abuse took place i feel like that be causing some triggers which im aware of some them.. like doors being closed and the shower running .. its very startling sometimes and makes me just stop and think.. im constantly reminded some days.. Then i just shut my self off the rest of the day .
UR goal is the same as mine my friend..
UR goal is the same as mine my friend..
Tryingtolive, I understand where you are coming from as my mother was one of my abusers. When I spoke to my father about it, nearly 30 years after the fact, his immediate reaction to me was, "No wonder you're so screwed up."
But on the other hand he was one of the people who urged me to seek counseling and he has supported me in the recovery which I am trying to work.
It was doubtless a huge shock to him when I told him my mother was one of my abusers, and after his initial unhelpful statement he has become a huge supporter. He even offered to pay for me to attend one of the WoRs this year, and I have taken him up on his offer.
I guess the point I am circuitously trying to get to is that maybe there is someone in your family you trust enough to speak to?
If not, then absolutely we are here to support you. Are you in therapy? I have found that to be extremely helpful.
Like you, I have felt the urge to just run away and live off the grid. However, one of the things I have learned from AA and other programs I have been involved in is that isolating oneself from others is not helpful. Problems cannot be run away from; they have to be faced and tamed.
I am wishing you peace and goodwill and a rapid recovery.
Mike
But on the other hand he was one of the people who urged me to seek counseling and he has supported me in the recovery which I am trying to work.
It was doubtless a huge shock to him when I told him my mother was one of my abusers, and after his initial unhelpful statement he has become a huge supporter. He even offered to pay for me to attend one of the WoRs this year, and I have taken him up on his offer.
I guess the point I am circuitously trying to get to is that maybe there is someone in your family you trust enough to speak to?
If not, then absolutely we are here to support you. Are you in therapy? I have found that to be extremely helpful.
Like you, I have felt the urge to just run away and live off the grid. However, one of the things I have learned from AA and other programs I have been involved in is that isolating oneself from others is not helpful. Problems cannot be run away from; they have to be faced and tamed.
I am wishing you peace and goodwill and a rapid recovery.
Mike
Hey Tryingtolove
I lived this way for about 40 years, got 6 kids and a bunch of grandchildren all of which have never been abused and all of them happy. My parents finally sold their house here in NY after I got married at 27and he retired and went to live permanently in their Florida condo where my mother spent the winter months from the time I was 13. I never went to Florida to visit them and I never knew any of my relatives simply because my parents never took me to any of them. My parents would come up for 2 weeks every year but left early because of nerve damage. First I got on her nerves then my kid and now my grandchildren. (I don't consider my kids or their kids as decentance of my parents. I guess like my kids my grand kids also get on their nerves. So they would leave after a week.
My parent's house was a museum with expensive shit all over the place. Engraved carpets around the dining room table. I wasn't allowed to walk into many of the rooms in their house except if I had to vacuum, dust or polish. I wasn't allowed to bring my friends into my house to play. Mine and my wife's house is kid proof, there is nothing to break. Toys are everywhere, kids are everywhere
So I have no family to talk to about my childhood either, and only have you guys to hear my venting or rants. We all can help in some way but you have to have a T and meds,
In January 2011 I accidently walked through the west village where I spent 7 years as a prostitute. Yeah, at 12 I started turning tricks and became a big drug addict by the time I was 14-1/2.
This is what I physically ran away from. Even my wife didn't know anything about me before my move to my new neighborhood. I finally told her my background in October 2011. I told her only that I was molested as a child and as the years past away she got to knows my whole story. Of course I never went into much of the gory happenings.
So I lived for about the past 40 years hiding my childhood. I had hoped to take all my shit to the grave but it was not to happen, The best you can do, unless you already have is get a T and a shrink to supply meds and start there and not run away whether physically or mentally. The combination of T and meds will stabilize you so you can straighten out your childhood puzzle and come to terms with it..
I do have to admit with all the help from my T, shrink, the guys here and my close friends here. I still have a problem with hoping not to wake up in the morning.
Take care of yourself
Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
I don't know if running away is helpful or not. After I got out of the USAF at 21 when I was around 22-23 I said I had enough of this shit - the game, the johns, my mother and college (I didn't want to become a doctor or a lawyer man) etc. From one day to the next I packed up my stuff and moved to a completely different County here in NY. Nobody knew me and I didn't know anyone, I had a new life. Nobody in my new life knew anything about where I came from or where I went to school or even the fact that I was in the USAF. Nothing, absolutely nothing did anyone know. I used to call my mother and my father would always take the calls in his house. He would tell me if she was up to talking to me because she usually wasn't feeling good. (I only called because of protocol and not having an argument the next week that I didn't call.) She never felt good. Talk to my father was like talking to a doorknob. Usually questions like "how's it going?" would get an answer "OK". So we always said hi bye.
I lived this way for about 40 years, got 6 kids and a bunch of grandchildren all of which have never been abused and all of them happy. My parents finally sold their house here in NY after I got married at 27and he retired and went to live permanently in their Florida condo where my mother spent the winter months from the time I was 13. I never went to Florida to visit them and I never knew any of my relatives simply because my parents never took me to any of them. My parents would come up for 2 weeks every year but left early because of nerve damage. First I got on her nerves then my kid and now my grandchildren. (I don't consider my kids or their kids as decentance of my parents. I guess like my kids my grand kids also get on their nerves. So they would leave after a week.
My parent's house was a museum with expensive shit all over the place. Engraved carpets around the dining room table. I wasn't allowed to walk into many of the rooms in their house except if I had to vacuum, dust or polish. I wasn't allowed to bring my friends into my house to play. Mine and my wife's house is kid proof, there is nothing to break. Toys are everywhere, kids are everywhere
So I have no family to talk to about my childhood either, and only have you guys to hear my venting or rants. We all can help in some way but you have to have a T and meds,
In January 2011 I accidently walked through the west village where I spent 7 years as a prostitute. Yeah, at 12 I started turning tricks and became a big drug addict by the time I was 14-1/2.
This is what I physically ran away from. Even my wife didn't know anything about me before my move to my new neighborhood. I finally told her my background in October 2011. I told her only that I was molested as a child and as the years past away she got to knows my whole story. Of course I never went into much of the gory happenings.
So I lived for about the past 40 years hiding my childhood. I had hoped to take all my shit to the grave but it was not to happen, The best you can do, unless you already have is get a T and a shrink to supply meds and start there and not run away whether physically or mentally. The combination of T and meds will stabilize you so you can straighten out your childhood puzzle and come to terms with it..
I do have to admit with all the help from my T, shrink, the guys here and my close friends here. I still have a problem with hoping not to wake up in the morning.
Take care of yourself
Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
