very lonely today

very lonely today
M

markgreyblue

Registrant
i have had a long day - and feel some desperation
at the solitude of my life,

i will seek others -

but i just hope i do not loose myself

and yet - i guess this is part of

humanity?

the wanting and yet - unknown dangers?

i can't wait to wake up and hug someone
again.

peace you guys - everybody.

love,

mgb
 
Mark,

I don't mind solitude when it is something I choose, but solitude that is imposed on us really sucks doesn't it? Yes, I do think sometimes that is just a part of life, but that's not the answer we want. I hope you find that someone special bro.

In the meantime, here is a ((((((((((hug)))))))))) from across the pond.

Much love,
Larry
 
hugs mark, I just want you to know I am thinking abut you. Hope you are doing ok, and handling life ok too, I think u r great guy ok, love your friend mike
 
Thanks Larry and Michael. Your replies are really nice.


It's Sunday, and for the first time in ages, I went to Church. I went to St. Paul's Anglican Church on Bloor Street East.

I sat there, and breathed in the quiet for a bit.

I felt an outsider at first, alone as the services had not started. But also because -
I was baptized Greek Orthodox and yet had mostly jewish neighbors, went to Catholic school and went to Bel Air Presbyterian as an adult for many years. ( I also studied Buddhism for 2 semeseters)

I definitely ascribe to a christian based life -
I feel the relations between us is what I choose to value - with you - each of you -

the money I have made is nothing - I would be dead if not for you all.


And so - I sat there - I recognized I felt an outsider - I collected some information - and
went to the smaller chapel where the early
service was to be held.

I listen, and felt an outsider -

But I knealed - and just felt the spirit of my golden retriever - tell me just lean your head on the pew in front - who cares what he is saying
it's been too long to be alone - it's been too fucking long -

I am going to lean my head like a dog on that pew and just feel at least the welcome -

I rested some and then started to listen -

I heard the words - but looked for meanings I felt ok with -

I heard encouragement and christ as a promise -
that even if your mind tells you that
you are not liked - or you choose to remember those words - of negativity -

Christ and the his life - was to say - look - this church is for you - this kingdom of
saints and community is to tell you -
to encourage
and reassure -
time and again
whenever you need-
to come heal

to not retreat into your mind -
and embrace the hurt -

but

to come out into the reality of thinking
you are valueable - which we are

essentially valuable -


it was nice -

there is space between us -
and we honor the forgiveness and the honoring of
mistakes and the room to try again.

I didn't take communion but I spoke to the
person who gave the sermon briefly -

the communion was too overwhelming to take -

but I may go back - for one - :)

I am glad the Queen has embraced Gay Marriage -
as Head of the Church of England this is marvelous -

Have a good Sunday friends -

Love -
Your brother as ever
Mark
 
I really love a humanity for each of us
 
thanks Mike :)
 
Mark,

I'm moved by the depth of feeling and experience expressed in your posts on this thread. I understand. I marvel at your courage.

I wish you good things, Mark. I wish you all the things that you long for.

((((((((((Mark))))))))))

John
 
thanks john
 
Mark,

Your experience in church today now becomes something for all of us to think about. Thanks for sharing that.

Much love,
Larry
 
Mark you truely are great, I hope the best for you this holiday season.

Sometimes dogs can be nicer than people.
 
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