venting

[SJ]

I just need to vent my frustration with how someone who is supposed to be there for you and protect you during your crucial time of development can do something so cruel and inhumane that will screw up you up for life. My husband was repeatedly sexually abused by his father for about 3 years starting when he was about 8 yrs old. His friggin mother did nothing to stop this abuse and allowed it to continue. As a consequence, he was left with serious trust issues, intimacy issues and sexual dysfunctions, constant fears and poor self esteem, extreme sensitivity, and a constant pathologic need to feel protected by the females in his life. He is unable to have any friend type of relationships with other guy because he constantly and subconsciously sees them as a threat. He feels more comfortable and safe being around females. Any friends he has had have been women, his job is in an office with women, he takes horse riding lessons with mostly women. And the funny thing is that there is absolutely no sexual attraction at all with all of this other females in his life. It is a miracle that we were able to concieve a child because of the lack of interest in sex and sexual dysfunctions which started immediately when we considered having a child. Thats what started the whole therapy cycle which eventually brought up horrible repressed memories of his abuse. Then if being sexually abused as a child was not enough, his parents condemned him for being shy, fearful, sensitive which further has really impeded his ability to try to work through all of his issues. His father has been dead for many years now and his mother continues to deny to this day that anything has happened but all you have to do is see the scars left behind by the abuse as well as read the posts from others on this site who experienced the same thing to know that he is not just making this up for some personal gain.
I'm sorry for rambling but it really pisses me off at times and sometimes I unfairly take out my frustrations on him and have said hurtful things.
Thanks to all for listening to my rants.
-Sandy

 

[Brian]

Sandy,

You have every right to be angry. It's not fair but we have to find a way to work through these issues or we continue to victimize ourselves. Keep posting here. It really helps to let out. There are many spouses and GF's here that will fully understand what you are going through.

Recovery is Possible!

Brian

 

[sweet-n-sour]

Dear SJ:
Welcome to Male Survivor, Family & friends forum. I understand the weight that you carry.
It helps to unload everything you feel...it may not exactly disappear but it does help to know that you are not alone in this. We all share the common fact that our husband's/boyfriend's/partners are all survivors and not only is it a difficult path for them to walk, we too are walking it as we offer them the best we can manage in support along the way.
Once again welcome!
Best wishes,
s-n-s