Venting, and asking for advice.
Kamiliukas
Registrant
I never reported it, because i dont have enought evidence, and im pretty sure nobody will believe me, and thats my story: Its so hard, its a pain, after everything, to see your abuser living good life. its a woman, she work at a day care , she is volunteer for few organisations, and for that she lately got a thanks on the paper for it, people are calling her amazing person, that everyone should be so lucky who knows her or meets her... Yea.. This breaks me, because what she did to me its unforgivable.. She raped me, then i sayed NO many times. She covered my mouth so i be quiet, telling me its ok. She was my moms friend, her husband left her on The streets because she cheated on him many times, so my mom invited her to live with us till she finds new home. After she moved in, everything started after few fckng days, she came in my room late at night, and woke me up sucking my D\*(sorry for language) , i was in chock, i was in fear... i tried to push her, told her no ovwr and over again, but she dont listen.. she told me to shut up because ill woke everyone up, so I just froze... Froze and did nothing... I dont know how or why did I get erection, i didnt want that, i wasnt sexually aroused, but my body, lower part told otherwise.. After shes done, she told me thanks, and that tomorrow she will wait for me in her room, because now we will be fwb. I dont know why i didnt run(I was a scared sad kid/teen, with divorsed parents, who doesnt give a f about me) i tried to tell it to mom, she told me its normal, im a man, i want sex and its my fault, i was almost 18(a lot of told me its normal, because i was almost adult, and later I was, so its 2 adults having fun time for them.that woman was 30\~. And it doesnt matter how old you are, rape is a rape) Im now 22, and its hurting me still, man dont want sex all The time as many can say, and the stereotypes about us makes me mad.. Like were not humans, were animals..., i cant even have sex after that, i have a gf, and we are making love maybe once in a month, because i cant, a lot of triggers bothering me, im scared for flashbacks, wasnt able to get a erection for half a year. Some friends, at that time, who i tried to talk to, told me im lucky, im like a real motherfucker, because that woman had a kid, so she for them is a milf. So the point is, im not lucky, it was gross for me, its still making me sick, and it always will, i have a big trauma with triggers, like those words(milf, motherfucker, even mom) are triggering me everytime i hear them.. And.. I cut off my "friends" and my mom. I change the country I live, and I fight everyday, its manageble, but u work hard every fckng day to survive..
Latelty I was wonderinf, maybe i should write an email to the place were she works, because its a nursinf home, so she is working with the old people who cant consent. But i dont know how to do it. Pls help.
Latelty I was wonderinf, maybe i should write an email to the place were she works, because its a nursinf home, so she is working with the old people who cant consent. But i dont know how to do it. Pls help.