Venting after a chat. . .

[AOAN72]

Hey guys.
I ran into someone in the chat room last night, a member of the site, I have seen his name around in different posts and such. He asked how I was and I told him I am working through the eventual probability of my marriage ending due to being gay. He eventually commented "well, if you want to be gay, be gay". This bothered me a lot because I have worked really hard trying to understand myself, some of my views, opinions, beliefs etc. I began seeking help not for myself, but for my son. Once I sat down and decided a completely honest, candid no holes barred look at me needed to be done, my true self began to emerge. I saw my first naked picture of a woman when I was 6, thanks to my step father leaving his porn mag open on the laundry hamper in our bathroom. It seemed wrong, and I was completely put off by it. She didn't seem to belong in the picture. The more I think about my orientation, the more I discover how gay I am. I am NOT ashamed of it. I feel actually really good about it, and it IS a relief. For the first time in my life I feel like I am fitting in my skin, and it feels REALLY GOOD. Everything seems to be lining up, I don't feel like I am sort of "off". God doesn't make mistakes, so there is a rhyme and reason for this. I take comfort that God has it in his hands. I know this other survivor has the problem with my views and it wasn't me. I just needed to vent, sorry.

 

[Pollux]

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[Rurai]

I am sorry that you got that response, I find the myth that we choose to be gay a particularly hurtful lie.
Keep seeking your own truth.
Good luck

 

[Ceremony]

A good vent. I'm glad you're finding your voice and working to manage your needs.

 

[Noah Barrett]

"If you want to be gay, be gay." Kind of makes it sound like deciding what car to buy. I'll say "be who you are, who you were born to be. be honest and true to yourself." I have a co worker who came out a few years ago and says since he did he's the happiest he's ever been. As he puts it, he let his hidden flame turn into a heavenly inferno. Gay/straight/bisexual, it doesn't really matter. You are who you are and denying will only cause harm. Loving who you are is an important step in finding happiness.


Despite the reason for your vent I believe this post would easily fit on the Progress Forum.
-Noah

 

[chairdesklamp]

I think I've jumped in and responded to one of your posts before. The latter part of this post made me smile, and I don't emote easily.

That chat guy sounds really dismissive. Does not sound nice. To me, I heard a parent telling a child, "Well, if you want to blow all your money on trading cards" kind of tone. What a loser. We're all here seeking understanding ourselves, ostensibly including him.

I feel the same way. God made me who I am, including my queerness. Same with you.

 

[AOAN72]

The other person in chat went so far as to tell me he couldn't believe I sounded like I wouldn't want to be intimate with a woman again, like he was offended? Isn't that was being gay is? If I thought his way, I would identify as Bi.

Anyways, I appreciate all of your comments. I still have a long way to go regarding the healing journey, but you all have been really supportive and I can't thank you enough for that.

 

[Pollux]

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[AOAN72]

I know right? I feel like some people have to try and convert me or just tell me to shelve my feelings. Some people are left handed, some people are not straight, no one knows why, it is just the way it is.