various personalities
I don't know if 'personality' is the right word for this but it indicates what it seems like to me.
An hour ago, on my way to work, I was feeling extremely, even maybe suicidally depressed as I was last night also.
I found as I walked in the door, however, that my personality changed dramatically. Upon being told almost immediately after entering that morale is really down here in all departments and even among managers, an upbeat, energetic, positive thinking personality took over.
My optimistic energy was/is focused entirely on work issues. It has pushed aside all the concerns/depression I was experiencing.
Now that I am sitting alone at my desk, the intensity has lessened significantly and I am, once again, feeling anxiety about my personal issues.
I know these shifts are a symptom of abuse but the ups and downs, shifts from one personality to another, so dramatically intense, are really wearing me out. I'm having difficultly allowing myself to sleep, as well, (mainly because if I don't I am afraid that my partner will expect me to sleep with him again, be intimate, and probably sexual). Also, I am not eating well.
Its somewhat better now that I generally have some concious awareness of where it comes from (I used to feel certifiably crazy) but is still draining leaving me with little energy to deal with anything else.
An hour ago, on my way to work, I was feeling extremely, even maybe suicidally depressed as I was last night also.
I found as I walked in the door, however, that my personality changed dramatically. Upon being told almost immediately after entering that morale is really down here in all departments and even among managers, an upbeat, energetic, positive thinking personality took over.
My optimistic energy was/is focused entirely on work issues. It has pushed aside all the concerns/depression I was experiencing.
Now that I am sitting alone at my desk, the intensity has lessened significantly and I am, once again, feeling anxiety about my personal issues.
I know these shifts are a symptom of abuse but the ups and downs, shifts from one personality to another, so dramatically intense, are really wearing me out. I'm having difficultly allowing myself to sleep, as well, (mainly because if I don't I am afraid that my partner will expect me to sleep with him again, be intimate, and probably sexual). Also, I am not eating well.
Its somewhat better now that I generally have some concious awareness of where it comes from (I used to feel certifiably crazy) but is still draining leaving me with little energy to deal with anything else.