Useful info from the Malesurvivor Conference

Hi All,

I attended all sessions related to female abuse and will be contacting the presenters to get copies of their PowerPoint presentations. I hope to post some info here.

In the meantime, I really found Captain William Carson's typology of female offenders to be very helpful. Based on my notes from the session:

1) teacher / lover:
- offender seeks loving relationship with troubled / needy adolescent
- usually women having marital problems
- offender views the abuse as a consensual love affair

2) seducer:
- not seeking a love affair
- seduces children for a variety of reasons, e.g. lust, power, control, revenge
- lack of empathy for children, children are merely objects

3) molestor:
- pre-adolescent victims
- were themselves abused as kids
- pedophiles - intense urges for kids
- victims may be their own biological children

4) helper:
- aids or collaborates with another
- can be an observer or procurer of victims

5) coerced:
- are being "dominated" into helping
- usually in an abusive relationship

also, females don't molest strangers...either they are in a "relationship" or are related to their victoms
 

catfish86

Registrant
It is amazing how truly studying and classifying is helpful in understanding and preventing. This is good information. However remember one of Murphy's Laws of Warfare: Professional soldiers are predictable, however the world is full of amateurs. Females don't typically molest strangers, however I am sure you will find somebody here who was such a victim.
 

Zkahtt

Registrant
These categories aren't cut in stone and often combine two or more of them in one person as well. My aunt was 18 and I was 3-4 being kept infantile by her and her mother. She loved the power and had the pedophile aspect but she also imagined I'd be her sex slave as a man so she was teaching me what to do, she also deluded herself that she was loving me and she was smoking pot quite a bit.
that is only one of my abusers. the others were insecure power seekers looking to dominate someone that triggered their insecurity, so they could feel powerful in the world.
And there is the category of people/women who just plain get off on inflicting pain and suffering on powerelss people.
I believe and remember some saying so that all of my abusers knew the long term damage they were inflicting on me and they got off on thinking about that as well.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Here is some info from Kenneth Adams' fantastic presentation on "Mother Enmeshed Men" (MEMs)...I had a great chat with ken and bought his book "When He is Married to Mom"


General Categories of Problems (for MEMs)
Disloyalty bind and subsequent discomfort with autonomy (find it difficult to merge and separate)
Feeling engulfed and fear of commitment
Avoid relationships or commit to quickly
Lack of clear sense-of-self leading to extremes of focus on others or narcissistic entitlement
Over-functioning (People pleasing, care taking)
Sexual dysfunction and compulsions
Difficulties with trust, others and self
Emotional difficulties -excessive guilt, passionless, rage , ambivalence, uncertain and indecisive


This was an interesting quote on commitment:

"At first, a MEM will be adoring, passionate, and enthusiastic, but one day without warning he will back away. As the connection turns into an opportunity to bond or commit, a MEM has a tendency to panic and want to escape. Even a small commitment like a movie or a travel reservation can seem overwhelmingly difficult."

he suggests coming up with a "relationship plan"...this is one example of such a plan:

1.Description of the vision and type of relationship you desire and the type of person you want to be involved with
2.List red flags, danger signals, that should alert you to step back, not try to fix or get over involved
3.Asses compatibility (must challenge cognitive schema that causes attraction to reenactment)
4.Have a bottom line, a willingness to end it if necessary
5.Other important matters to keep in mind (e.g., new beliefs)1
 

dark empathy

Registrant
catfish86 said:
It is amazing how truly studying and classifying is helpful in understanding and preventing. This is good information. However remember one of Murphy's Laws of Warfare: Professional soldiers are predictable, however the world is full of amateurs. Females don't typically molest strangers, however I am sure you will find somebody here who was such a victim.
yep, me. Bullying gone to far to the point of virtual gang rape by girls who I rarely even spoke to without getting lude and abusive comments back otherwise.

it's kind of difficult to think about enmeshment or the like when my memory is a girl attempting to force me to touch her chest while spitting in my face.

No wonder I hate s/x.

So what now? how do I try and grow up after this? what the hell is a relationship anyway and what is interest from another person. God I don't know! how do I stop becoming afraid and tense everytime I react physically? how do I become more than friends with someone?

How do I stop feeling worthless?

I wish i knew, but I don't, and none of the research I've done can tell me.

Just sit back and endure as I've always done.
 
Top