Used Porn as a release (*Triggers This Thread*)

[Michgem]

I don't know how many had/have used pron as a cover up or release from the CSA. I had myself so deep in porn and what is causes ever since high school. It wasn't till about a year ago it got to be so bad and I was viewing the most degrading porn imaginable that I had to get help.
I know the buried past and the obsession were destroying my life.
My counselor has help me stop all porn completely. I am so frustrated with what I have done and just want to make a clean restart to my life.

 

[newground]

Judging from the guys I talk to Porn is a really common problem man. try not to beat yourself up too bad. the release that comes is an actual drug of sorts. it is just held within our own bodies! and yes I am still addicted. not so much to the porn but to that release which still brings so much shame. I hope you can be proud of what you have accomplished you deserve that, and as far as the future... it is yours to create! I am sure it will be better
Jeff

 

[Jay1946]

My counselor has help me stop all porn completely. I am so frustrated with what I have done and just want to make a clean restart to my life.

I don't think you realize the enormity of your accomplishment. They say porn is as addictive as cocaine, so being able to stop completely is an accomplishment you should value yourself for.

From reading the posts in this website I've realized that addictions are frequently mentioned as a consequence of childhood sexual abuse.

Congratulations and our best wishes on your restart.

 

[robwk1988]

1

 

[Serious Dave]

Michgem,

It's great that you've taken control of your recovery in this way. It takes a lot of courage to do what you've done. I've always had porn around over the years. Tossed it all a couple of years ago, bought more a year later, and then tossed that. Right now, I'm with you in the porn-free zone.

Your strength inspires me!

Dave

 

[Seekingwisdom]

You're a real man in that you have courage to face the porn demon and strength in your desire for change, be proud of yourself!! I have had this porn addiction for most my life and admitting my CSA from both male and female has shedded light on why I have the addiction. I'm have heavy triggers to go back right now and I want to thank you for sharing your battle because I come on MS site today to seek hope and brother you've just gave me some THANK YOU you're the man and stay the course and do so at your own pace that makes you whole again thanks for sharing wisdom.

 

[JayBro]

Hi Michgem,

Good for you for reaching the porn-free zone! You have found some reprieve from a monster that many men have struggled with. As others who have posted on here, I have had my problems with porn. Not so much that it has been an addiction in my life, but rather it is something which causes me major triggers and there are sometimes moments when I unintentionally seek out porn which I know has been triggering but as a way to somehow "combat" it, "make sense of it," or even to somehow "save" the people in it. It is really weird. I myself was a victim of child pornography over six years and during that time also looked at regular porn sites perhaps as a way to normalize what was happening to me. As others have stated here, the release is a drug of sorts and for me, porn can be like a form of self-harming, such as cutting, which causes pain but a temporary release from emotional pain. These moments have greatly decreased for me but there are sometimes occasions when this affects me again. It is frustrating, but remember where those feelings came from- hurt from sexual abuse and trying to cope with it, sometimes your brain trying to make sense of it. It is also tremendously common for abuse survivors to still feel "attracted" to their abuse but only because of the impact it has had on their lives and on their brain-wiring. In some ways that attraction is a form of complex PTSD in which the body is re-experiencing these traumatic moments in the past. The brain often ties traumatic memories with physical sensations; when the traumatic memory was sexual in nature, what kind of physical sensations do you reckon would be coupled with those memories?

Once again, I wanted to commend you for your achievements and continued efforts. Your post really does come as a light at the end of the tunnel for many who are reading this.

 

[Bardo]

Congratulations on your new life! You are doing a very hard and very brave thing putting the porn aside and living your life in the here and the now. I have found that since I started therapy last November, my need to access the porn has decreased significantly, although not gone away entirely. I don't know if I can live life as a "casual" porn user, but that is where I find myself today. I guess that will have to do until I get your courage. Keep it up!

Freeman

 

[wareagle]

Michgem,

The porn use has probably affected all of us at some time ... it usually goes with masturbation but not always. Congratulations on stopping the cycle!!

For the rest of us the cycle continues. Breaking it is the hard part. You have to peel the porn (and maybe the masturbation too) layer off by itself and determine what triggers you to use porn (stress, boredom, procrastination) it may take a while to figure out what causes you to want to go sit in front of an inanimate object for hours a time. Then you can reboot ..... learn about rebooting from porn over at www.yourbrainonporn.com its a great resource for helping to overcome this piece to the abuse puzzle.

I hope this can help someone understand why they consume porn and more importantly how to stop.

Stay Strong!!

 

[1lifenow]

There is nothing wrong with porn. There is nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality. Its not either/or. Healthy expression of sexuality is about enjoying and expressing your heart and inner most desires between two consenting adults or viewing pleasurable things that bring no harm in the making.

 

[Jay1946]

Thanks to wareagle I learned of the website www.yourbrainonporn.com
and through this website I discovered www.rebootnation.org Both are excellent resources that have helped me greatly to overcome my addiction to internet porn.

The problem is not porn in and of itself. It's internet porn. It is instantly available and the constant release of dopamine that it triggers overwhelms our brain which is not built for such overstimulation. One of the consequences is that "real life" sexuality is no longer sufficiently stimulating. I was shocked reading in rebootnation.org the posts of so many teens and young adults who are already experiencing ED as a consequence of internet porn abuse. Many young guys have resorted to taking Viagra (and similar) on a night out to ensure they can perform. The good news is that it is reversible within a short period of time (usually 90 days).

 

[smc1972]

I hope to maybe reach a point where I am not addicted to porn but I don't think I can deal with that and CSA at the sametime. To me i turn to it when stressed or down which is quite often. Then I have the guilt that follows but I can't bring myself to stop. It has been something I have looked at for over 30 years and have kept hidden for the last 15-20 years. It is one of the things I hate about myself and use to look at myself as not a normal person.

 

[Hoping4Peace]

Porn for me was/is an addiction.. wasting countless hours and entire nights. I have been married for 35 years and I also feel it is in a grey area of being unfaithful. I have been dry for two months now, and this site really does help. Horrible degrading things are out there...

When I feel myself being drawn to it, I find that if the wife is away or uninterested that if I MB and get it over with that I can stay away from it entirely, but it is so seductive. I have some good memories of fantastic sex with my wife that I can fantasize about that does the trick and I really think it is healthier- does not feed the perverted inner child. I will probably have to do that this weekend as Wifey is away.

All the best men in your struggles!

Ausitn

 

[Nothing Man]

I think part of the reason why masturbation becomes a release for so many of us is that it allows us to find some sexual satisfaction without having to touch another and thus, according to dysfunctional thinking, harm another. It is a very safe way to find a moment of pleasure for those for whom sex can be equated with "badness" or evil.

 

[Jay1946]

I feel it is in a grey area of being unfaithful.
I will probably have to do that this weekend as Wifey is away.

My most challenging and difficult times are when my wife is away and I have the house to myself. If I don't check myself I could spend the entire day bingeing. So, on those occasions I make sure I don't stay home, and engage in other activities with people.

My marriage is very important to me. Thus, I have taken the position that viewing porn is a form of infidelity. That's how my wife views it. I get away with it because I find ways of doing it without my wife finding out.

But, I am battling this addiction, because I know that if I didn't care about my wife's feelings and continued viewing porn, it would cost me my marriage.

 

[Serious Dave]

""real life" sexuality is no longer sufficiently stimulating."

I found this true for me in that it got to the point where I would rather MB with porn than have sex with my wife. That became a problem because sometimes she would want it right after I just got done with the porn. On those occasions, I was the one who had to fake the headache.

One possible reason is that porn is very visual, and sex with my wife was not (lights out). They say the most important sex organ is the brain. I believe that. During sex with soon-to-be-ex-wifey, I had to visualize what I could in my mind to add to the physical sensation. With porn, it's all right there; no imagination needed. Orgasms were always stronger with porn than without.

Another thought is that, sex with the wife becomes routine. Porn provides endless variety.

The foregoing are thoughts on why we are attracted to porn. I don't use any longer, nor do I condone it.
____________________________________________________________

A thought on the social/moral impact of porn:

Having been abused, I am not comfortable supporting an industry that systematically abuses people.

Dave

 

[smc1972]

I think part of the reason why masturbation becomes a release for so many of us is that it allows us to find some sexual satisfaction without having to touch another and thus, according to dysfunctional thinking, harm another.

I agree with you in that for me I can be alone no worries of what the other person might think of me. Just myself pleasuring myself for the simple gratification. I do feel guilty and this k of myself as pathetic at times cause of this. I try to avoid it but I find myself at a point I can't then just spend hours with it. It is a roller coaster to me. I know that masturbation is a normal healthy thing it is the porn part and my own thoughts that bother me so much.

 

[Searching13]

porn is so easy to access, so I commend you on your achievement! I too struggle with this on a daily basis...my church tells me that porn is evil and not to engage in it. But even when I try to stay away, I always go there, especially if I am alone and my wife and kids are out. Even when I am watching and feeling aroused I know I shouldn't, but its like I cannot stop myself. I've used porn, masturbation, and sex with my wife as a stress less. I remember when I got the news that a close relative was nearly dying, and I needed to get to the hospital asap, BUT all I could do was have sex with my wife before I could face the stress of it all. I feel guilty, but its a stress release for me. anyone else experience the same

 

[30something]

Good work, Michgem. I can relate with the struggle to quit. It's an uphill battle and I'm glad to hear you made progress.

Searching13-- welcome! I'm starting to see how I disassociate during sex in general. It's all a stress reliever or an attempt to gain control over anxiety-inducing events that I in no way can control. I don't even know how to be intimate with my spouse while being mentally present. At least with porn/solo sex, I'm not inflicting not-present-me on her.

I'm hoping to avoid porn (and just MB without visual stimuli) and start a sex life with my spouse that is healthy. A long road ahead of me.... Know that you're not alone, Searching13. Best wishes.

 

[14by10]

It's great that you are breaking away from this addiction!

What has helped me is to stay away from what I call temptations. These are sexual scenes from movies or TV, or it can be something else like advertisement that show people in very revealing attire. These are the beginnings of slippery slope.

Once you figure out a way to not get tempted and stay away from these as much as possible it gets easier.

Good luck with continued healing.