Up all night

Guys,

Couldn't sleep tonight and so I spent the whole time up trying to figure out where I'm headed and why. And damned if I have an answer.

I feel more and more f***ed up as each day passes. I know I am doing everything thing I can to get better, but it seems to make it even worse.

Maybe it's because instead of trying to ignore all of the crap, facing it is painful. They say ignorance is bliss and I think I understand that.

So when it gets like this, what do you do to take a break from it?

Marc

 

[crisispoint]

Marc,

Yes, facing this stuff is painful, and yes, one needs to take a break from it.

What I do when I have the time is to watch a movie or read, something I enjoy, because I can let my mind relax while it's distracted.

Or I meditate. Focus on my breathing and the tides of life. When I micromanage just the simple act of breathing and relaxing my muscles, it takes everything away.

I'm taking this discipline with me everywhere I go. No, I can't break out my lotus position when I teach ( ), but I can bring up an image of a peaceful place and focus on everything there. For me, it's a beach. I feel the breeze on my face, smell the salt in the air, watch the waves crash on the shore, hear the birds and the roar of the water. Just completly lose myself in the image. I find it only takes a few minutes to relax myself. And when I have to use this in bed, this can help me sleep too.

And that's been VERY important over the past few days.

Peace and love, Marc. I'm here if you need me.

Scot

 

[phoster]

there were points along the way that i looked on the years of denial with envy. i felt like i was better off not facign the truth, because the truth was bitter and painful. then i had to be honest, i wasnt happy then either. as hard as looking at what happened was, at least it offered me hope of someday being happy for the first time. at least each thing i faced felt like it took me a step closer to finally rising above the pain. i guess, i'll never be totally free of the effect it has had on me, but at least i am closer to being there. i look at my relationships and i know i am better off for taking that hard look.

hang in there. we all have rough patches. you'll get through it. just be kind to yourself, let other people be themselves, and be true to who and what you are. it doesnt matter what anyone else says or thinks.

jeff

 

[outis]

Marc,

One thing that I tried was to do new things. There are a lot of things I wanted to do over the years. I mentioned a few times the "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain" book. I probably should go back and work on that some more, but the two or three chapters I did do helped me. Right now I'm studying a new (well, new to me, anyway ) language, and reading translations of some of its literature.

I picked up a couple sci-fi anthologies at the used book store this week and returned to something I have loved all my life.

Maybe you can find the things that you always wanted to do and start on them, or return to something that has always been enjoyable but recently neglected.

HTH,

Joe

 

[fusionoflove]

That's your attacker talking to you, not you. He's telling you over and over that you're not in control of anything, that your life is meaningless and that you'll be used again in any manner that someone wants in the future.

His is for me, but I find that any negative thoughts that I have running through my brain actually have a positive message behind it. Such as, "Your damaged goods and nothing you do will be positive." This is just an example, but I think that what the message is truly saying is, "My attacker made me feel like damaged goods, but I'm not. I want to do positive things in life, but I have to accept that I was a victim. If I don't realize what happened to me was out of my control I will continue to carry around a negative image of myself and the attacker will win."

Someone once said, that violence against violence only breeds more violence. That's how we initially combat these questions, negative versus negative. Combat it with love and compassion. Allow your soul to speak to you.

I hope some of this makes sense.

 

[yesac76]

WHen I feel like that, I just hang on and ride out the storm. I talk to the guys on this site. Sometimes I write about what I am feeling. That has always got me by in the past, and it still helps ALOT!
Casey