unpopular perspective, questions I shouldn't ask?

unpopular perspective, questions I shouldn't ask?

pedropedro

Registrant
so I was thinking that although almost all men and most women, including a significant minority (though, alas, a minority) of feminists have been supportive of *me*, the number of feminists who I *truly* believe care about men as a class is smaller than the number who have sexually assaulted me..... this is why I truly don't believe feminism is about equality, even though many individual feminists may believe they believe in equality. I'm having trouble reconciling this with my desire not to be a misogynist, and not to be accused as such by family and friends. I never really considered myself a feminist, but how can I reconcile *these* regulations with my own morality? Or is it even *my* morality? Am I a horrible person?
 
Spend some time with misandrous women. Any echoes of your own misogyny may become obnoxiously loud to yourself. It's okay to not like some people, individual women that harmed you included. Women belonging to a group of "feminists" happens for many reasons, most of which are not altruistic in nature.
 
so I was thinking that although almost all men and most women, including a significant minority (though, alas, a minority) of feminists have been supportive of *me*, the number of feminists who I *truly* believe care about men as a class is smaller than the number who have sexually assaulted me..... this is why I truly don't believe feminism is about equality, even though many individual feminists may believe they believe in equality. I'm having trouble reconciling this with my desire not to be a misogynist, and not to be accused as such by family and friends. I never really considered myself a feminist, but how can I reconcile *these* regulations with my own morality? Or is it even *my* morality? Am I a horrible person?
feminists say they believe in equality but their actions speak differently. Why is it that girls have joined and taken over Boy scouts, so now it's only called Scouts, the badges become so "flimsy" easy to obtain, and yet, if a boy wanted to join "Girl Guides" he would not be permitted. He would not be allowed to participate in any so called girl sports but a girl can join any boys sports she wants. This is not equality. And one thing. I really think that boys of the age of 11 - 14 really need their time by themselves as a group without girls around so that they can learn to bond, learn socially acceptable behaviour and blow off steam withing the ranks of only boys being around. That all being said, yes, abuse can happen, but, hopefully with proper controls in place, abuse will be extremely rare, even though we would all like it to be non-existent! Perhaps this is where we can teach boys about what is acceptable socially, and what is not accepted sexually. Yes, boys of that age group are full of hormones they are not used to yet, but with guidance from older boys and the adult leaders, they will learn how to accept them and express their new bodies. Do I make sense?
 
I actually think people (esp women) will care more about men as a class when more men, especially male survivors, have the guts to come forward, including our negative experiences with feminism, which many of us have had. If only it were that easy.
 
so I was thinking that although almost all men and most women, including a significant minority (though, alas, a minority) of feminists have been supportive of *me*, the number of feminists who I *truly* believe care about men as a class is smaller than the number who have sexually assaulted me..... this is why I truly don't believe feminism is about equality, even though many individual feminists may believe they believe in equality. I'm having trouble reconciling this with my desire not to be a misogynist, and not to be accused as such by family and friends. I never really considered myself a feminist, but how can I reconcile *these* regulations with my own morality? Or is it even *my* morality? Am I a horrible person?
Let's put it another way: a political movement seeks something, doesn't matter what it is. An observer wonders how effective that pursuit is, and how it affects different groups of people.

Generally, representatives of the movement respond as though observations and criticisms will automatically be used to frame it as an ineffective or even bad movement, in this example.

This makes it difficult to get to the bottom of whether the movement is useful or not. But certainly the average feminist, who appears to be fighting battles from the 1970s on the one hand and on the other ripping themselves apart over trans issues on the other, is nearly impossible to talk to about issues. All most feminists, near as I can tell, want from men is support, and nothing else.
 
Something to add, on a personal note: I feel very frustrated by the fact that to this day it is almost impossible to explain to 99% of people I meet my fear of being accused at the drop of a hat. This is a genuine fear; it has recently sent me into a spiral of depression I cannot seem to get out of. I actually took time off work because I found that I could not rest, was having major flashbacks and a sense of gut wrenching terror.

When I was young, false accusations damaged my life and tore my family apart. The madness was that my family could see hints of my abuse but it was never confronted directly. All it can take is a word from a woman or girl to do this kind of damage. Yet feminists only see damage when it is done to women.

This is not just a characteristic of feminists; it's a characteristic of leftist progressives. In general, they will determine who is being mistreated by society, and then in every case they judge that such people are deserving, whereas people characterized as powerful or effective must be undeserving. They do not stop there though; they lie outright when this is observed and say that that is not true, and that raising such concerns is just a way to avoid accountability. Since this ideology is everywhere in education, workplaces, and government, and since its advocates never admit that they can sometimes be wrong and unfair in their application of the pursuit of things like diversity, reduction of workplace harm, etc, I never feel safe around such people. Furthermore, once one is perceived to have been wrong it doesn't matter if you formerly fitted into one of the categories of historically mistreated people; failure to toe the line means that you are a traitor as well as a wrongdoer.
 
I'm having trouble reconciling this with my desire not to be a misogynist, and not to be accused as such by family and friends.
I'm seeing two related, but quite distinct fears here: fear of being a misogynist and the fear of being accused of one.

The first fear is a good one. In essence, it is just a narrower version of fearing being a bad person. This can drive some introspection into your own moral beliefs, and that sort of thing can help us be better people.

The second fear is less helpful. Ultimately, avoiding any perception of bias may not even be possible given the shear number of views out there. Take for example, going out to a meal with a woman. If you pick up the check, some might call that misogynistic for failing to let her split the bill as an equal. If you split the check, some might call that misogynistic because it is inequitable to expect her to pay half the bill in light of inequality in pay. And if you avoid this situation by simply never going out to a meal with a woman, some will call that avoidance misogynistic. I'm not saying that any of these views is necessarily right, but somewhere out there, there are people who would agree with each of those opinions.

Bottom line, is that given the diversity of viewpoints on some questions, it will be impossible to act in such a way that everyone will always think you are being fair. It is good to worry about whether or not you treat others fairly, and it can be helpful to hear the views of others, but ultimately forming our own opinions about what is right and what is wrong is both our greatest freedom and greatest responsibility as moral beings.
 
I think what @Silverhand has written above is quite helpful. Unfortunately, often there is nothing we can do about the appearance of ourselves and our actions. Sometimes, the best we can do is to know our own truths, even if no one else understands. That thoroughly sucks, but sometimes there's no good solution.

It may not be much, but your truths are recognized and affirmed in this space. We believe you.
 
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