unexpected trigger

unexpected trigger
C

cat lover

Registrant
Hi guys. A couple of days ago, I received an email from an online florist I'd used 3 years ago to send my ex flowers for his birthday (today). I have no intention of sending him flowers, and the email, while they were trying to generate repeat business, was an unwelcome intrusion into my recovery. I really didn't want to think about him, about how he date raped me, etc. I don't know if I would've thought about him or not from some other trigger. Anyway, I decided to be intentional about using today for ME and celebrating MYSELF. So I went for a 42 mile bicycle ride with a friend. A second unexpected trigger happened then. We changed our planned route somewhat, and ended up riding by a (beautiful) natural landmark where I had once gone with my ex. I apparently got more quiet and inside myself than I realized because my cycling partner asked me if I were angry with her. I assurred her that I was not. I didn't cry or tear up, but I was withdrawnn for a bit.

That's my check-in.
 
cat lover -

a good idea to celebrate you.

sounds like a good thing - to bike ride with a friend. get it out - all of it.
 
CatLover - You have the right moves...get out, refocus, redirect your thoughts and energies! Memories do cause us to withdraw - it's normal, human, expected! But it also sounds like you picked yourself up and "rode on". Don't be too hard on yourself...expect some bumps in the road. Just don't crash because of those bumps!

Howard
 
Cat Lover,

I like the way you refocused after the first trigger - you could see that what really matters here is your own recovery and that's what you need to work towards. Good for you.

As for the second, did you notice that your friend could see something is wrong and asked you about it? That's pretty cool as well - you have people around you who really care about you.

Much love,
Larry
 
I realize there is a piece I left out of my check-in from yesterday. After my bike ride, I chose not to attend my French conversation group. There is a guy in my group who knows my ex's parents, and who sometimes (unsollicited) tells me about them. I usually try to steer the conversation to something else when he does that. Yesterday I just didn't want any more triggers so I was intentional to stay away. It felt like taking care of me. Instead I relaxed from my bike ride in a bubble bath. :-)
 
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