Understanding why

I had become friends with a man after a break up of dating for many years, we were only friends, rarely seeing one another, mostly for birthday and xmas gift exchange, all was well, but them something happened, I got sick at work and fell down stairs and he took me home and got me groceries, I felt that this freind really cared, then he dropped me off at home, and saw stew in my cupport, and flipped, he thought I set him up for having accidnet to fall down stairs to get him to take me home and get him in my apartment and get free food. I never in my life heard of a more nonsense thing to say, then I go back to work, and he put a block on me and told my boss I was harrassing him and set me up with the groceries, gets more craxy, then I so stressed I have panic attack, he gets up with that, and then ruins my name at work, saying I am crazy, but then warns me on phone he ruined me at work, says he is crazy, he cant help it, sorry, and to still keep in touch by email, so I am like, why did he turn on me at work to be a freak when we were friends the same day, I dont get it, I dont get the things he does, like everything is a set up or people out to get him. the second attack, ambulances came, so it was no set up by me, what in his head would make him think something so irrational, and then turn on me, not only that, but to our bosses and ruin me in the workplace forever, what do I do, how do I stick up for myself to a man who did me wrong, but I dont want to hurt him anymore, why did he do this, cant get it, so hurt.

 

Im thinking, could this becuase he is embarraced that I know, as sometimes he likes to see me, other times he feels disgusted, I think he wished to take back that I knew so that his life would be normal again, but would that be the case?

 

[An]

Hi Helping2ways,
Yes on what you're thinking as to the whys. Try to get a copy of Victims no Longer and read the chapter 22 for Friends and Family - it's exactly what happened. that after sharing, he will have mixed feelings and the irrationality is his fears unacknowledged and thus going haywire.

I know my guys behaviors sometimes made me question my grip on reality and that's where the book and understanding where the irrationality comes from made me so much more able to handle it healthily- both for me and for him. But how awful that it did damage at your workplace! and you're between a rock and a hard place with that situation I realize because you can't explain the guys behavior to your employer- I hope you can find some comfort and answers in the books and here. I can't imagine having processed through my guys behaviors productively without these resources. Take care,An

 

[An]

Hi again helping-

had to mention too that for me, when i read about the trusting cycle and how it arouses intense fear because they have trusted us, and thus , like you experienced, just after the best of times, is the worst of times, seeing why made me keep my sanity. And trust the good times. it actually told me the good times were as real to him as they were to me, only because of the different places our psyches are in, our reaction to the good times of trusting is opposite. For now, I'm just taking comfort in knowing that his experience of trust and comfort was real and powerful for him- when the time is right he'll use the power for instead of against himself - I celebrate the trusting times and come here and everywhere else that offers me insight and understanding so I can be transcendent during the "blackout" times.

easier said than done though I know, and I especially feel awful that he did damage to you workwise.
is he at all into recovery? I would have no hope if my guy hadn't begun recovery and didn't want it badly (in spite of his hesitancy and understandable approach-avoidance to it). But if he wasn't working on recovery, it would just be a vicious cycle as you mentioned- i know I'd give up then.
You've made me think that I've got to talk to him about us making sure that at least with every one step back, we manage two steps forward... you've got me thinking about ways we need to perhaps try to plan for that the next time things are going good.... take care-
(ps i'm a female partner of a survivor)