Uncomfortable with unexpected touching

Uncomfortable with unexpected touching
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EGL

Registrant
Whenever someone inadvertently bumps into or touches me, I feel very uneasy, even to the point of having physical shivers and being what I would think as overly startled. For example, tonight I was washing dishes at our church's soup kitchen and someone brushed past me unexpectedly because there wasn't much room between me and the wall behind me.

When coming into contact with others in an expected manner, such as hugging relatives goodbye, etc., I feel normal with that, except if it is a male. Years ago, a male acquaintance hugged me goodbye unexpectedly and I nearly jumped out of my skin and he noticed it as well.

Is this normal for other males that were sexually abused by men as children?
 
I think it is very common thing. I have never liked touch really, expected or unexpected. There are two people who can hug me, or I can hug, at any time and be all right with that. There is another that I am getting to that point with, but as he is a survivor friend, he has his boundaries also. It is sad, because appropriate touch is supposed to be very therapeutic. But we have been so violated that we can't feel comfortable even with safe touch. I think it does get easier through time. Good luck to you.

Leosha
 
Even though I didn't tell my wife about my abuse until 3 yrs ago, she has as long as I can rememeber commented on how I avoid anyone touching me. I work for the gov't in the field of education and unless I initiate the touch, I don't even like high school age kids touching me! Coworkers have for years laughed whenever a person would walk up and hug me or put an arm around me, because they say I will back away. I don't even notice that I'm doing it. I think it's common for us. My Dad has never abused me in anyway. He has always been there for me and now I can't hug him. I just can't!
 
I believe it is normal to feel this way because you have been wounded so deeply, and this uneasyness you are feeling is a coping mechanizum that you have created to try and make sure that intense wound does not get rescared. I am sorry that you are going through this but you must always remember you are not alone. The abuse you indured was not your fault and you have nothing to be ashamed of. As mentioned above by others I do not believe this will last forever I think in time the uneasyness will pass. I wish you all the best and if you ever want to talk just pm me anytime. Your friend malidin.
 
I don't like unexpected touching and then expected touching is sometimes not good either. That is one of the reasons why I dont' like to be in crowds because it is inevitable. The more people there are, and the more I don't know them, the more space I want.

One place I worked (and it seems this way in Miami for some freaking reason) people think they have to greet each other and say goodbye to each other with a hug and a little peck of a kiss. I CAN NOT stand that! It drives me nuts. I've sort of learned to be on the look out for it and run the other way, but geeeesh, people don't even think - they just do it. It catches you off guard and I find it every where I go down here.

Don
 
I feel that way myself though not as much as I used to. When I do now it is in response to all sorts of touch from the sort of thing you describe to sex with my partner.

When I have lunch with a survivor-friend, we practically fight over the seat that has the wall behind it so that no one will sneak up behind us, come up without being seen.
 
In any public place, I always make sure I sit in a way that no one can be behind me. I want to see everything that is going on and I will actually request a different seating location if it doesn't work out for me. It is a big issue with me.
 
Boy do I understand how you feel. I am the same way, nearly jump out of my skin whenever touched unexpectedly. I hate being touched anyway, even by family, but when unexpected it is harder, even a pat on the back or shoulder. People have tried to get me to get a massage to relax me, but I almost got one was and was terrified. I know good touch can be good, but even good touch can be scary.

I think that this is normal, being touched is hard because we learned that touch can hurt and terrorize. But I think, and hope, that in time it will get better like all things.

scott
 
I think that it is an individual thing. I like being hugged and I like to hug. I do not get startled at expected touch at all. But a surprise touch from behind gets a reaction from me.

It would depend on how the touch happens and where it is. But in fact I do not mind touch, enjoy massages, chiropractic etc.

Bob
 
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