Uncle Kenny

[roadrunner]

Jay,

I am so glad to see you have made these first big steps. As I said earlier, we have to give the blame back to the abuser in order to see that none of this was our fault at all.

This doesn't just mean the abuse, but also the things you did later. You did those things because you had no sense of sexual boundaries...what was right and wrong for you.

It hurts to make these discoveries, but this is what recovery is all about: seeing and BELIEVING what was really happening. Don't think you were stupid! You were just a little kid! Almost any boy will be an easy target, not because he's stupid, but because when he is so young he doesn't have the resources to say no, or even to think of how to stop things. I remember when I was first abused I just froze. I didn't like what was happening and I was confused, but the abuser kept telling me "this is our secret" and "other boys do this", and that just mixed me up even more.

Feel free to say exactly what you feel here, but try not to blame yourself. You are doing a very brave thing just talking about all this here.

Much love,
Larry

 

[John Oarc]

Jay, I have found myself in the same situation many times. I know what is right, I know what happen was not my fault but sometimes it still gets to me. This is what comes to mind; we know nuclear war is destructive and could kill us all but there is not much we, as one person can do. However we as a collective body can do something to change things and that is what we are doing right now, collectively trying to help each other stop the crazy crap keeping us from living a fruitful life. We can stop nuclear war and we can help each other get on with our lives. It takes help and some time, therapy was my way out and writing things out of my mind was very therapeutic. For some reason seeing my thoughts on the screen in front of me made them more clear and as I re read them it helped put things into perspective. Stay with it and stay with us here at MS.

We love you and we are for you.

 

[WalkingSouth]

Jay,

I have to say, I'm impressed with you. You are really doing quite well, believe it or not. You need this anger you are experiencing. My only caution is that you vent your anger in a safe way. I know you will, I can tell by your posts that you are a good person.

These realizations you are experiencing are some of the first remarkably large steps you are taking. And you are doing it while still young. That is such a positive thing for you.

Most of this stuff will probably seem like a hard pill to swallow, and in many ways it is, but on the other side there is a whole new life waiting. One in which you can live confidently, learn to truly love, and to trust. The journey on this path of recovery may get to you sometimes, but believe us when we say it is worth it.

Most of all, Jay, you are WORTH IT.

Remember, you are loved.

John

 

[Jaysen]

So Larry, I did those things because I had no sense of sexual boundaries... can I still use that excuse? just kidding... I don't mean to make a joke out of it either, just have to laugh sometimes.

After the last three days I can say with confidence that I blame my uncle for everything that I've done, right or wrong, since the abuse. And guess what... I believe it. So now I guess the trick is to keep believing it and putting an end to the "bad" things I do as a result of the abuse? Is that it? It's not as easy as it looks.

John O I know exactly what you're saying about seeing things on the screen... It wasn't real to me until I wrote my first thing about it, went back and read it, I thought "holy shit, this is me". I mean I knew it happened, obviously, I knew I needed to get help somehow, I just didn't really accept that it all happened until I read it back to myself. And for the record John O, I think preventing nuclear war is easier than getting through this BS! Don't you?

John thanks for saying you're impressed, you're the first one who ever said that to me. My own father is the first one to point out all of my flaws and mistakes, etc... So thanks, that means a lot to me. Vent my anger in a safe way... no worries, the only person I feel entitled to hurt is myself. I'd never say anything, not even in anger or a rage that would hurt anyone. That's not me. I'm looking forward to getting to the other side of all of this, maybe once I'm there I can help someone else.

Thanks all...