ugly

ugly
T

Trevor

Registrant
i dont know how to talk about
this or how to explain it but
ill just ask does anybody evr
cut or do stuff to try and make
themselfs ugly? cuz i feel bad
cuz my sistr is always giving
me compliments and saying im
handsome and shit and i flippd
out on her cuz it reminds me
of something and i cant tell
her waht it reminds me of cuz
im embarased so i told her to
just STOP and she said ok
but i remembr when i was at
home with them and i would
try and get all dirty or i would
cut myself or try and eat a lot
to get fat and try somehow to
just be ugly so they mite leave
me alone but it nevr worked. and then
get punished for trying to do stuff
like i burnt myself w a cigarette once
so stepdad burnt me with his cigar
and i ate something of his that i
wasnt sposed to one time so he wouldnt
let me eat anymore. then i got real
weak and it was easier for my brothr
to get me so then i was nevr allowed
to eat with them. but i just always
tried to be ugly. cuz evrytime him
and his friends did sex stuff to me
they would say if i didnt look so
good they wouldnt want me. or that i
was hot or whatever. i didnt get it
at first then one of them showed me
what he meant. i cant talk about
that. but im just wondering if anybody
else has feelings like that
 
I used to do things to make my self "unappealing," stupid things, and i'd get my self hurt by pulling shit like jumping off balconeys(amounst other things shouldnt jump off of)messing up my self and bikes on ramps and stuff, or picking fights, which i still do, just to make me seem like i was something tehy wouldnt want to "play" with.
When I started, cutting it wasnt to make them not want me anymore, but when they figured out that i was doin it tehy kind of, slowed down a bit i guess you could say. If you need anything just pm me.

Good Luck
- Adam
 
ya i did it to. cut so they
would notice and just 1 time
one of them said something
to my brothr about maybe we
shouldnt cuz look at him.
but my brothr didnt care
 
Trev and Adam,

A boy who is being abused will often be told that the abuse is happening because he is handsome or has a good figure, so the boy soon comes to conclude that the abuse is HIS fault. He thinks that if he didn't look attractive he would have been safe.

This is just not true. If you check with guys here you will find that SO many of us - and we all look VERY different - were told "wonderful boy", "beautiful boy" and other similar things while the abuse was happening. That doesn't mean we were causing the abuse. That just shows how sick predators are when they get off on hurting kids.

It's part of their power trip. The abuser isn't really getting turned on by the boy's appearance - he's just enjoying the fact that he can do THIS much harm to a kid and the boy is helpless against him.

After the abuse stops some teens feel very guilty about what happened, especially if they don't have anyone to talk to about it. Again, they start blaming themselves and asking things like "Why didn't I run/say no/tell?", etc. They feel they deserve to be punished so they do it themselves: cutting, burning, drinking, drugs, fights, running, etc.

That's why one of the most important things you can do here is TALK. Whatever it is, just let it out. That will keep the bad feelings from building up, and as you have already seen a lot here, you will get told over and over ... It wasn't your fault. You have done nothing to feel guilty about.

Much love,
Larry
 
Sorry, when I posted the above I didn't know yet that today is another "Just fuck it" day.

Soooo....edit>>>>> FINE! Whatever. FUCK!!!!!!!! :mad: :mad: :mad:

And no fucking love for ANYBODY!,
Larry
 
im sorry larry i
dont meen to be like this
 
Hang in there, Trevor. I used to cut. I have problems with eating--getting too thin. I know sometimes we post replies here like we can just solve everything if we do whatever. I know that doesn't work. But I also know it wasn't our fault. Saying, If I looked different or ugly or beautiful or whatever it wouldn't have been done to me--that's like saying I had control. And I didn't.

It wasn't our fault.
 
Trev,

I know you don't. It's okay.

Much love,
Larry
 
We all have our days--------------------at least I know I do.

I understand how you feel Trevor.

At least feelings change and do not remain the same all the time,,,,,,,,,,,there are good and bad feelings,

just hope you have more good than bad
 
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