Typical anxiety

Typical anxiety
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Dan88

Registrant
I don't understand why I do this to myself. This morning my boss said he wants ten minutes with me. I say I need 20 minutes to finish something up, can it wait. Fine. We agree to meet in 20 minutes.

Then the thought hits me. He's going to fire me. He's furious with me about something. I'm about to get into big trouble. In my mind, I'm already job hunting, selling things to make ends meet, explaining the embarassing mess, etc. etc.

Then we meet and it's about some routine business matter. Perfectly pleasant and then back to work.

And I just want to yell, what the fuck is wrong with me? I'm not five years old. I'm 42. The whole thing is ridiculous.
 
Yeah, I know what thats all about. Thats just anxiety and probably some low-self esteem. Both of which were effects of the abuse.
 
When I was a kid, and for many years after, I thought that all of my parent's arguments were about me. That carried into adulthood. I thought every meeting between managers was about me. I couldn't stand being asked to a boss's office, did much the same thing you did today.

Things are better now, I've been working for myself for nearly 8 years, eliminates all those work and authority problems. Of course, every time my wife is unhappy or irritable, I figure it must be my fault. I guess maybe it'll never go away, but it helps a little to know what it's about. Peace - John
 
Dan88,

Know exactly what you mean. You think the absolute worst is about to happen. Still get the occasional one of those. Sux doesn't it.

Happened a couple of years ago with a different boss. Stopped by and said our VP wanted to see us. I was in a cold sweat. Turned out I received an unexpected bump in salary and was granted stock options.

It seems that no matter how many times we are validated the effects of the SA can pop up and make what should be a non-event or a positive event something very stressful.

Keep fighting Dan.

Zipser
 
Or, how about when a cop stops ya. Geez, you would think that I'd just robbed a bank or something, the way my heart starts pounding.

Ya, some things will never change. But we can know that for what ever reason someone wants to "talk" to us, we don't have to panic, we don't have to think that the sky is falling...even though it may feel like it.

Sometimes I have to revert to my three basics that I've learned while recovering...

Keep thinking.

Keep breathing.

Keep praying.

I haven't had to follow that pattern for a little while now, but I know that I've got it in my arsenal when I need it.

You're a good man, Dan.

David
 
I have the same reaction. If there is time to reflect, I try to remember that; Hey, I have been to the bottom several times and realize that it is not the end of the world and may even be a great opportunity!

Then, like you said, it is usually nothing but a routine meeting. I hate when those old insecurities sneak in. Probably everyone feels that way to some extent, survivor or not. I know that it has to be more intense with people that have been traumitized by an authority figure.
 
I really suffer from this stuff too.

It's a nightmare I allways think the worst and imagine doom and disaster.

Even if things are going well I worry about what will happen to stop it.

It has a real bad effect on my marriage aswell as I'am so unable to just enjoy the moment.

"Of course, every time my wife is unhappy or irritable, I figure it must be my fault."

I also think that all the time too!
 
Wow,
It's like you all wrote my stories about anxiety attacks. It was an anxiety attack over nothing that actually got me into recovery. Three months after that anxiety attack, I am still waking up at about 5:00 AM every morning, in a sweat, wondering what terrible thing is going to happen to me today.

Friday afternoons to Sunday mornings are the easiest for me. Sometime on Sunday, I start to worry about Monday.

I try to be thankful that I made it through another day, but part of me gets anxious about tomorrow!
 
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