(TW) my childhood experience

Someguy

Registrant
So I’m new here and this is the first time I’m talking about it. I’ll give the general synopsis but open to going into more detail with individuals in private.

basically from the age of 8-14 I was continually molested and forced to service my older brother. He would make me service him n would touch me. He would also physically beat me

it lives with me everyday. I’m married now to a beautiful woman that doesn’t know everything but knows I was abused by him.

I like to consider myself straight but there’s a part of me that craves being a submissive to a man…is that normal? I’ll why I have these urges because the only experience I had with a guy was traumatic but now it seems I’m craving it
 
Welcome & so sorry to hear about what happened to you. I'm glad you found this place. You will find plenty of people here to speak with & share what you are going through. I'm still relatively new here as well but I have found everyone to be extremely supportive. Good luck moving forward.
 

Someguy

Registrant
Welcome & so sorry to hear about what happened to you. I'm glad you found this place. You will find plenty of people here to speak with & share what you are going through. I'm still relatively new here as well but I have found everyone to be extremely supportive. Good luck moving forward.
Thankyou very much
 

CarbonTiger

Registrant
I'm sorry, and I know as a stranger those words may not mean much. But, I whispered them because I mean that. You did not deserve that kind of abuse or any kind of abuse from your sibling.

Welcome to MS, may you find comfort, friendship and healing on your journey.

I wish you peace along the way! Be well,
Ct
 

Dan99

Registrant
It's not my house, but I'll say welcome, too. Let me also say how sorry I am that you went through this. As you look around the site I think you'll find lots of helpful information and fellowship.
 

Someguy

Registrant
It's not my house, but I'll say welcome, too. Let me also say how sorry I am that you went through this. As you look around the site I think you'll find lots of helpful information and fellowship.
I appreciate it, ty
 
Yes, it is normal to want to recreate the abuse we suffered, in whole or in part. There are lots of men here that have questioned their sexuality based on their childhood abuse. It is also very natural to be curious about same sex encounters, with or without childhood sexual abuse in one's past. CSA can block those natural sexual explorations and development. I'm sorry you went through your abuse, and hope you can find healing here.
 

Someguy

Registrant
Yes, it is normal to want to recreate the abuse we suffered, in whole or in part. There are lots of men here that have questioned their sexuality based on their childhood abuse. It is also very natural to be curious about same sex encounters, with or without childhood sexual abuse in one's past. CSA can block those natural sexual explorations and development. I'm sorry you went through your abuse, and hope you can find healing here.
Thankyou. I just have to figure out what to do with these urges
 
Thankyou. I just have to figure out what to do with these urges
I was single when my attraction to experiment with men sexually came out and wouldn't go away. So at the urging of a therapist a few years back I got online and had a date with a gay man. It was the first of many. Your marriage likely doesn't afford you that same freedom.
 

Someguy

Registrant
I was single when my attraction to experiment with men sexually came out and wouldn't go away. So at the urging of a therapist a few years back I got online and had a date with a gay man. It was the first of many. Your marriage likely doesn't afford you that same freedom.
My wife knows about my urge to try being submissive…she’s a sub too. She just doesn’t know my urge to serve a man. However she wants a threesome with another guy so it’s possible
 
Welcome and sorry to hear about what your brother did. I too was abused by my older brother. Your feelings are certainly normal for a victim. Are you seeing a therapist? If not you should consider it. May I ask how much older your brother was?
 

Someguy

Registrant
Welcome and sorry to hear about what your brother did. I too was abused by my older brother. Your feelings are certainly normal for a victim. Are you seeing a therapist? If not you should consider it. May I ask how much older your brother was?
I just started seeing one. He was a few years older
 
However she wants a threesome with another guy so it’s possible
My brother was 2 yrs older. I cannot imagine a threesome ending well for your marriage considering the abuse and all. I think it would just complicate things even more. But I'm not a Dr or a Psychologist so I don't know much. That would be a great topic to discuss with you therapist. It could go wrong in so many ways. You also need to consider STD risks. As a gay man I can tell you that guys who are looking for these one off hookups are not to be trusted when discussing STDs. They either have no idea because they never get tested or they are lying. If you were single I would say have at it but since you are married there is a lot more at stake. But again this is best discussed with your therapist.
 

Someguy

Registrant
My brother was 2 yrs older. I cannot imagine a threesome ending well for your marriage considering the abuse and all. I think it would just complicate things even more. But I'm not a Dr or a Psychologist so I don't know much. That would be a great topic to discuss with you therapist. It could go wrong in so many ways. You also need to consider STD risks. As a gay man I can tell you that guys who are looking for these one off hookups are not to be trusted when discussing STDs. They either have no idea because they never get tested or they are lying. If you were single I would say have at it but since you are married there is a lot more at stake. But again this is best discussed with your therapist.
I will but if my wife wants to play, I want her happy . Just finding the guy for her is the hard part.
 
I will but if my wife wants to play, I want her happy . Just finding the guy for her is the hard part.
Wow, that's complicated territory. Hope you have thought through all the possibilities, good and bad? In general these situations require strong relationships, and it seems too easy for it to go very wrong, in front of your wife.
 

Someguy

Registrant
Wow, that's complicated territory. Hope you have thought through all the possibilities, good and bad? In general these situations require strong relationships, and it seems too easy for it to go very wrong, in front of your wife.
Go wrong how?
 
Since you are just starting therapy its too risky to introduce something so dramatic as sex with another guy (since you are married). So much can go wrong. This might be a good topic for couples therapy since your wife is pushing it. Think of it like this, you are presented with a door. You are told that if you open the door one of two things will happen. Either something good will happen (but we don't know what, perhaps a new car, house, lots of money, or free meal at McDonalds) or there will be a man on the other side holding a gun and he will kill you. You can choose to open the door or walk away. In your case I would image the worst case for you would be either you or your wife contracts HIV and or divorce. These are not mutually exclusive outcomes you could have both. But you have no idea if any good will come from it.
 

Someguy

Registrant
Since you are just starting therapy its too risky to introduce something so dramatic as sex with another guy (since you are married). So much can go wrong. This might be a good topic for couples therapy since your wife is pushing it. Think of it like this, you are presented with a door. You are told that if you open the door one of two things will happen. Either something good will happen (but we don't know what, perhaps a new car, house, lots of money, or free meal at McDonalds) or there will be a man on the other side holding a gun and he will kill you. You can choose to open the door or walk away. In your case I would image the worst case for you would be either you or your wife contracts HIV and or divorce. These are not mutually exclusive outcomes you could have both. But you have no idea if any good will come from it.
I mean condoms would be used
 
I mean condoms would be used
That's what everyone says until it doesn't happen. You can also get it orally. I have one friend who caught it that way. You may run into guys who are on Prep which is a drug that prevents you from contracting HIV. It seems to be very effective. However if someone brags about being on Prep you need to assume they are also having unprotected sex. It really is a mine field of unknowns and things that can go wrong even if you planned it all out. You know what they say about the fog of war, every battle plan falls apart when the first shot is fired. I don't mean to be so negative but since you are not actively sleeping with guys I'm just pointing out all the things that go wrong that you may not think of. Talk it over with your therapist and take it slow.
 
Top