Turning a corner?

PRFL

Registrant
I wonder if I'm turning a corner in my recent emotional storm. Maybe because I slept so much better last night, it seems like things resetted and shifted in my brain. I've been obsessed with my T, terrified that he would reject me, obsessed about what he might say, do or not do.
I'm starting to see it differently.
I've been stressing about the fact that he's taken the therapy slowly. Very slowly. Excruciatingly slowly. If felt like he was going molecule by molecule, millimeter by millimeter. It's been driving me crazy.
Now I think I understand why.
Given my recent paranoid lunatic thinking, no wonder he's been so careful. Extremely careful. Just because I have this pent up urgency about wanting to heal, doesn't mean that it's a good idea to just charge ahead, blindly poking and probing and setting off triggers left and right. It seems that his strategy is slow, gentle, and slow term. I want to be healed yesterday, and it doesn't work that way. Easy does it. One day at a time.
He's been incredibly patient, gentle and caring, but firm enough to set limits that I need, even if they hurt. I wish I could have daily sessions with him, but now I must wait a whole month. He already set up the next two appointments, the second one also a month apart. So there won't be any misunderstandings.
I still have my issues and disagreements with him, but it's best if I put them on the shelf, see what happens unconsciously, and see where I'm at by the next appointment.
I was getting too overwhelmed with issues and triggers, and I needed to come up for air. No point in adding trigger after trigger each week and drown in my emotions.
Of course, being that I've been so labile, I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow. Or this afternoon, for that matter. All I can say is that right now, I'm feeling much better and very appreciative of what my T is trying to do to help me.
So I accept the help, even if it's not the way I may have wanted it.
 
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