Tuesday

Ola Jaysen,

I'm just hanging around reading this stuff, playing solitaire and getting some good stuff on Radio.Blog.Club - what do you have in mind?

froggy12
 
How about what it feels like to discover who I really am? Not what I think I should be, or others want me to be. I think I know who I am and it took a while because I was too busy clouding the brain with drugs and booze and nearly died. Reality of self can be liberating and scary but the serenity pops up every now and then and so it is worth the effort.
Life's a bitch, but interesting.

froggy12
 
Thanks...
Not quite sure how to talk about this. It's nothing major really but it's confusing the hell out of me.
 
There's a guy I've known for a long time, I trust him. A few days ago I finally came clean, told him about the abuse. Nothing in detail but told him enough so that he has a clear picture of what I went through. He's been awesome, doesn't seem wierded out or awkward around me, he let's me talk, he listens, seems to really care. So two nights ago I went to his place to hang out after band practice, I forget what we were talking about now but I got pretty upset. He held me for a few minutes and next thing you know I was kissing him... he was kissing back.
He's straight... I'm like 80/20, 80% attraction to females.
I haven't heard from him since.
 
Jaysen, some folks, men especially, freak out when they express themselves at that level, especially when its an instant reaction. Later one or the other begins to wonder what he did. It does not fit the macho sterotype. God Forbid one act on one's emotions. This has nothing to do with sexual preferences, it is dealing with a preconceived image of 'what should be.' Wait. If he is a true friend, he'll contact you.

froggy12
 
Jaysen,

Perhaps your friend is also in that 80/20 category. Which would certainly explain his behavior that day...and his distance ever since.

Russ
 
Right that all makes sense and it's what I've been thinking about, trying to figure out. Only thing I really came up with is... he wanted to help me and just didn't know how too and for me, sex is comfort, submission is normal and violent sex or rape is familiar and a safe zone for me. I know that's completely fucked up and I'm working it... I did speak to him last night, when I brought it up he said he was "ok" with it but he basically doesn't want to "go there."
 
I have a friend, younger than I am, straight and we went thru hell and back as he was trying to deal with an intense romatic breakup which opened all the shit je had hidden so deep, he erupted like Mt St Helens. During this time we became emptionally close - sharing does that - and it is still strictly platonic (I would have to be delusional otherwise) but we give each other a hug. None of this 'guy' shit: thump, beat chest, one arm. This is male to male - the touch, not long but enough to sustain this old taurus faggot for the while (I lived in SF during the Haight-Ashbury & I'm proud to be a faggot.) It is an acknowledgement of caring which is ok with me and him.
a feisty froggy12
 
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