Tuesday
Tuesday
- Thread starterJaysen
- Start date
And another thing, I wish someone told me that being sober would involve being able to feel physical pain as well as emotional. I'm not too happy about that. Sex isn't the same either and I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad about that. And when the hell did I get this tattoo? Christ I feel like if I move to fast I'll break into a millon pieces, I can't remember anything, can't focus much. But at least I don't feel like shit in the morning and I know where I went and what I did last night and more importantly I'm not ashamed of what I did last night!
I spoke with my mother last night, she told me she was proud of me, I almost threw up. I asked her why and she said, "Well honey because your life was going in a bad direction and you did something about it." So I asked her why she thought my life was going in a bad direction....
First she pretended like she didn't hear the question, then she said she had another call coming in and put me on hold, then she came back and told me she'd have to talk with me later, she had an important call on the other line blah, blah, blah... So we hung up. That would have bothered me before but it doesn't anymore. It's her problem if she can't deal, not mine.
So there's this girl... at the center I'm in a couple of group therapy things, one is all guys but the other is co ed. She's nice, she's 18 so legal is good
she was abused by her brothers and they're both in jail. She's tough but obviously has trust issues so that's okay. I been hanging out with her a lot. Not sure if it's a good thing, we might be bad for each other. But for now it's good.
More later...
J
I spoke with my mother last night, she told me she was proud of me, I almost threw up. I asked her why and she said, "Well honey because your life was going in a bad direction and you did something about it." So I asked her why she thought my life was going in a bad direction....
First she pretended like she didn't hear the question, then she said she had another call coming in and put me on hold, then she came back and told me she'd have to talk with me later, she had an important call on the other line blah, blah, blah... So we hung up. That would have bothered me before but it doesn't anymore. It's her problem if she can't deal, not mine.
So there's this girl... at the center I'm in a couple of group therapy things, one is all guys but the other is co ed. She's nice, she's 18 so legal is good
she was abused by her brothers and they're both in jail. She's tough but obviously has trust issues so that's okay. I been hanging out with her a lot. Not sure if it's a good thing, we might be bad for each other. But for now it's good.More later...
J
roadrunner
Registrant
Jay,
What you are discovering is life as it really is, as opposed to how it looks and feels through a cloud of alcohol and drugs. When life isn't just an interlude between binges and wild drug trips, you experience it as ... well ... as your life! Your opportunities. Your dreams and possibilities. You begin to appreciate how your life connects with those of other people and what that can mean for you both.
But life is about pain as well as joy, and I can imagine how bad it sucks to have to deal with that as it really is. But that's the whole point. The pain was always there - hurting you. That you were too blitzed to feel it doesn't change that fact.
And can I point out that booze and drugs block out positive feelings and ideas as much as they block out the painful ones? Take this girl in your therapy group. Right now you are seeing her in terms of a possible sexual liaison - "she's 18 so legal is good " - and I can see why. This reflects your feelings about sexuality and also how you still feel about yourself.
You are right to note the possibility that both of you being survivors may complicate things, but look at things from a broader perspective. She may be someone you can talk to and trust. You may be able to open up and feel a bit more with her. She may be someone who is just fun to be with.
So it's back to the thing about real life I think. As you begin to see yourself as a guy with legitimate dreams, hopes, ideas and joys that can go together to make you a whole person again, you will also see more of these qualities in others. And THAT chemistry, Jay, can get pretty awesome!
Much love,
Larry
What you are discovering is life as it really is, as opposed to how it looks and feels through a cloud of alcohol and drugs. When life isn't just an interlude between binges and wild drug trips, you experience it as ... well ... as your life! Your opportunities. Your dreams and possibilities. You begin to appreciate how your life connects with those of other people and what that can mean for you both.
But life is about pain as well as joy, and I can imagine how bad it sucks to have to deal with that as it really is. But that's the whole point. The pain was always there - hurting you. That you were too blitzed to feel it doesn't change that fact.
And can I point out that booze and drugs block out positive feelings and ideas as much as they block out the painful ones? Take this girl in your therapy group. Right now you are seeing her in terms of a possible sexual liaison - "she's 18 so legal is good
" - and I can see why. This reflects your feelings about sexuality and also how you still feel about yourself.You are right to note the possibility that both of you being survivors may complicate things, but look at things from a broader perspective. She may be someone you can talk to and trust. You may be able to open up and feel a bit more with her. She may be someone who is just fun to be with.
So it's back to the thing about real life I think. As you begin to see yourself as a guy with legitimate dreams, hopes, ideas and joys that can go together to make you a whole person again, you will also see more of these qualities in others. And THAT chemistry, Jay, can get pretty awesome!
Much love,
Larry
roadrunner
Registrant
Jay,
I'm afraid to ask - but here goes .... What exactly is this tattoo like? What does it say?
And no, I WON'T ask where it is!!!!!!!
Much trepidation,
Larry
I'm afraid to ask - but here goes .... What exactly is this tattoo like? What does it say?
And no, I WON'T ask where it is!!!!!!!
Much trepidation,
Larry
melliferal
Registrant
You got it in Margaritaville!
roadrunner
Registrant
Jay,
It's good to hear you say that. It will sometimes get hard to stick with it, but hang in there. It's worth it. You're hearing that from someone who's been there and knows.
Much love,
Larry
It's good to hear you say that. It will sometimes get hard to stick with it, but hang in there. It's worth it. You're hearing that from someone who's been there and knows.
Much love,
Larry
Yes I know you've been there, that's why I believe you. I'm going to see my group-rehab girl. We're going to smoke a ton of cigarettes, drink a shit load of coffee and talk. Very different from my typical Friday night!
By the way, did I mention that she has piercings and tattoos? And blue streaks in her hair? lol
By the way, did I mention that she has piercings and tattoos? And blue streaks in her hair? lol
reality2k4
Registrant
Jay,
it doesnt matter what she looks like, at least you can talk to her.
Talking is the best thing you can ever do, believe me it is.
I wish I had a girl like her,
ste
it doesnt matter what she looks like, at least you can talk to her.
Talking is the best thing you can ever do, believe me it is.
I wish I had a girl like her,
ste
roadrunner
Registrant
Jay,
It's so good to see you in good spirits. I'm really glad you have this girl to talk to - blue streaks and all.
You should come hang in Germany for awhile. Here I get girls walking into class with orange hair, fourescent red hair, bright green, electric blue, you name it! It's a fashion statement, one of them told me.
Much love,
Larry
It's so good to see you in good spirits. I'm really glad you have this girl to talk to - blue streaks and all.
You should come hang in Germany for awhile. Here I get girls walking into class with orange hair, fourescent red hair, bright green, electric blue, you name it! It's a fashion statement, one of them told me.
Much love,
Larry
roadrunner
Registrant
lol - bad boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
German students learn English and French in school from about the age of 8 (if not earlier at home), and here both languages are requirements for admission.
In my corridor in the university you can sometimes hear 5-6 languages being spoken up and down the hall, and conversations between myself and my colleagues will often switch languages in mid-sentence and no one notices or cares.
Oriental Studies really is its own little universe.
Much love,
Larry
German students learn English and French in school from about the age of 8 (if not earlier at home), and here both languages are requirements for admission.
In my corridor in the university you can sometimes hear 5-6 languages being spoken up and down the hall, and conversations between myself and my colleagues will often switch languages in mid-sentence and no one notices or cares.
Oriental Studies really is its own little universe.
Much love,
Larry
