Trying to make sense

[BillLiddle]

A few things have happened in my life that I'm trying to make sense of.
I don't consider myself to have been abused, but some things happened in my early teens that have shaped how my life later turned out.

When I was about 13, a friend of mine (14) showed me some porn. I was just starting to get aware of girls and sex and all that stuff, so seeing naked women in a mag was very exciting. It went from looking at the porn to masurbating together, to masturbating each other, blow jobs and then sex (over a couple of years) I can't remember who touched who first. He went on to get some girl friends, I was too shy and, frankly a bit confused to get one myself at the time. He would still 'play' with me 'on the side' though. Eventually I found a girl and it all stopped. I still keep in touch, but very occasionally.
I remember becoming a bit sex mad - thinking about it all the time, fantasising about girls (but never boys oddly, considering what he and I had been doing).
A couple of odd incidents stick in my mind from that time i) waiting at a bus stop and being offered a lift into town by some bloke I didn't recognise in a car. My mate was on the bus so I said no. Didn't think anything of it at the time.
ii) Went to one of those agricultural shows where they had a BBC tent, showing off all their video and radio wizzy stuff. One of the techs there offered to show us round the BBC studios if we came down to London - at the time me and my mate though wow! that would be cool. Never did though as parents said no way - Now I look back and think 'blooming heck' that was a weird thing for him to say - what did he really want?
On leaving home, I developed a porn addiction, and thought all relationships were about sex - which messed up loads for me.
I started using internet porn & newsgroups in the late 90's. This eventually got me into trouble with the Police as I strayed into illegal material, as well as the legal. In some ways this was a turning point. I received some great counselling and treatment, and managed to put a control on the porn.
Now I have a family and three lovely children.

Thanks for listening

 

[WalkingSouth]

Bill,

First, let me say I don't think it is uncommon for peers to do the porn, mutual groping, sex routine. I would say that in my opinion teens that have a very healthy sense of self and self worth are quite a bit less likely to do so. Could it have contributed to your later sexual addictions? Quite possibly, but I would assume your counseling has covered these points to a greater or lesser degree.

On the other incidents you mentioned. I would say that you were one lucky young man that you escaped without damage from one or the other or both of these incidents. The guy in the car is particularly worrisome to me in that had you gotten in the car with him you very well could have become a statistic in the missing child police blotter, or at least a living victim of a very cruel crime.

I wish you the best in your life now. Enjoy those children and protect and nurture them.

Lots of love,

John

 

[roadrunner]

Bill,

All teenagers are curious as they go through puberty, and though of course not all will go as far as you did I don't think what you did is all that uncommon. The danger for the kid is that he just isn't ready for all the emotional aspects of sex, and things will get especially rough if he begins to feel guilty about what has happened and has no one he can talk to. So the later issues don't surprise me either.

I'm glad you got some help and got through this problem with porn. There is no joy on earth like nurturing a loving family, that's the thing to always remember.

Much love,
Larry

 

[John Oarc]

You should be very proud of what you have accomplished. You have a family and that means a lot. I am happy for you and I hope you will continue to share with us here at MS.