I too know your struggles, and the depth of emotions that are stirred. I know concern, empathy and care in these words you receive feel detached by this screen, but the human man on the other end is very real. This is an amazing connection to have, I would have really wanted this many decades ago... recall I'm a bit older.
We understand the need for face to face, my boyhood picture is my reminder of myself, and showing my human connection. I hope you've turned on icons in your preferences? Some of the guys use their recent pics, I need to see me as a boy for now, I am working a lot to deal with my parts, which means those many age of boy that I was. I am dealing with each year separately. Not alone though, it's through therapy that I set up nurturing, and now I just have to visit in my mind. Yes, imagination is needed, I have that in spades, my art brain is the healing part that has survived all these decades. I know, that without the music, art, nature, hiking, etc... I would have lost it.
I have an authority complex, and healing for me is the effort it takes to overcome deep anxiety about whom is having control over what I'm allowed to have and do. Lawful stuff, I don't break the law, it would put me way over the edge to be edgy and think I have some special gift to be bad. I can't stand being bad, it's not that I'm a prude, I swear too much, I like some things that others don't, but, on the whole, I am always about truth. I have found it calms me to not have anything I can't deal with be nagging me. However, then there's perceived threat... hyper vigilance... the need to deal with all these f'ing emotions that can overwhelm, etc...
I know you're seeking help at the VA, and I'm sorry to bring it up. You need their services and they're delays are unacceptable to our concepts, and in they truly are abhorrent. I don't know how that VA hospital system you're dealing with is so backed up they're doing that to you? I had some contact with vets in 1999 for about a year, I drove a metro mobility bus for that time. I was part-time handy-man too, so I made do. I would pick them up and drop them off, listening to their stories. A lot of them complained, about lag time, so I think it's common. That I can recall, most of them eventually had good results. I recall one guy needed help with jaundice, what an ordeal he went through.
It's a huge place too, dang big places like that have so many things to know and finding out whom is a helper/advocate to give some assistance. I know you mentioned the ones you met, or one you met, didn't help you? Well, I encourage you to be persistent, and find someone else as advocate or be the squeaky wheel. You've sat there, now, I ask, can you manage a visit to what office has patient advocacy? If not, sure I understand. Let's talk about it.
