Truth telling

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Truth telling
As some of you know, I first came here in 2004. It was a lifeline to me. But I was an angry and bitter man. I left after what I perceived as attacks against me. And then I was banned. Some called me a fraud, which I never was. I never found out the reason I was banned. And it nearly killed me. Until I founded a peer-to-peer group away from here. I cannot apologize for who I was then. And I tried to come back. Several times. But I was found out each time, so I gave up.

Fast forward 15 years. I am not the same man. And I was graciously accepted back. That gave me great joy. Things have changed here as well, I can see. The site is better than it was back then. And it is not as judgmental.

I can't remember much of it, though I can see a few posts from back then. Whatever I did, it was done out of ignorance and anger. I am so glad I no longer suffer those issues.

This site is a godsend to survivors. It allows us to congregate as brothers like nothing else does.

My return here is based on honesty and goodwill. I am not perfect. But I am here to help. May we never forget to give others a second chance. This is where it all started for me. And you all mean more to me than anything else in this world. Because we ARE brothers in the truest sense.

God bless our Mods and Admins for keeping this place as safe as it can be. My love to all.
 
I'm constantly reminding myself as I participate on the threads of this site that we're all at different places in our healing journey. I said to a fellow posing as a spiritual teacher 20 years ago that "when it's easy, it's easy, when it's not, it's not..." He didn't smile probably because the comment is so obvious and at the same time mundane. But truth is, we can't see what we don't see. I couldn't listen to my partner tell me about her pain over our relationship because I was still caught in my own trauma. I interpreted her comment as criticism and felt shame, MORE shame since that was the ground on which I stood. Having found a way to release the shame, in part through my work here and in recent therapy, I can now listen without defending myself or explaining myself with a trauma diagnosis.

So it makes sense that among the folks who pass through this website there will be folks at just about every stage of the journey, doubtless some of whom are angry, intolerant, impatient...frightened, shy. Fifteen years ago you did your thing Jaxson and for whatever reason it didn't work here, but you took your healing to another venue, the group you formed, and it was what you needed. I first unpacked sexual abuse 25 years ago but wasn't able to take my healing journey very far and ended up lost in porn and addictions for the next 15 years. It wasn't until this year that circumstances threw me back into early trauma, giving me one more opportunity to do work that has been waiting for me for over seventy years.

I'm glad it worked out for you Jaxson. You were here when I arrived and I've found your take on things very affirming, very supportive. I also like this place a great deal and imagine I'll be here for the long haul. I know how much pain there is in trauma and how lonely it can be to carry it all by yourself. I want to be here for those men who find this place, to do what you and other regulars are doing... welcoming them, encouraging them, offering support. This is probably the most important thing I'll do for what remains of my life. None of us should have to face these demons alone. We can be there for one another. It is a deep honor to do so.
 
It’s good to be part of this. Thank you all for sharing. I want here 15 years ago. I thank you for your support now and wish you well in your journey. I haven’t felt judged here and I’m very thankful for that. Right now that would just chase me away and I need this place of peace and bonding more that ever in my life. I’m thankful I found it.
 
We all are thankful Bob. This is an oasis for all of us... a place where truth is told and support is given. We need that as we heal.
 
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