Trustworthy?

Trustworthy?
J

Joseph25

Registrant
This is all new to me...

Right now I'm on a leave of absence because I could no longer focus on work and my returning memories at the same time. My dad has cancer but the good thing is that they say it's treatable. I am planning to travel back home to spend some time with him but it means that I will have to be around the other who abused me for a timeframe that has been expanding as I remember things. As memories have been coming back to me I am realizing that all of us kids were abused but I received most of it from my older brother. Everyone knows it or suppresses it like I did for 10 years. It lasted until I was 13. All it would have taken was one of us speaking up and it would have stopped so much pain. Its only been 3 years since the memories started coming back. I am finding that this week I have a lot of anger at those who hurt or failed to protect us. Does completely removing yourself from family help the healing? Especially when they cause me to trigger.

Ive realized that Im an expert at isolating myself from people and the world outside my front door. But am working to learn to talk and deal with the effects that abuse had on me. Its weird to feel so numb as I write this. Things are slowly getting better and by removing some of my triggers I no longer have uncontrollable flash backs which would shatter me for days. The pace is slow but in the forward direction. I moved to a city where I dont really have any friends or family. But have met people through out other cities that I can consider friends. Until they get to close and then I isolate myself. I am trying to figure out if I should tell one of my few friends. But see them viewing me as f*#ked or treating me warily. The fact that I lost my ability to trust 20 years is clouding my judgement. Any advice would help

J
 
I'm sorry to have placed this message. I did not know it would have such a negative impact on people. Do not respond to it as I do not want to hear what anyone has to say. Not anymore.
 
Joseph,
Sorry to ignore your request to not respond. You're among friends here. You are so not alone. We know just how you feel. Been there - just like you are now.
Welcome.
Paul
 
Joseph,

Welcome to Male Survivor! We are all here for you. I'm sure that there will be many more folks to welcome you here soon.

My advice - keep posting your thoughts and feelings. It really helps to release them and get them out of your system. There are many here who have been through similar experiences that you have.

Recovery is Possible!

Brian
 
Welcome Joseph,

I read you regret at posting, but know there's people here who are good folks who care and can be here for you if you want.

Halibut
 
Joseph I am happy you are here, and I grieve for the reason you are here.

Welcome to Malesurvivor.
 
Joseph,

first, I welcome you to here. Second, you asked if to remove yoruself of family do help to your healing. I have done some that, in that only from my parents, who was mostly my abusers. My father died some time ago, but my mother was most my sexual abuser, and I can not see her or be near her. It cause to much damage to me, emotional. Only other family I have is my sister, who was abused as I was, and she is sometime 'trigger' to me, her and her daughter. But that is more of other issues I think. To remove from family, or any triggers at all, I think it is something positive to your healing, yes.

I have friend who is very good with the 'push away' things, and have done it for some time now. But those who know and love him will remain 'here' for him, always. I do not know, how it is of your friends, but I just want you to know, you are not only the one who do that, and it is possible still to have friends support you.

I hope you will return here as part your reality. You are most welcome. Do not worry of how others here will respond to you. This is place of much emotions, and we will sometimes trigger each other without the intent of it. It just is happens, and if you are not here just to hurt people, you will be ok here.

VN
 
Joseph,

My name is Jeff, and I have been in recovery since 2002.

Honestly, even if your family hurt you, they are still your family. I tried cutting myself off from them and focusing on my own wife and kids. It left a big hole in my life, to be honest. Yes, they failed you, just as mine failed to protect me. Yes, you are angry, and rightfully so. If you have to cut them out for a time, do it, but in time, I believe you will want to heal things with them.

Eventually, I realized they werent going to change much, and they werent going to give me so huge apology. If I was going to have them in my life, I was going to have to forgive and let it go. They are who they are, but I can be bigger than that, and I can be the one that changes how our family is. I am the one that has risen above all of the secrecy and coldness. I can go there now, and I feel sorry for them if I feel anything. I know how I have grown, and I pitty that they cannot even see what they are missing.

As for telling friends, Mic Hunter in abused boys discourages telling anyone before you are able to handle rejection if it comes. All my friends and family know now. I was sick of living in hiding all the time. I am who I am, and they can accept me or not, but when you tell, you always risk being rejected. Hopefully, it wont happen, but dont tell anyone until you are prepared for that possibility.

I wish you a good journey, and will say a prayer for you.

jeff
 
Take it in whatever bites you can manage, at your own pace Joseph. And know there's people where to support you because they have been where you are and are going.

Halibut
 
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