Trust

Trust
M

Morning Star

Registrant
Funny that as I ventured into this site, the issue of trust started coming up for the site itself.

Trust has been an issue all my life and yet start trusting anyone let alone myself.

Now it is showing up at my counselling as well, I cant Trust my guide, as I feel he might be testing me. and what if its a trick and I go wrong. It is vicious circle.

I know I have to take the leap, but I just cant. the fear of getting hurt and being left alone is too great.

And each time I reach a point where I can trust and take the leap, I fail.

I trust the neagtive too much, I trust that things would go wrong and they do. I trust would do something wrong or get hurt or dumped. And I do.

Help.
 
Morning Star it takes a long time to trust people once we have been so wretchedly betrayed. It is good to hold back a bit. We have to earn your trust. You are wise in witholding it until yoou feel rather secure.

It may take a very long time for you to feel that you can trust someone to be a really close friend, a friend who will honor you and the needs you have. People can get into a bit of trouble here by trusting everyone right away.

Be patient Morning Star. It will all come in due time.

Malesurvivor is a very safe place. Now and then we get someone here who is too sick to keep the place safe. But we discover that fairly quickly and watch to make sure that they do not harm others.

The biggest problem to feeling safe here has nothing to do with this site. It has everything to do with members going to places off site for Im and other discussion boards, gtiving out their personal information etc. Doing that has the effect of saying "come and get me". All we can control is what we see here on our site.

Take care.

Bob
 
Trust is a very hard thing Morning Star, I agree. So often I start to trust someone only to find out they are going to let me down. I can't even totally trust my family memebers. I do have one friend that I can trust and know he would never hurt me or decieve me. My therapist tells me the trust issue is all in my head, but never has been able to get me passed it. Maybe I am just used to it. This is no help to you I am sure, but it is just how I feel. To me if I start to totally trust someone I always wait for them to shit on me. I am lucky to have one friend though, god forbid I ever lose him.

Take care,
David
 
"My therapist tells me the trust issue is all in my head, but never has been able to get me passed it."

Does your therapist have much experience with SA survivors????

That is one of the first things my T talked to me about. As survivors we learn to trust no one since our trust was shattered by the perps. The first thing I had to learn AND FAST, was that my life was one big lie because all the SA abust taught me was to lie, be secretive, and trust no one.

Your lack of being able to trust is real and one issue that will be hardest to overcome. I have been forced to put my trust in my wife, and it has been hard on both of us.

I do not know enough to advise you what to do, but any T that does understand the lack of trust we survivors have in anyone or anything does not understand SA!!!

Just my opinion. Others may say different.
 
MorningStar
The first person you have to learn to trust is yourself.
It might also be the hardest person you'll have to learn to trust as well.

The chances are your therapist is a perfectly trustworth practicioner who isn't out to trick you, but what you are experiencing is not trusting your judgement of him.
Unless the T is giving off very alarming signals that he's not to be trusted, and other clients seem to be trusting him ( would he still be practicing if he wasn't ? ) then why not trust him?

Because it's a risk, and given the risks we've taken with people in the past that have been badly wrong - such as trusting the person(s) that abused us - it's no wonder we have difficulty trusting others.
But life's full of risks, even for those that live so called 'normal' lives. We just have to take small ones, learn from the experience and then take bigger ones.
Did you take a risk coming onto this site?
Of course you did, you weren't certain of our reactions to you, but you still came and posted here.
You must have trusted your own judgement of your decision to do that.

So keep coming here, keep posting good topics and questions, and find out about trust.

Dave
 
LLoydy,

Thanks for a more eloquent reply than mine. Guess I was being a little too emotional. Having the revelation of having to trust after 40 years of denial I tend to be a little blunt. Up until recently I even lied to myself by telling myself that my SA was probably even beneficial to me.

You're absolutely right about having to trust yourself first!
 
Thank u Dave, Yes I trusted this site instantly, instinctively. I need to get back to trusting it now, once again.

My fallout with my T is something I do each time he asks me to take risk.

Sometimes I sabotage it myself as i am so sure that I will be betrayed and I then look for signs of it.

Learning to break this habit now. ;)

love..
 
Sometimes I sabotage it myself as i am so sure that I will be betrayed and I then look for signs of it.
Click to expand...
Ain't that the truth!

It's so easy to slip back into our old ways, after all they kept us going and even alive up until now, so they're comfortable and familiar.

The future is the scary thing, as it is for everyone though. We just have a harder time making the jump.

Dave
 
I know that many dont think God exists in here, that is up to themselves, but I know one thing.

Without him picking me up every time I fell, I would not have the strength to get this far,

Peace,

ste
 
Reality, I am sure they do believe. Or at least want to.

But for most the disconnection happened with abuse. As in...How could God let that happen to me? For most as I once wrote..God died that night.

But then gradually as I am beginning to take the responsibililty of my own abuse as it being the result of my own past life Karma and above all forgive myself for that, without blame, I am begining to reconnect with my own divinity, my own essence which is God.

I am in gratitude of this experience that allowed me reach to my deepest core thru pain.

I think all my anger towards God fell apart when I was told by my guru that it is we who
co-author our life scripts with God.

When we invite God into our healing what happens next is nothing short of a miracle. The story of Tom on another Topic ( Last time I visited that place...)is a living proof.
 
Not trusting anyone has just isolated me. With this isolation, my ego took over. I did not need or want anyone in my life. Then came the auto-destruction.

I have learn to be careful instead of being wary. I am no longer a child.

I need to learn to be vulnerable. There is always a chance that someone will hurt me in a relationship, that is human.
 
I think that trust is not something to be taken for granted, but something earned. It is like at this site. When I do come here to respond to things, I generally will respond to everything in this forum and the member forum that I haven't already responded to. That includes to things posted by new people, like yourself, I do not know. That I respond to people I don't know, yes, I am accepting at 'face value' that they are here as a male survivor seeking help. That is one level of trust I suppose. But I am not posting my home telephone number or address here either! ;)

I just feel that to trust someone to quickly, it is not meant to be in that way. Trust occurs over time, not just as a singular event. That goes for everything in my life. Even people I have known for long time, people I have not been given reason to distrust, I can be wary of at times. That is me, that is a remnent of the abuse, and that is my issue. But it is also a safety net for me, and I do not plan to discard it.

leosha
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top