Trust
Trust
- Thread starterDewey2k
- Start date
Grunty1967b
Registrant
Trust too freely? Maybe I'm just a hard liner, but manned Mars colonies are likely to happen before I open the trust door (except I must amazingly say, except in here!).
reality2k4
Registrant
Dewey, I hope that friend was not in this place, but it is up to you to keep yourself safe in here, and outside of here.
It sounds like a serious trust issue, and that he broke your trust, and if it happened to me, then I would just break off from the situation.
I dont know whether this is possible for you, but I have got back to trusting people, and yes, it will happen to me also.
I suppose I trust people by seeing how they post things, and how they think, and I feel I can trust them also, and so far, I have not gone so wrong.
We cannot live our lives not trusting, because we isolate ourselves from our very true existence. You have to be in it, to win it, or so I think, and I hope you can 'win it'.
Take care,
ste
It sounds like a serious trust issue, and that he broke your trust, and if it happened to me, then I would just break off from the situation.
I dont know whether this is possible for you, but I have got back to trusting people, and yes, it will happen to me also.
I suppose I trust people by seeing how they post things, and how they think, and I feel I can trust them also, and so far, I have not gone so wrong.
We cannot live our lives not trusting, because we isolate ourselves from our very true existence. You have to be in it, to win it, or so I think, and I hope you can 'win it'.
Take care,
ste
Not here.
I was going to post something about how good this past week went. There were positive strides to be sure, perhaps even leaps and bounds, that left me feeling hopeful, that I might come through all of this relatively unscathed. But the lies, deceit and betrayal of a man I called brother have rocked the foundation I build my life upon, the very truths I cling to.
Once again I have been played for the fool.
Once again my trust has been misplaced.
Once again I have been betrayed.
And, once again, I pay the price of my own stupidity.
I was going to post something about how good this past week went. There were positive strides to be sure, perhaps even leaps and bounds, that left me feeling hopeful, that I might come through all of this relatively unscathed. But the lies, deceit and betrayal of a man I called brother have rocked the foundation I build my life upon, the very truths I cling to.
Once again I have been played for the fool.
Once again my trust has been misplaced.
Once again I have been betrayed.
And, once again, I pay the price of my own stupidity.
I'm bouncing this back to the top because I had a conversation last night that brought some things up for me:
I have a pattern of falling for charismatic personalities. These people suck me in and use me to stroke their own ego or use me for their own ends. For me, these people are nearly as bad as perps because they f*** with my mind and leave me doubting myself.
It could be a desire to please, which means I am giving them power over me, which is not healthy.
Any suggestions about how to recognize this before it happens?
I have a pattern of falling for charismatic personalities. These people suck me in and use me to stroke their own ego or use me for their own ends. For me, these people are nearly as bad as perps because they f*** with my mind and leave me doubting myself.
It could be a desire to please, which means I am giving them power over me, which is not healthy.
Any suggestions about how to recognize this before it happens?
lostcowboy
Registrant
Hi Dewey, I have no suggestions, except maybe getting some books on dating to read. That's one of the things I am planing to do if my marriage fails, or my wife should pass away.
Just wanted you to know, I am sorry this happened to you.
Just wanted you to know, I am sorry this happened to you.
Dewey, I feel your words. I was a couple of times in the relationships that ended the way you describe. I was betrayed, and it hurted as hell. I was cursing and blaming myself for my stupidity. These persons GOT WHAT THEY WANTED AND LEFT ME TO BE SOME WEAK, UNABLE, AND PRIMITIVE HUMAN CAPABLE OF PROBABLY ANYTHING BUT LIVING A FULL LIFE MADE BY MYSELF.
Now on the question of the criteria. You can understand that you will never be caught in the unhealhty webs created by your interaction with the one who manipulates you if only you won't try to control them. This is my opinion only. However, to my mind, one can have a clearly articulated tendency to control others who seem weaker in some respects visible to the one. At some point of time, the one might realize that what he is doing for another one is A WAY OF CONTROLLING, EVEN BY HELPING, SUPPORTING, FINANCIALLY OR EMOTIONALLY, OR IN DIFFERENT KINDS. Then, in my experience (of the 22 years of life), you can start to blame yourself for your exaggerated efforts to find someone who seems to be perfectly in need of your HELP. Nonetheless, what you can do is control by helping first and then trying to stop this. If you indeed like to control, albeit unconsciously, you are in danger of finding yourself in the trap of your own power directed towards yourself.
I've had such situations, and are careful to not harm anyone even by making enormous efforts to do something seemingly harmless, and ending in trying to leave the person (who can easily, and perceptibly, be sensitive to other's personal power) when the situation seems totally out of (your!) control. So, you may not do this at all.
Hope this helps.
Now on the question of the criteria. You can understand that you will never be caught in the unhealhty webs created by your interaction with the one who manipulates you if only you won't try to control them. This is my opinion only. However, to my mind, one can have a clearly articulated tendency to control others who seem weaker in some respects visible to the one. At some point of time, the one might realize that what he is doing for another one is A WAY OF CONTROLLING, EVEN BY HELPING, SUPPORTING, FINANCIALLY OR EMOTIONALLY, OR IN DIFFERENT KINDS. Then, in my experience (of the 22 years of life), you can start to blame yourself for your exaggerated efforts to find someone who seems to be perfectly in need of your HELP. Nonetheless, what you can do is control by helping first and then trying to stop this. If you indeed like to control, albeit unconsciously, you are in danger of finding yourself in the trap of your own power directed towards yourself.
I've had such situations, and are careful to not harm anyone even by making enormous efforts to do something seemingly harmless, and ending in trying to leave the person (who can easily, and perceptibly, be sensitive to other's personal power) when the situation seems totally out of (your!) control. So, you may not do this at all.
Hope this helps.
Dewey,
Trust has to be earned man.
When it comes right down to it are you going to let one person derail your who recovery? No you are stronger then that.
lots of love, Nathan
Trust has to be earned man.
When it comes right down to it are you going to let one person derail your who recovery? No you are stronger then that.
lots of love, Nathan
Dewey,
I think I was much more naive when first I start healing of things. It never crossed my mind that someone who had 'been through' all this, that they would lie about it. But even that happens. Non-survivors can 'play' the survivor very well at times. I had that occur, with someone I 'met' at another website, when first I seek help on the computer. ANyway, it is far to long a story to repeat, I will post a link here to the thread I make on it earlier this year. But trust this, I CAN understand the trust issues; both giving to much, and giving to little.
Leosha
https://malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=26;t=000303
I think I was much more naive when first I start healing of things. It never crossed my mind that someone who had 'been through' all this, that they would lie about it. But even that happens. Non-survivors can 'play' the survivor very well at times. I had that occur, with someone I 'met' at another website, when first I seek help on the computer. ANyway, it is far to long a story to repeat, I will post a link here to the thread I make on it earlier this year. But trust this, I CAN understand the trust issues; both giving to much, and giving to little.
Leosha
https://malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=26;t=000303