Trust

Trust
F

fishpond

In thinking about my life and reading these posts I I feel so damn lonely. The abuse I survived has left me so guarded and unable to trust anyone. Sometimes I just want to know how to make a friend, how to trust someone again. I feel do damn needy. Thank you for listening.
 
I Know what you mean. :( Trust is built on knowledge accumulated over time.. So as you get to know the person, trust forms gradually. :D It sounds like such a simple process, but it's difficult because we have been hurt before. Our trust in others has been violated. :( This is where we can help each other. :cool:
 
My social skills were greatly damaged not only the the CSA but also by the emotional and physical abuse I experienced.

Feeling comfortable and self confident around people and learning how to make friends was something I not only was not taught but was set up to fail at. So, now that I have begun to recover from all that, I have begun to learn those skills.

I agree that it is about learning to trust and that is a gradual process. Learning to have patience with myself is hard sometimes.

Brett.
 
Dave
this is a good place to learn trust, the guys here support, help and care for each other. And we couldn't do that without some degree of trust.

I hope find this a good place to be.

Dave
 
Dave - Trust indeed is hard...very hard for us survivors. I focus on a saying: A ship is safe in the harbor but that's not what ships were built to do. Life is meant to be lived. Yes, I was safe in the harbor talking about what it might be like to be free to sail the ocean; however, that sailing was not real until I gradually trusted to "just try it" a little at a time!! Trust happens with one step at a time... gradually.

Happy sailing! Howard
 
Dave,

I have no words of wisdom to offer, but my therapist and I endlessly discuss my inability to trust.

There's a great poem in the poetry section where a survivor wonders if a person is friend or foe. I think that lots of survivors go through that. I certainly do.

Harry
 
Dave,

This is a good place to gradually come out of your shell. The trust that I had in someone that treated me badly tainted the way I thought about anyone who wanted to befriend me for decades. Through therapy, this site and some survivor retreats I've learned that there are trustworthy people out there. I'm still cautious but I have read so many honest, heartfelt posts here that I feel that I know these guys. I've met a few of them in person and I've never been disappointed.

Welcome. Take good care of yourself, this is a good place to be.

Steve
 
I totally understand what you mean, it is hard to rebuild trust after what we were forced to endure. In a way we are like the spouse who was cheated on, hear me out, we trusted, but we were hurt, and that hurt never totally goes away, but we must learn to trust and believe in spite of what has happened, and in spite of how hard it is and how much it hurts. There are more good people in the world than bad, and sadly we have all been 'hounded' by the bad people, but we can all find good people, and in time we will all heal enough to trust again, it will always hurt at least some but in time the trust totaly out wieghs the pain.

scott
 
Brothers:

Becoming a parent as I turned 40 showed me the importance of trust. As my daughter grew up she trusted my completely and I did not betray that trust. As a parent we give love unconditionally and no strings. Children do the same in a caring a loving relationship.

That is what we did not receive. Unconditional love and the trust was betrayed. And it occured at a formative time in our lives.

No wonder we have trouble around both these issues.

Aside from my family the only place tha I have given trust and love unconditionally is here. Even though I do not know any of you personally I feel that I have known you in another time and place. The gerosity, brotherly love and strong support are available here in endless quantities. And for that alone I amso happy I have found this site. I think all of you will agree with that statement.
 
I understand, the difficulty to trust. Sometime, even now, I find myself not trusting even good people sometime. If someone say something that I interpret wrongly, I start to question my trust of them. I hate that it happens, I hate that I do that, because they deserve trust, they deserve that from me, and I feel wrong to not trust. But it still is hard, because I feel low of myself, and that I do not deserve good people, so if they like me, then they must be wrong, they must not be trusted. I am sorry, not sure of what I am saying. Please know that you are welcome here, and that you will start to learn to trust more, it is slow thing, but it will happen.

leosha
 
I sit here scratching my head wondering why my "little buddy" seems to blindly trust anyone who is remotely kind to him.

I realize there hasn't been an overabundance of kindness from those he should have been able to trust in his life. Maybe he still doesn't consciously "get it"??

He's also on the first leg of his "journey." We'll see what happens as he moves along.

Lynn
 
Pollyanna,

I understand what you are writing. Another way of looking at it is that I have a very hard time distinguishing foe and friend. So, besides being untrusting, I sometimes trust inapropriately.

Harry
 
I think that the difficulty I have in trusting others is strongly related to the trust I placed in my abuser. He was an individual in a postion of authority (a vocation director in the Catholic Church) and when I trusted him I was literally screwed. After that, not trusting anyone who wanted to be close to me became a really adaptive thing! Somewhere inside of myself I figured that if you trust someone, something very bad is going to happen to you. And now, even with the knowledge that I am a different person and that I can take care of myself, I still get very defensive and scared when I'm in a position where I need to trust someone. This makes for a lonely life, but I think maybe I am making a little progress.
Thanks to all of you who contribute to this site. You seem to be a great bunch of guys.
 
Originally posted by Pollyanna:
I sit here scratching my head wondering why my "little buddy" seems to blindly trust anyone who is remotely kind to him.

I realize there hasn't been an overabundance of kindness from those he should have been able to trust in his life. Maybe he still doesn't consciously "get it"??

He's also on the first leg of his "journey." We'll see what happens as he moves along.

Lynn
Click to expand...
Thank you for posting this. I myself am still to this day trusting to a fault. I've often wondered why I never developed a wall and mainly figured that was just another sign that I wasn't a victim by a willing participant.
 
I am just now realizing, that the loss of trust, the break of trust, it can be a great experience to learn from. Of course, it is not something nice or fun, ever. But, someone once said something of how we learn more from our mistakes then we do to do things right. So, perhaps we learn more from the breakdown of trust then trust itself? (Sorry, I think maybe I am going in circles with sense and losing here! I am posting again in this thread maybe to make it make more sense in my mind).

Perhaps I should end this post before it actually makes sense! apologies!

leosha
 
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