Trouble with Sex
Hi. I was abused by my step mother between ages 6-8, it was a lot more than just touching, but I won't mention that for triggers. Anyway, I have always had a fear of sexual intimacy with women. I have had sex (I have two kids) but I've never liked it. If I ever feel the need for sexual pleasure I just masturbate. But with sex I always tighten up, get nervous and sometime even shake. Especially when I feel like I'm being pressured. (Which has happened a lot).
Intimacy is why my wife and I broke up. She ALWAYS wanted sex. And I usually was submissive and did. She doesn't know, but I would cry and shake after sex after she was asleep. In our last year I finally started saying no. She cheated because of this. In our first 9 years we probably had sex 3 or 4 times per week. In our last year, it was maybe 6 times the whole year.
I hear a lot of people (men and women) who were sexually abused as children tend to have lots of sex with lots of people. Which I definitely have, but I hated it. Before my wife I would find dominant women and "pretend" to be submissive (even though it wasn't an act) and let them have there way with me. My wife was very dominant too. I hate being overpowered by women. But like a little boy I just let it happen. It's not until recently I have met women who respect my need for (sexual) space. And I've learned to say no better.
Can anyone relate?
Intimacy is why my wife and I broke up. She ALWAYS wanted sex. And I usually was submissive and did. She doesn't know, but I would cry and shake after sex after she was asleep. In our last year I finally started saying no. She cheated because of this. In our first 9 years we probably had sex 3 or 4 times per week. In our last year, it was maybe 6 times the whole year.
I hear a lot of people (men and women) who were sexually abused as children tend to have lots of sex with lots of people. Which I definitely have, but I hated it. Before my wife I would find dominant women and "pretend" to be submissive (even though it wasn't an act) and let them have there way with me. My wife was very dominant too. I hate being overpowered by women. But like a little boy I just let it happen. It's not until recently I have met women who respect my need for (sexual) space. And I've learned to say no better.
Can anyone relate?