Your comment popped up on top of the list and I decided to jump in and have a read, maybe my own experiences can help you understand.
CONTEXT: I was abused over multiple periods in my life, first as a young child by family members and then as a teenager by someone I thought was my best friend. It's the one in my early teens that I get the most affected from. I have triggers that catch me nearly daily, slowly I'm working on them so that I can handle them and they won't affect me anymore but it's taking time. Triggers can be the weirdest things and depend on the thought of the mind, for example, I recently saw a joke post about bondage the position they were in the joke picture really triggered me.
This started making me have flashbacks of being abused by the person and from there my mind spiralled out of control from that to no one would ever believe me if it ever came out, no one would believe I was the victim because I'm a big guy and they where smaller, so it must have been my fault, so im the criminal and I'll go to jail where il be abused all over again and no one will ever believe me. Now I know this is only my mind playing tricks on me as it does with many other survivors in similar ways, but it can be tormenting to go through. Lucky enough I hide it extremely well, I have learned to, although there are days it comes through people can tell somethings not right, but what it is. I don't talk to many about it outside of this community.
It's very possible that your partner could be going through a similar mindset where it's one thing spiralling from the other to the other until your down a rabbit hole of thoughts not related to you, making up the worst possible scenarios in their head. When this happens it's noticeable in a way, if you watch you will see emotions change, reactions to what people do around them will change, it's something no one can hide I've been told, it's just something that's there.
When this happens these are the things that help me
- just be alone. Just get space to try to get me back on the path, nothing bad against anyone I am around I just need less noise
- Distraction. For me, its goofy kids shows or comedies that help me numb my brain and get distracted
- Be Made feel safe. I don't have someone in my life right now that can hold me, so I wrap myself in my blanket tightly to feel like being held
- Food... not the best for me, it why im extremely overweight right now because of this, comfort food helps me relax
- video games, basically escaping my mind and re-focusing helps me
- Just get away, getting up no matter the time of the day or night when it kicks me, just go do something like go outside look at the starts or go to a takeaway get something small and listen to music
Those are the main ones that really help me. I hope this gives you some ideas on ways to help him, sorry you both are going through this, I wouldn't wish the mental torment we survivors go through daily on my worst enemy. And know, it's not that he doesn't care about your feelings it's just a self-preservation thing that our minds go through where we look off emotions to stop us from feeling anything. I did it with my ex-girlfriend and it drove her crazy that I would shut down emotional and she would start a fight with me that made me lock down further. She had an idea something happened but not the details of what happened and what I go through with it.
Just know, if he is letting you close like he is, he cares about you more than anything else and you bring him comfort and solace, he just needs to deal in his own way. Hope this wall of text helps in some way