(triggers) stupid f unrealistic stupid unrealistic not possible fear wtf

[david123]

(writing without looking at it after and without editing)

I'm 30+ and I have a constant fear my crazy father would pop out from nowhere and rape me
it is not possible
i mean i am in my locked house, not close to him
i have some martial arts training
he's around 60 now
i mean *everything* is different from when i was 3-4 years old
and also - "logically" it isn't possible he'll just "appear" out of thin air
but that is my fear...........................

 

[Ceremony]

Hi david123, your talk of fear resonates with me today. I had a therapy session today, and my T guided me toward my confusion with anger and frustration. Mine turned to what part of me, or, what percentage of my past is tied into the energy that I'm dealing with about that anger and frustration. I found that hard to nail down, I've been confused since my last therapy session 2 weeks ago. Not her doing, it's more how my mind works when I get stuck on something. The energy I'm using, toward looking at, and in theory, trying to manage this anger and frustration turns out to be tied at 50% toward the past, and 50% in the present.

We got to talking about what reactions I have in my body dealing with that, and what might specifically trigger some of what that anger, etc... I knew that trigger is the tightrope I walk about paying bills, and having any money to survive. I'm perpetually stressed, and running an upward reaction of anger and terror (money brings terror), and then a crash to being numbed out. I can't sustain the terror, anger and frustration for long, none of us can. We'll fall toward numbness, and shut down.

I don't have a good answer toward what could be done with your fear, it's that you're discussing it that's caught my attention. I try to regulate back toward being present when it happens to me, but, I feel like I'm in the training-wheels stage. Trying to be mindful when it hits isn't easy.

 

[OnceInnocent]

(writing without looking at it after and without editing)

I'm 30+ and I have a constant fear my crazy father would pop out from nowhere and rape me
it is not possible
i mean i am in my locked house, not close to him
i have some martial arts training
he's around 60 now
i mean *everything* is different from when i was 3-4 years old
and also - "logically" it isn't possible he'll just "appear" out of thin air
but that is my fear...........................

I’m so sorry!
I know it’s not logical. But it’s how our brains work.
Thinking about u man.

 

[Jaxson]

Trauma reactions do not need reality to be set in motion, David. Be gentle with yourself.

 

[genedebs]

avid 123 TRIGGRR)

I do not have your fear. My father hit, ran around naked(putting his balls in your face,) But no rape. I know the
feeling. For it is terror When I was 4, I asked for ice cream (a good humor bar. Any way that ended with my mother falling off the
porch after my father. I remmember having to walk the hall to invite him. dinner was ready..

My father has been dead or 16 years. But I still watch my back when I walk out the door in the morning. If I left before him, he would sometimes
hit my back or kick my legs. The fear can be real when the logic says it is nonsense.

As they explain, the brain until you are seven, i is all emotion and body movement. What ever happnens will be retained. The more it is fear or danger the more important itis that is there, the more important for your brain to remember. It is like your life is at stake. The part of your brain is quick to remember and slow to forget. Anything can trigger it. Even the quiet of a locked house. It is just a memory of the fear from years ago.

There are lots of methods to replace that reaction. Talk to your therapist or your librarian.


May the Lord Bless you and keep you safe.