Triggers and How to Handle Them
JayBro
Registrant
Hi Everyone!
I wanted to make this particular post for us to discuss what we find triggering from our experiences in child porn and other forms of media-related exploitation and your strategies to managing and reducing them. As I can imagine, there will be many (such as porn, photographs, news stories) that remind us of the abuse and can be quite distressing.
I don't know if I am able to post it here, but there is a post on strategies for dealing with triggering news stories and another one on reducing self-destructing patterns, which may at times include exposing ourselves to potential triggers purposefully.
Via my experiences, here is a short (although by no means comprehensive) list of triggers I experienced related to this form of abuse:
How do I deal with them? Well, for one, I have internalised what my therapist and trusted friends have told me about the abuse and how I was not responsible for it, how these men should have known better, how it is in the past and can't hurt me now, to value my recovery thus far etc. These words I have personalised and logged in my mind so that the moment I feel a potential trigger I can recount and recite them to keep me on the right track. I also remember when I am triggered and then speak about the experience with a friend or write about it here on MaleSurvivor to help process and receive new feedback and support. I have also learnt to avoid exposing myself to potential triggers by saying "hey, slow down, you are only going to further traumatise yourself here!" and quickly finding another item to occupy my mind. I have also learnt to say "no" to something that I don't need to do, such as sending naked photos to a potential date via a dating app or website. If I don't feel comfortable making and sending them over, I simply WON'T do it! It is my body, who the hell is this other guy? I will do with my body what I want. All of this does take practice though, so please be patient with yourself!!!
What are your items and your strategies?
I wanted to make this particular post for us to discuss what we find triggering from our experiences in child porn and other forms of media-related exploitation and your strategies to managing and reducing them. As I can imagine, there will be many (such as porn, photographs, news stories) that remind us of the abuse and can be quite distressing.
I don't know if I am able to post it here, but there is a post on strategies for dealing with triggering news stories and another one on reducing self-destructing patterns, which may at times include exposing ourselves to potential triggers purposefully.
Via my experiences, here is a short (although by no means comprehensive) list of triggers I experienced related to this form of abuse:
- certain accents, particularly certain British and American accents
- the phrase "kiddie porn"- I find that really dehumanizing, degrading, and disrespectful when discussing this topic
- amateur-style porn that is set up so that the person doesn't know they are being filmed or it is in some other way degrading to the person(s) involved
- jokes about child abuse, paedophiles and paedophilia, child porn, or rape and sexual abuse generally
- when people say "but you choose to speak with those people, right?" or "it was just the internet!", "it wasn't in person", "you were a teenager, so it doesn't really count as abuse"
- certain physical characteristics, like hair, body types, etc that reminded me of my abuse, or married men looking for discrete sex on dating apps/websites
- stories in the news on child abuse, namely child pornography
- webcams and private chat forums like Skype, yahoo, and the now dismantled MSN
- when men on dating apps ask to see nude photos
- porn that role plays, imitates, or is reminiscent child abuse/child porn
How do I deal with them? Well, for one, I have internalised what my therapist and trusted friends have told me about the abuse and how I was not responsible for it, how these men should have known better, how it is in the past and can't hurt me now, to value my recovery thus far etc. These words I have personalised and logged in my mind so that the moment I feel a potential trigger I can recount and recite them to keep me on the right track. I also remember when I am triggered and then speak about the experience with a friend or write about it here on MaleSurvivor to help process and receive new feedback and support. I have also learnt to avoid exposing myself to potential triggers by saying "hey, slow down, you are only going to further traumatise yourself here!" and quickly finding another item to occupy my mind. I have also learnt to say "no" to something that I don't need to do, such as sending naked photos to a potential date via a dating app or website. If I don't feel comfortable making and sending them over, I simply WON'T do it! It is my body, who the hell is this other guy? I will do with my body what I want. All of this does take practice though, so please be patient with yourself!!!
What are your items and your strategies?