TRIGGER WARNING: I'm afraid of being naked

[Jwmcd2]

There's really not much else to say. I will add that I am having a lot of trouble convincing myself to take a bath/shower (though I'll usually make it happen). I can go about getting cleaned up, but I almost freak out when I don't have clothes on or feel covered up. It feels weird anyway wearing shorts during the summer.

I know it's stupid but being naked is not something I can deal with well. I hear some guys talking about having a long shower. But for me, if I'm not actively scrubbing my skin I feel wrong and upset until I'm out, dried off and dressed up.

I guess this is more of a rant than anything. Don't really even know why I'm posting this.

 

[gettingstronger]

Jwmcd2,

Well, I guess we're in the same boat, so I'm as stupid as you are! About the only time I can bear to be naked is in the shower or during sex, and it's never long before I'm back in at least some article of clothing. After showering, I generally go from a towel wrapped around me right back into clothes. I can't sleep naked, nor could I ever walk around the house that way.

What's ironic is that I'm really not ashamed of my body any more. But it's just something that wigs me out. So you're not alone!

Bob

 

[Sven]

.

 

[bey]

I sleep in long pants and a tshirt no matter how hot it is. I wear a swim shirt swimming, which is maybe more to cover scars but also probably to feel more secure. I shower a couple times a day, but always alone (im married but always say no to showering together). This is the first summer I can think of that I've felt comfortable wearing shorts. I am ok being naked in front of my husband but not someone I dont know well. I think for me its a scar issue, not wanting people to ask questions or see them, and also not wanting to feel vulnerable and at risk. I suppose also those two things are related.

 

[Jwmcd2]

Oh yeah I get the srubbing part with showers. It doesn't take long to scrub off a layer of skin with a brush/loofa thing. I get to the point of some bleeding sometimes.

And yeah, when sleeping I have on a shirt and sorts as well (if it's too hot to wear long lounge pants).

I don't really have any scars anywhere that should be visible I guess so I'm fortunate there. I also am ok with wearing swim trunks and nothing besides as well, which honestly makes no sense. I guess that's the least amount of clothing anyone has seen me in for... 11 years or so aside from doctors. Does't make any sense on my part.

 

[Sven]

this sh!t doesn't make sense, so that's perfectly fine

 

[bey]

I think howver you feel and react makes sense

 

[Magellan]

I used to be ashamed of being naked. I am still modest with being naked. Depending on who might be naked around me.

I have a mole on my butt. It's pretty prominent. I used to be so embarrassed by it. I never wanted anyone to see it. And my penis, too (though there's nothing particularly different about my penis).

Something changed in me. I think it's because I've been validated enough times physically by being hit on, or by "sleeping around" that I've gotten over this idea that I'm physically repulsive.

So in some sense, my sexual activity and openness to explore my desires allowed me to overcome some of the shame of being naked.

Interesting. My therapist told me on Friday that the only way I could learn how to validate myself at the gut/instinct level was to find many people I could trust who could help me to validate myself. That was an interesting conversation. I have 7 people in my life who have demonstrated this type of friendship and support for 10+ years (a couple of them 22 and 23 years), and I still can't trust them.

I didn't mean to derail this topic with my personal slant on it. But I wonder how much of this has to do with a sense of trust and safety (and validation).

 

[Nothing Man]

I'm not particularly comfortable in my body either. I don't like to go to swimming pools and have to walk around with no shirt. Showering at home (and when I was in high school, with the other kids) is not a big deal to me, but after Mrs NM and I have sex I am always scrambling back into my bed clothes. Part of it is I don't particularly like myself. My therapist has more or less convinced me to stop telling my image in the mirror, "I hate you." But I think it is all tied up into one package, part and parcel.

 

[Jwmcd2]

Oh unquestionably, mine is a safety thing. I just plain feel exposed when naked. Even if I'm all alone (which is the ONLY circumstance where I'm naked). Plus I feel cold, which is a triggery thing for me.

Lots of people I talk to (even coworkers) mention liking going around with no clothes on and that idea isn't really good for me. I didn't know if I was an oddball but it seems I'm not. I was even thinking about trying something new as far as underwear that would maybe feel more present against my skin because I feel exposed even when wearing clothes.

 

[Jwmcd2]

UPDATE: talked with my therapist about this yesterday and he reccomended some other tricks I could do. Without going into details, room temperature makes a big deal for me and being warm feels safer. Also, he recommended to try bathing/showering in the dark or with a night light. I tired the unlit method and a warm room too. things helped.

Also just talking about this has helped matters as well. He encouraged me to try sleeping comfortably without a shirt. Just as something that's not inappropriate in the slightest. I just bundled up with some blankets and I did ok.

I still got a long way to go and I am not better but it helped to have some progress. I also managed to feel a little happier, but I'm not exactly ready to call this solved. not in the slightest.


---------

One thing I'm still working on is that horrible feeling of being totally aware of my entire body under all my clothes. No If I could break that feeling, I'd be better.

 

[dark empathy]

@Jwmcd2, I really! get this. It's all part of my genophobia. The first symptom I had that something was amazingly wrong was at 19 when I had a screaming panic attack because my mum walked in on me in the bathroom while I was shaving in trousers and no shirt.

For me, it's all about other people. I can be naked when I'm on my own, in my flat, I even exercise waring not much and like to sleep in just a pare of boxers, but I must have every atom of window space covered, I can be naked in the bath or the shower, but there must! be a locked door between me and anyone else. I used to swim often in just trunks, but after my crash in 2007 that went out the window, now even if I go swimming it's in a shirt and a large pare of knee length swimming shorts, ---- I even did this on a holiday to Egypt in 2010.

If I ever share a room with someone, I undress in private behind a closed door and sleep in full pajamas covering me from wrist to ancle, even in the heat of summer, (and I'm rarely comfortable sleeping in the same room as someone else). I also always ware long trousers whatever the weather. It's not even specifically centered around my private parts, my shoulders, back, chest, lower legs, pretty much the thought of anyone seeing anything besides my arms and face.

There isn't really any mystery why I feel this way. public gang rape in crowds will do that. I suspect if I ever actually found someone I was comfortable having a loving physical relationship with, this, like a lot of my genophobia would be possible to get around, but it is what it is. There isn't much I can do about it, and in general I'm better trying to live around it than risking knocking myself out with an extreme panic reaction, which is the alternative.

One of the thins I realized that helped me is that just because society! says that men (and women for that matter), should be all shameless and parading around shirtless and wanting to show off and be exhibitionist, why should I! let that make me feel uncomfrotable. I've had some funny comments on the occasions I've swam in a shirt, my comment is usually "I'm more comfortable doing this" and left it at that.

why should I feel what the collective wants me to feel. I'd love to be in a position where I no longer have to be afraid of what others will do to my body, heck I always admire nudists, but that's not within my control at the moment so the collective can take a running jump!