Trans feelings

I don’t know if it’s OCD, DID or what. I do know it’s really confusing. I have this feeling when I travel alone, driving long distances, that I don’t really exist. Maybe that’s part of this.

So I noticed that I’m not being triggered by the gender stuff. I’m not really happy about being male, but I feel like “whatever.” Then I think, I must have had some degree of healing. Then lamenting the possibility that I’m not trans.

What is wrong with me?
 
Confusion and self doubt. Two things that plague me all the time. For years I wasn’t so sure about my sexual orientation or identity.
I was so confused. I played the part of being a man but was always confused. At this point I realize that I am bi and that I’m ok with that. I also have come to terms with the question was this caused by the abuse or was I a always bi. For me it doesn’t matter anymore this is what I am. I’m in a committed relationship with my wife so if I’m attracted to a man or woman it the same nice to look at, but not for me.
Your not alone in the way you feel.
Keep on sharing.
 
I don’t know if it’s OCD, DID or what. I do know it’s really confusing. I have this feeling when I travel alone, driving long distances, that I don’t really exist. Maybe that’s part of this.

So I noticed that I’m not being triggered by the gender stuff. I’m not really happy about being male, but I feel like “whatever.” Then I think, I must have had some degree of healing. Then lamenting the possibility that I’m not trans.

What is wrong with me?

That post touches me close to the heart. This topic is on my radar daily, and now I've manifested toward and embraced my gender non conforming life. I look back, and an honest reflection shows innumerable occasions where my default was to deny myself, erase what I thought, and dig my heals into isolating myself, or for a long time, medicating my thoughts out of my mind.

This year has a few milestones, and reading that from you, and knowing that for myself, where it fits about not conforming to a binary gender identity; rather, I now know a lot more, have added a lot more explanations by learning new words and reading others perspectives. I am what I am.
I hope to convey that I am sure of what I now know. Being non-binary seemed to fit for a while, but it took adding words I hadn't engaged with before. That vocabulary started about 4 years ago, and now, being here, and therapy, have brought me to, me.

There's no wrong answer toward these concerns, the honest answer about feeling wrong, is that our past clouds so much, and then relating to our inner child, teen, young self, all that living is a humanity that we didn't deserve, we muddled through, with ups and downs. Now, we're seeking to process and find ourselves. Be kind toward the parts of you that are processing, we deserve that kindness, to know we're worthy of it. You're worthy of it, and have shown a lot of work the time here. I see it, and am glad to have this space to share what resonates, and are my truths, relating to your truths, your process, what you need and care about.
 
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