Toxic people in your life

Toxic people in your life
O

onlyakid

Does anyone have a toxic relationship with a family member? I live at home due to my lack of an actual career and live with my mother and my stepfather. My mother has her moments but nothing close to my stepfather. He is very opinionated always complaining about people and tends to have an anger issue (no psychical violence or anything) but little things set him off and annoy him. My anxiety gets heightened when I'm around him alot of the time and I tend to screw up even more due to a heightened anxiety of what his reaction is going to be. Unfortunately, I do not have the money to move out. I'm currently unemployed and my parents have graciously paid for my expenses including my car payment but I feel like all this good will has strings attached to it. I am currently going to school to get more certifications in order to have better job prospects. I guess the best I can do is try to get a job, try to get a salary that I can afford a place of my own and then save up an emergency fund incase of well emergencies so I don't have to rely on my parents.
 
I feel where you coming from man!!! I my self am leaving with my father and hes wife. I to cant afford a place and it seems like e ery job I get it last like 5 months the most.. It angers me that I cant hold a job for yrs. Becouse my traumas maybe or I cant concentrate. I always give it my best and always fails. No call outs no late entrees I just fail this i believe has a lot to do with the traumas and anger inside we as victims of csa. Not all but high percentage drive are bodies with a lot of anxiety and depressions depending the level of traumas... it sucks...
 
I had to cease contact with my dad. He died estranged from the family. He was toxic to all, a user of people.

It was difficult to admit my deal of having a good father had died. I had to Amit defeat. But then I started trying to figure out what a good father was, and be a better one myself.

If you can't escape a daily dose of he toxic person, that is tough.
 
Thanks guys for the replies, It is tough and I'm an anxious person to begin with always worrying about what the future will bring will I be able to do stuff like find a job, keep a job, pass my tests for certification. It causes me to shut down and not care and this only makes things worse. I self-numb with food with of course compounds it even further.

Again thanks for the replies
Jason
 
I now leave and distance myself from toxic personalities and people,no matter how I may be related or know--it is draining and they cannot be changed unless they want to be changed.

Kevin
 
Only,
I'll spare you a lengthy reply and just assure you that I can relate completely.

Your situation is temporary, even if that means a couple of years, so keep that encouraging thought in mind. Eventually, you will be able to leave and control how much or how little contact you will have with toxic relatives.

In my situation, THIS is when the game was just beginning. My father (being the sexual predator and physical abuser to us kids) and my mother (being the family manager who, at ALL costs, kept up the appearance of a good, christian family) used guilt, shame, self-pity, and threats to control our lives.

That's when I came to realize that all four of us kids had been groomed to be forever controlled and mastered by our parents. We didn't know love, we only knew obligation and fear.

We had no tools to make it in the world as individuals. Our social skills were nil, our educational efforts were thwarted, and our ability to financially see after ourselves was greatly hindered. It's how this type of toxic parent keeps control of their children's lives, and it is highly effective in protecting a predator in the family.

It may help if you are aware of this pattern of toxic parent, as it will help you fend off the guilt tactics coming in the future. You'll hear a lot of "After all we've done for you."

They don't have to be hated; they can be recognized as damaged and sick, which brings compassion and helps keep hatred and anger toward them at bay. (Just don't make my mistake and let the compassion suck you back into being repeatedly abused in different ways.)

It takes both courage and knowledge to maneuver through it, so seek the help of a therapist when possible and study up on toxic parents. It may or may not be necessary at some point to sever ties, but it's also okay to choose a healthier highway and wave now and then as you pass by.

This thread, I am certain, will be helpful to many others. Will you keep us posted?
 
Well, its not getting any better. My stepfather wanted me to help him turn the water on outside as we had turned it off for the winter. He wasn't ready to do it so I was told not to go out or anything as I would be needed. I recently come to find out that he called for me from downstairs (my room is upstairs) and I didn't hear him. So rather than call me on my cell phone or something, he proceeds to do it himself and get angry that I didn't help him.

At this point I am really thinking about trying to get disability and move out. I can't do this anymore.
 
Writer Keith could have been talking of my family. Retired marine and Southern Baptist Preacher father, pious mother, no social skills to survive in the world, both parents predators, show the world a successful exterior at any cost, no love only obligation. The sexual abuse stopped before I began to remember it, and only started remembering in my 50's. It's only now in my 60's I am learning to find a ME under all the abuse. I am grateful I am finally able to do it.

You will survive this onlyakid, and you have the ability to begin to learn to separate yourself from the abuse in your family in your mind. As a matter of fact, every thing you can learn to do to separate who you are from the abusive situation you are in will be a plus for you in your new world outside your family. At some point you will have new found wings and fly. My experience is I took my abusive learning with me and kept repeating abusive situations even into my early 60's.

Sending you love and support.

Don
 
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