Touchy Feely thingys

[MrDon]

Tomorrow, I'm going for a massage! And not just a 1 minute thing either... a full hour,, full body... relaxation massage... ohhh,, my body' is screaming to goooooooooo....

And for those of you who have known me for a little while, and for any of you who haven't known me for a long time... this type of thing just used to scare the living tar feathers off of me.

Touch was something that was used in a negative way for me and massage in fact was a precursor to the abuse in many ways... but I've gotten a little better with this... and someone close to me has helped a lot.

And in fact at one time I would only let a female give me a massage - never ever considering that I would ever in a million years let a guy give me a massage... well I asked for a guy on Monday... I want to clean the closet out of these fears... they are cluttering up the place. I know I've been hanging on to them just in case I needed them... sounds strange doesn't it,, but I'm a ready to throw the trash out the window!

Oh, by the way I had a chair massage last week when I went to the open house at the Massage school......... oh man, oh man, it was sooooo awesome... I slept so well that night and was so darned relaxed.....

Just had to share this....

Don

 

[angry]

I dont even feel comfortable if my wife gives me a message. I also feel uncomfortable in vulnerable situations like when I get my hair cut. Whats your secret?

 

[MrDon]

Hair cuts... oh that brings back memories for me as well. I used to really have a hard time getting hair cuts... that one isn't too bad anymore but still isn't something I really want to do.

As far as touch goes, well that has been a very difficult one for me. I wouldn't let anyone close to me for anything. And then as I started to heal some of this stuff, I found out that in safe situations, I could let others touch me... for a little bit at least. I worked through a lot of this in therapy and at some survivor events that I went to. I also used a massage therapist in conjunction with my therapist to work on it. Even with this, intimiate touch was so very hard.

I have a partner who is also a survivor and understands. We both respect each other and can say stop at any time. But I have still struggled through this part of a relationship.

It has taken me time to get this far. I'm not sure I have any secrets other than a lot of hard work and the willingness to face the fears I have.

If anything I have learned it is how to separate out what was the abuse from a long time ago, and what is taking place now. These two things are worlds apart and I am still working on helping myself to understand that.

Don