Too much. Too fast.

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Too much. Too fast.

After finding this site yesterday, I was so hopeful. But I think I moved too fast.

I've been alone with this for so long that I tried too hard. I joined a chat last nite and the results (not the people) were worse than I could have imagined.

I told them everything. Answered questions, etc. Tried to help others myself and them, BAM!

I went thru a waking flashback that was so bad, I couldn't even be sure it wasn't happening. It was so bad that I guess I worked myself into a severe asthma attack. Landed in the hospital, which hasn't happened for over six years.

This is just one more example to me of how erratic my life has become. I want so much to be rid of this that I don't realize that I have some roads I am not ready to cross yet.

To anyone who had to witness this, my deepest apologies.

Am I finally losing it? I am so ashamed right now that I'm ready to run.
 
No, you are not finally losing it. You are finally getting it back, by taking it back.
 
Marc,

I wouldn't say that you are loosing in. You did overwhelm yourself.

One of the big things that we need to learn and respect is our boundaries. What are our boundaries? What are willing and able to accept? This varies with all and within us varies along our lives and stages of healing. Whatever and whereever the boundaries lie, we must learn to respect them.

There is no set schedule of healing and you cannot push yourself through it. Pushing as you have seen can be overwhelming. You have held in so many memories and feelings for many years, none of us can relive them all in one night. Nor should we try. Set your boundary of what you can handle and respect that boundary and step back, relax and breathe. Take a break when needed. Respect yourself, your wants and needs.

Take care,
Bill
 
Marc,

When this first happens, when you first start addressing these things, it IS overwhelming! You always have a tendancy to get hings moving and get going NOW! This is normal!

Now, it's also normal to crash. It's expected and you have to accept that it will happen from time to time. I'm crashing with alarming regularity!...:-)

Be gentle with yourself, Marc. Be patient. It's every natural to want to be fixed NOW! But the truth is that it will take time. I'm still learning, really.

You're absolutely okay, Marc. Things will get better. It always hard. Since my Mom, God rest her soul, worked in medicine, I compare it to getting a bad burn. You need to have it debreeded, scoured out, and disinfected. This part hurts like Hell, but once it's over, and the new skin is in place and beginning to heal, it gets better. It FEELS better, and you wonder how it was to be in pain.

Consider this early part "soul debreeding."

Peace and love, Marc.

Scot
 
i think it is very easy to get carried away, especially when you first dive in. it is worse the newer you are to recovery too. you are more easily triggered, and dont recognize those triggers even if you know what they are. it takes time to develop a way of coping with those times better. just go slow, slowing down lets you digest things before they go as far. if you can catch it early, you can bail before it goes as far.

sorry that happened. i tend not to chat for personal reasons. the boards allow me a slower pace and more control i guess.
 
Marc
we're adults trying to deal with childhood emotions, and it's only natural to try and run before we can walk. I know I did it and crashed out a few times.

Your 'speed' will come to you, and it's part of the learning and healing.
Don't beat yourself up, just learn from your new experiences ( they're NOT mistakes ! )

Dave
 
You are losing it...you are losing some of this crap out of your system and that is a good thing. Dude, there is no need to be ashamed of how you are feeling. This is a painful experience and it can be very emotional.

My case was incest...my mother...memories came to life about a month and a half ago and it is still hard..yesterday I wept like there was no tomorrow..i thought i would have a heart attack and die..but guess what...there was a tomorrow (now today) and we do make it through.

Be strong and now we support you.
 
Marc - whatever you think you may need to apologise for, I don't know - nobody here that has taken offence at anything I have posted so far (I don't think - if anyone has please tell me).

What you will find here is one hell of a lot of support.

Take it at your own pace ( I know it's a total shock to the system when you find a site like this - you read the postings and realise that so many people have so much in common with you...and you thought you were the only one, I know I did).

This is an excellent place....it will help you very much. Help yourself first, then when you are stronger, think about helping others.

Best wishes & some strength for the journey...Rik
 
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