Too much flesh
Grunty1967b
Registrant
**Possible Triggers***
Summer is coming where I live and that means guys will be wearing less, and many wont wear shirts and Im not talking about the beach (which I avoid), I mean just on the street and the shops.
My problem is that I cringe when I see this. I hate it. I dont want to see any other guys or their bodies beyond the [acceptable to me] arms & legs. Bizaar maybe? I dont really understand all of this myself, but I know some thoughts that make me feel uncomfortable. I feel that seeing more flesh should only be done in an intimate setting, and I dont want intimacy walking down the street. Im not saying Im attracted to these guys in a gay sense. Far from it! Firstly, Im straight and secondly it actually makes me feel sick.
When I see male exposure (best term I can think of) it draws my mind to the previous times Ive seen male exposure and that was during my abuse time. So its MAJOR TRIGGER TIME for me when this happens. As I said, I NEVER go down the beach. Thats just asking for it, but even a brief shopping trip can make me feel yuk the rest of the day.
As if thats not enough, (why stop at just one effect on your psyche?), as I see some of these guys my mind then goes into hating my own body mode. I might see a washboard stomach, or larger arms than mine (not hard as Im a bit of a skinny rake) and then Ill wish my body was like that. I know it might sound nuts. I even know why I think those thoughts.
I think to myself that if I looked like that THEN Id be ok and would be a better person and people would like me more, and Id feel better blah blah blah. I know thats wrong and it wont solve [whatever] is wrong with me. I know this for a fact.
Ive seen a guy with a better hair style than I think mine is (despite whatever compliments I might have had). So, Ill go out and get my hairstyle changed! And after spending lots of $$$ Ill then look whatever way I was trying to and surprise surprise, Im still feeling down on myself. Even if Im totally happy with my new hair style, Ill then see someone else who looks like I dont and off we go again. Of course, variety is the spice of life as they say, so next time around it might be a shirt some guy is wearing. So Ill go off and buy the exact same shirt to feel better. Vicious circle!
Now, if this causes you to laugh feel free. I am actually laughing as I write this. It sounds so insane, and as you can tell I have a pretty good insight into it, although Im obviously not over it. So, laugh away. I will not be offended. It is a big joke, but at the same time Im sick of it.
Summer is coming where I live and that means guys will be wearing less, and many wont wear shirts and Im not talking about the beach (which I avoid), I mean just on the street and the shops.
My problem is that I cringe when I see this. I hate it. I dont want to see any other guys or their bodies beyond the [acceptable to me] arms & legs. Bizaar maybe? I dont really understand all of this myself, but I know some thoughts that make me feel uncomfortable. I feel that seeing more flesh should only be done in an intimate setting, and I dont want intimacy walking down the street. Im not saying Im attracted to these guys in a gay sense. Far from it! Firstly, Im straight and secondly it actually makes me feel sick.
When I see male exposure (best term I can think of) it draws my mind to the previous times Ive seen male exposure and that was during my abuse time. So its MAJOR TRIGGER TIME for me when this happens. As I said, I NEVER go down the beach. Thats just asking for it, but even a brief shopping trip can make me feel yuk the rest of the day.
As if thats not enough, (why stop at just one effect on your psyche?), as I see some of these guys my mind then goes into hating my own body mode. I might see a washboard stomach, or larger arms than mine (not hard as Im a bit of a skinny rake) and then Ill wish my body was like that. I know it might sound nuts. I even know why I think those thoughts.
I think to myself that if I looked like that THEN Id be ok and would be a better person and people would like me more, and Id feel better blah blah blah. I know thats wrong and it wont solve [whatever] is wrong with me. I know this for a fact.
Ive seen a guy with a better hair style than I think mine is (despite whatever compliments I might have had). So, Ill go out and get my hairstyle changed! And after spending lots of $$$ Ill then look whatever way I was trying to and surprise surprise, Im still feeling down on myself. Even if Im totally happy with my new hair style, Ill then see someone else who looks like I dont and off we go again. Of course, variety is the spice of life as they say, so next time around it might be a shirt some guy is wearing. So Ill go off and buy the exact same shirt to feel better. Vicious circle!
Now, if this causes you to laugh feel free. I am actually laughing as I write this. It sounds so insane, and as you can tell I have a pretty good insight into it, although Im obviously not over it. So, laugh away. I will not be offended. It is a big joke, but at the same time Im sick of it.