tommorrow my daughter turns 1yr old!!

[scarman]

I feel like such a failure...

Her mother and I are in the process of splitting up and she is so f***in' young! She will never remember having the loving family that I had envisioned for her. I worry about her as she grows up. I am determined to do everything I can to be in her life as much as I can, but, still I don't think it will be enough. She is so beautiful and innocent, but her dad won't be there for her all the time.

I use to think it was all my fault, but I know it is not. I wish, I wish, I wish....I could be there for her when she needs me. I'm really not sure if this is going to happen. Time will tell, and I'm scared to wait. I want to hold her close to me and not let anything bad happen to her.

Only to have her grow and be a strong woman, that is all I want out of life. I hope that is not too much to ask....

I've mentioned in some of my past posts that trust is a huge thing for me. I don't trust her mom. This also worries me. So basically I'm a bag of worries, terified what each day will bring. At the same time I want to get on with my life and see if I can be a resonably good father, even if it is not what I once dreamed being a dad would be like.

I can't help wonder if I wasn't abused, would I be in this horrible situation today? I don't want ot put all of my lifes problems on the abuse, but I think it has alot to do with it.

I can't wait to see her tommorrow,(staying at a friends house for abit). I'm going to burn an entire roll of film on her eating / making a mess with her cake.

sad dad

 

[Bill_1965]

I'm sorry for you and your daughter. The invisioned family setting is gone. But that doesn't mean she won't have a loving, caring, active father.

My son's 4th birthday is less than 4 weeks way. Him and I am close, I wish I could be there all the time, but that is not possible. My ex-wife, his mother, has made sure of that. Now I have a real trust issue. And she has made it worse each opportunity she can. I now have a deep concern that she doesn't take his well-being into consideration, more than a deep concern. His mother's birthday was yesterday. He, with my help, spent the morning making personalized wrapping paper and a card. He wrote out the message himself, I helped with the spelling. "B-i-r-t-h-d-a-y has a lot of letters," you know.

Have fun tomorrow burning up the film. Kodak needs the money. Always let her feel the love you have for her.

A fellow father,
Bill

 

[IrishKipley]

Scarman

not having any children i can only imagine what you must feel like. i know it is going to be hard not seeing your daughter every day. the important thing is that you are concerned about her, love her so deeply even though you two are not always together. just because you won't be there every day doesn't mean that she won't feel the presence of you in her everyday life. you seem to be a wonderful dad to her and as she grows up she will know that you love her and that you are always there for her emotionally, if not always physically.

have fun tommorrow with her and DO take lots of pictures. i'm so sorry you are having to deal with this right now, but you are a good person, a good father...you will make it.

Kip

 

[lee75]

the hell you feel now is really strong. i wasnt able to see my daughter for the first 2 years of her life due to her mother and i fighting. now she is nine and i get her everyother weekend and every tuesday and thursday. we get along now. its still hard to bite back things i want to say when when im mad at her. but ive learned how to deal with the situation. i would do anything and everything in your power to make sure you can see your child. i really believe my daughter is the only reason that im still living. that sounds bad im sure, but i had to not do drugs and drink on the days i had her. now i get to deal with the S/A issues that ive ignored until now. they WILL not be denied.
i feel for you. its a hard place. but i found it does get better. (sometimes slowly) but it does.