told sister and brother

[guy]

I darted to fla a week and half ago to escape depression and to not medicate with a woman i had no business doing so at the time for my depression and sadness over a recent other break up.

told my brother. he suprised me and said he had heard that about ron but he never knew he did that to me. he also said he was "on guard" around him becasue he had heard that.


he supported me, he is rather non-emotional, stated all the good i had, and in a way minimzed the damage i have/had from it. not from a mean sense, but he had seen the facade i have lived all my life while repressing it, he thinks i am fine, got it made, all that b.s. he did say he would help me find him and suggested a search source for doing so.

he was comforting but we are both "macho" acting, he more so than me. i know he cares and loves me.
but i am not really that fine or o.k.

my sister got very upset. both are older than me, she says she wish she would have known and could have "saved me". that hurt a bit. she expressed her love, offered to do anything, cried, sent me a few e-mails, is upset about it.
she did agree to honor my wish of not telling our older and fragile parents as did my brother.

so, it felt better to tell them. i am kind of numb of it. i do wish i had a comforting and trusting partner like the many i read on this forum, i never told any of them except one after we broke up, and then i got burned again, i got betrayed first by her.

i will keep going to my t. keep on my meds. i know i have my family's love.

for those that haven't, i do think they should in time. i waited 31 years. i would have thought it would be a big release but i guess since i am currently depressed, i did not get a whole lot out of it except for knowing they love me, and i already knew that. i also stayed in step with my t plan and that included telling them.

i will talk to her (t) thursday again, maybe she will enlighten me some on my numbness and mixed feelings.

at least the good news, i am not harboring my secret with them anymore and they will better understand me. i will also send my sister a book that i told her about.

kind of rambling- take care, guy

 

[Ivanhoe]

Big steps, Guy, really big steps.
I'm thinking that your brother my drop some of that macho stuff as you guys interact with one another and he sees that it's not necessary. That is, unless, he acts that way with others in his life. And, maybe, it's his way of showing you that you have, "a big strong guy to lean on," if you need one.
I think that it's good that significant others in our lives know about us as long as none of them use it as, "ammunition," for some family fight or something.
I had a sister who was bi-polar and I couldn't risk telling her; at least, that's the way I felt about it. No one, I told no one in my family about what happened. My wife's family knows and only one of them has become obnoxious about it...wants to intellectualize it to death and gets pretty abusive with the questions...so I avoid him.
Anyway, I'm happy for you in that I think this could build some bridges with your brother and sister...we need to know of each other's burdens and pain if we are to understand and help one another...end of sermon.

Peace and strength,

David

 

[SAR]

guy,

I'm glad that you were able to talk to your sister and brother about it and that it was a positive experience for you. Look at it this way, that is two more outlets you have in times of crisis.

I'm sure your sister didn't mean to hurt you any more. I am a big sister and a mom, and sometimes I think I am more protective when it comes to my little brother than with my own kids, even though he's not a kid anymore. There is some good info. out there for family and friends, a bunch on this site if you're comfortable with her being here.

Take good care of yourself.
SAR

 

[guy]

thanks david and sar,

i posted here to get some "other" feedback.

my brother is tough and a protector but not a redneck bar fighter- hate to use those terms but he is just big and strong.

i do see now, he was being strong, my big brother. i love him for it. he will help me with anything and has in the past. he will take a punch or take a shot for me, he is so strong mentally and emotionally. i tried to act that way but deep down, i am not inside.

as for my sister, i think i should "turn her on" to this site. she did not want to upset me but i can't help to feel for her when she said she wish she could have saved me. she would have done it if she only knew.

we were in hawaii, she had contacts that would hurt the guy pretty bad. now that we are adults, she is much more calmer, mature, and methodical.

she hurts with me cuz she loves me.

i will see my t tomorrow and discuss such.

your responses have helped, thanks, guy