Relationship Issues Told my partner of 25 years we need go our own ways

[smc1972]

Well it just got worse. It is my fault for responding to his texts. He started the whole thing on how he will be homeless and he will have no place to go. He kept pushing my buttons so I said I am done. No more talk about anything other than him renting a place and moving. He has not even made an effort to do anything.

So he just now said “do not make get an attorney i am a tenant.” Fucking kidding me. Never paid rent or utilities, not on the house or anything and he threatens to get an attorney. That he wont move until i sell the house and we have each have to move. Again WTF. He saying he has a low income job he makes right at $40k. I have paid off all his debt multiple times even just in the past 2-3 years and he is back in debt again and using a debt relief company again. But he can afford an attorney really.

Week started shitty and just gets worse. I am fighting my mind from going the fucking better off dead place. No i am not going to but just my life has gone to total shit. Try to make myself better by working on all the crap in my life and it has not gotten better over all. Yeah some positives but then new crappier stuff comes. Part of me wants to how i wish i could just go back and just kept stuff suppressed. But i caught myself and thought well if i had done that would i even still be here on earth.

I still have compassion for him even with all the things tonight, stupid of me. I do not know where my place in life is. Maybe it was and is just to support others and be miserable inside. Someone messaged me today saying how based on what i posted to someones thread i today that I must be doing better. I replied that i am good at repeating things i have been told but not at applying to myself. That i am not better maybe worse and this was before the stuff tonight with my ex.

Now to lay awake after taking my new sleep meds that were just increased last week and still haven’t had a full night sleep. I admit i am tempted to take another one or two. I just want to sleep but i know i cant take more.

 

[Healing light]

Well it just got worse. It is my fault for responding to his texts. He started the whole thing on how he will be homeless and he will have no place to go. He kept pushing my buttons so I said I am done. No more talk about anything other than him renting a place and moving. He has not even made an effort to do anything.

So he just now said “do not make get an attorney i am a tenant.” Fucking kidding me. Never paid rent or utilities, not on the house or anything and he threatens to get an attorney. That he wont move until i sell the house and we have each have to move. Again WTF. He saying he has a low income job he makes right at $40k. I have paid off all his debt multiple times even just in the past 2-3 years and he is back in debt again and using a debt relief company again. But he can afford an attorney really.

Week started shitty and just gets worse. I am fighting my mind from going the fucking better off dead place. No i am not going to but just my life has gone to total shit. Try to make myself better by working on all the crap in my life and it has not gotten better over all. Yeah some positives but then new crappier stuff comes. Part of me wants to how i wish i could just go back and just kept stuff suppressed. But i caught myself and thought well if i had done that would i even still be here on earth.

I still have compassion for him even with all the things tonight, stupid of me. I do not know where my place in life is. Maybe it was and is just to support others and be miserable inside. Someone messaged me today saying how based on what i posted to someones thread i today that I must be doing better. I replied that i am good at repeating things i have been told but not at applying to myself. That i am not better maybe worse and this was before the stuff tonight with my ex.

Now to lay awake after taking my new sleep meds that were just increased last week and still haven’t had a full night sleep. I admit i am tempted to take another one or two. I just want to sleep but i know i cant take more.

This really is an extremely difficult part of the journey

He's making things difficult on purpose.

I wouldn't think they'd be any point in an attorney as he doesn't have a tenancy agreement nor has he financially contributed
You have been kind and fair.

I understand why you still have compassion, can't just turn off feelings, and your a compassionate person that's not a negative feature


It takes time to find your feet on the other side of a long relationship without trauma but especially so with trauma

I really hope you get some sleep because it's so massively important sleep, hydration and fuel (food) are absolutely key
It's so frustrating when tablets don't seem to be working, I have been there myself laid there thinking but I took enough to sink a battle ship why am I still awake

I wanted you to know you've been heard

Wishing you Peace in your healing journey HL

 

[smc1972]

Just so read for this to be over and for him to be out on his own. With the exception of therapy yesterday i spent my entire day dealing with trying to get things quoted or figured out to get him out. This pat week I have spoken with apartment complexes here in an in SD and explain to them the situation. Basically that I will be on the hook for the rent for the first 6 months while he obtains a job. Getting him to fill out the application which took days because of the way the online application system is configured. Now I am just praying they accept the application so at least then there is a date set for him to be somewhere else. If they say no then i am going to loose it. I know legally I can have him evicted and yes he has played on my heart strings like everyone does to me. I have not reached a point or may never reach a point where i could have him forcibly removed.


Then trying to get a home equity loan and a quote for the movers. Made the mistake on both to where my request went through a service so I was bombarded with calls. Yesterday there were 27 calls.

Learned that they are not real interested in doing a loan if you are planing to move in 60 days. Some told me i had to wait 6 months or up to a year. That was a new wrinkle. Next was being on short-term-disability even though I am being paid 100% and sent proof still may be an issue. Waiting to hear on that one

. Was supposed to have met with my relator yesterday but called that off when I leaned the equity loan may be an issue. I was planning to get the house listed. I am sure I am driving her nuts with all my indecision on selling to begin with then this.

All the while he has done nothing to pack. I am meeting with him at the house on Wednesday when he gets in form work to go over things within the house on what he wants. I already told him I do not care what he wants to take, all i want are my personal belongings and art items I have had even before we met.

I am back to just being overwhelmed and being super depressed. Sat and cried while in therapy yesterday talking about. Also things for my childhood have come back dreams, images, thoughts etc. Past several weeks those had been pretty dormant since all my mind has been focused on is getting out of this relationship. The worst part I told her is that an image popped in to my head, one that I have had for probably over 40 years. It was the image of me hanging from the rafters in the barn at like 11yo. It makes me feel so fucked up that it came back to me. What kid should think or visualize such a thing and then to still have it in you decades later. I want it out of my mind. We plan to work on it as far as removing the extreme emotions tied to it. Can’t take the image away permanently which I get.