Told my mother

Told my mother
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Registrant
Some of you may recall that a couple of weeks ago I had mentioned that I was considering telling my mother about the abuse I suffered when I was a kid. I was, however, extremely reluctant because I knew that it would hurt her deeply and I do not want to cause her pain. She has had a difficult life and I sure didn't want to make it any harder.

Well, she cornered me as to why I always left the house a couple hours before I had a scheduled class on Wednesdays, and I told her it was to go see a T. When she asked why, I told her that I had been abused.

Her responce was "I know." And she proceeded to tell me that when I was two years old the guy that she was living with was molesting me (she immediately moved out.) Needless to say, I was completely shocked. My first memory is at about four, so I don't remember that at all.

Then I told her what I was talking about, her friends teenage son molesting me. Apparently it was my time to blindside her, because she was totally shocked by that.

Some stuff started to make some sense for us though.

I really don't remember much from when I was being abused but she said that I used to tell her that her friends other son was picking on me and that I didn't want to go back. I don't remember telling her that, but I guess maybe it was my way of trying to tell her something was wrong without telling her what.

As I look back, I can recall that in Kindergarten I never wanted to play with the little boys at recess. Whenever we would have a boy vs. girl game, I would always play on the girls side. I don't know if it's relevent, because I can't remember why I did that but shit like that kinda gets me thinking now considering what my mother told me.

Ultimately, we just held each other for awhile and cried. When she asked how I was dealing with it I told her about discovering little Eric within myself, and telling him that it wasn't his fault, and I burst into tears again. (Guess I still have some work on fully convincing myself of that...)

We both felt a lot better when all was said and done. We had shared a major secret. She had said that she had mixed feelings about telling me, but how do you tell your kid something like that. I know I feel a lot better that I shared it with my mother, she really is one of the most important people in my life, and it was very releaving to be able to tell her.

So something of a mixed result came from it I suppose. I was able to share this with my mom, and we're both okay, but what she told me really brings up a lot of questions. Is there anything else I can't remember? Did being abused so young affect why I let the abuse go on with my second perp? What the fuck makes someone do something like that to a fucking two year old!

Sorry, I'm just kind of rambling now...

Thanks for listening.

Eric
 
I'm glad you had a positive outcome to telling your mom and her validation has to go a long ways with you. Unfotunately I didn't get the chance to talk with my mom and now it is too late. But the validation.... wow, that has to help a lot or it seems like it would when I start to get everything jumbled in my brain.

I don't know what makes someone do this to a child of any age... it just makes me sick. And it makes me want to hunt down every Fkin child molester and slit them by their jewels!

Don
 
I am so happy for you. I have been thinking about telling my parents but I am afraid of what they will say or do. It really makes me think that my parents could understand and still love me. I am so happy that you had a postive expernce with your mother. It gives me hope that one day I will fine the inner strength to tell my parents.
 
Eric
You're so lucky to find her support and love.

Dave
 
Eric:

Wow! What an incredible experience of disclosure & discovery you've shared with us; thank you!

Is there anything else I can't remember? Did being abused so young affect why I let the abuse go on with my second perp? What the fuck makes someone do something like that to a fucking two year old!
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Fellow survivor, don't worry about what you can't remember, but what you can. Yes I know that's easier said than done, and believe me I'm still working on it. Actually I'm kinda parroting what my T keeps telling me. Whatever else there may be will come when you need it & are ready as you continue in recovery.

Hard to say whether being abused so young affected why you "let it go on" with your 2nd perp--if that's what you really did. Perhaps, in part becuz of that early abuse, you didn't know anything else to do but "let" it go on. It's not that you wanted to or that it was in any way your fault.

What the fuck makes someone do something like that to a fucking two year old!
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Eric, the last couple days I've had to start asking myself that last question rather specifically.

You see, I thot my abuse began at probably age 3 tho possibly earlier. Only in the last few days have I been able to clarify my memories to the point of realizing I couldn't have been more than two, becuz my brother wasn't around (born) yet.

So why indeed!? :confused: :mad: :( :mad:

No answer here brother. It's still damn hard to even think about...

But the more these moments of clarity come to me, the more I know just what I'm up against--and just how to deal with it!

Eric my friend you've given me a lot to think about. I broke all contact with my mother when I started remembering my abuse about 18 months ago.
Recently I wrote her a note & told her not to contact us anymore.

Of course my mother was my primary perp.

Always wondered if I'd ever get back in touch or try to reconcile.

Don't see it now, but who knows?...

Victor
 
Unfotunately I didn't get the chance to talk with my mom and now it is too late.
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That's something I gotta think about too. My mother is not that healthy and lives a long way from here. I'm just not ready to bridge the emotional distance between us caused by the pain of what she did to me & allowed others to do to me, whether she remembers or denies it or not.

Above all, I must to my own self be true--and loyal.

I don't know what makes someone do this to a child of any age... it just makes me sick. And it makes me want to hunt down every Fkin child molester and slit them by their jewels!
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Friend, I know the feeling! But I suppose that's too barbaric a punishment for our enlightened society! :rolleyes: You know, the society that's so enlightened they let molestors get away with this soul murder thru the "statute of limitations on justice" :mad: or by slapping these perps on the wrist. :mad: :mad:

Like you, sometimes I feel like I'd like to slap something else--clean off 'em! :D

Victor
 
Thank you for the very kind respones everyone. I expected no different.

Don
I'm sorry that you never got the opportunity to have that discussion with your mother. It was truely a wonderful feeling and I am sorry that you missed it. I also understand your rage. Believe me, I share it.

Nathan
Belive me, there was a whole lot of fear as to how my mother would take this. Would she even believe me? But I lucked out, I've got a terriffic mother who loves me very much. While I don't know you, I suspect that your parents also love you very much, and though they will be hurt that you were hurt, they will surely accept it. When the time comes that you feel you should tell them, I humbly offer any advice you feel you need.

Victor
What I mean by "why I let it go on" maybe I thought it was normal and that's why I didn't tell anyone. Is that the case? I don't know. Ultimately I suppose it doesn't make that much difference, I cannot change what occurred.

As to your own mother, it would take a kind of strength and forgiveness that I cannot even concieve of to allow your mother back into your life after what she did. I'm very lucky in I was not abused by anyone in my family, and my mother took the appropriate steps to get me out of the first situation immediately, and that I have no contact with either of the two people who abused me. Thank you for your responce.

Once again, thank you all for your kind words and understanding.

Eric
 
Eric - that is great that you got a positive response from your mother. I wish I could say the same. It makes it so much easier when you do get people reacting positive to you and want to listen and help compared to others that just want to ignore it and hope it goes away. My parents and 2 of my siblings just want it to go away. The other 2 siblings will listen but will never bring it up. When I do talk to my parents, they make it seem that they are the victims compared to me who lived thru the crap.

The one thing that makes me feel good lately is that I have found someone who wants to listen, who wants to understand, who actually is reading books on child abuse to get a better understanding of me and what I am going through so that she can help me. I wish I had this response from any of the other people that I disclosed to.

Mike
 
Eric,
That was a really great story. Breaking down that secrect can feel so good. I've yet to confront my parents but I think about it everyday. Soon I will and I'll let you know how it goes.
Take care,
mike
 
Eric,
I am so very greatful that you had to tell your mom + that she will be a great support in your recovery of SA. My husband's [Mr Edd] mom was told of Ed's SA + she responded with love. Our problem is that Mr Edd blames his mom for leaving him + his sister in a filthy daycare with 3 Perps every schoolday from the time he was 5 until he was 11. :mad: :mad: :mad:
We are also very grateful that Mr Edd's Perps were not family. :)
DO NOT WORRY ABOUT WHAT YOU CANNOT REMEMBER BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO WORK THROUGH WHAT YOU NEED TO RIGHT NOW. Just deal with today because you can only see today. Talk to you soon.

WITH MUCH LOVE,
Kim
 
Eric,

I am so glad you had such a positive experience telly your mother. It is not always that way when you tell parents. I was also abused at a very early age and can relate to your feelings of not wanting to play with the other boys. I have spent a lifetime feeling that I did nt fit in being "one of the guys".

When I told my mother she immediately pulled the discussion from what I was saying to focusing on my younger brother and did I think that could be his problem. My father when I told him at a later time (they live in different states) just shut down and let his wife do all the talking.

Keep talking with her and treasure the relationship you have.

Ken
 
Eric, it is such good news that your mom was so loving and supportive. Moms usually are that way...but some just hide in denial.

Why anyone would harm a child is a big question. I really do not like to say that they do it because they are sick. That seems to mean we are supposed to feel sorry for them. No man is so sick he would harm a two year old baby. That is simple evil.

Nathan, I suspect too, that your parents love you a lot. If your perp is related to one of them it is really hard for that parent to not deny for a while. But, parents so love their children that knowing you had been harmed would make them love you more, it that is possible,--and at the same time, perhaps, feel guilty that they did not catch it. They will surely hurt to know you were harmed. But I believe they will react like Eric's Mom did.

I have lots of anger that my mother never asked about my bloody, messy briefs. She used to boil our white clothes with something called bluing. I know she looked at things, at least glanced at them as she put them in the boiling water.

When I die I want an answer to why she let it all go on, or did not tell my Dad--but he was useless in things like that too.

Anyway Nathan, you will do the right thing at the right time and I think it will be good for the three of you. I hope so anyway.

Bob
 
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