told my best guy friend
Hey Gentlmen,
Last night was a big moment for me. It's only been 3 weeks since I started to heal, but I've made some substantial moves forward. Last night was a big one. I was SA by two older males, (they were early teens at the oldest) when I was a young child.
I've told two female friends that I trusted, one may no long be a friend, but maybe never was. The other friend shared with me, when I told her, that she too has similiar pains from a past that had abuse. Her and I have now grown closer. No longer living a lie, not even to myself, has shed light on things and allowed me to see a lot that was once in so much shadow.
One of the people I knew I would have to tell is my best friend, a guy I've been friends with for over 10 years. It's hard to tell a guy. I feared he would look at me differently, think I was gay, or think I was really messed up. I told him when and where I was comfortable, my female friend was with me, and that support really helped.
I'm very glad to be able to say, that he took it as well as anyone could. His attitude was basically, "I understand a lot more now man. I'm glad your working at it. And I only think the better of you for being able to face that now." This was a big load off. He had been my friend through a lot of dark days. My periods of wanting to end my life, being hospitalized years ago because of it, years of depression, and of bad relationships with women, self destruction, sabotaging myself and on and on.
Telling him felt good. It's like the more I start to deal with things the more I want to be honest. And being honest about my past feels like taking control of it. The control I never had. I'm owning it, and trying to understand it better, understand what it did to me, and then let it go, grieve, and move on with my life as a survivor not a victim.
It was a good night. Things are starting to work out a whole lot better then things ever used to. My friends told me they've seen a major change in me already. I feel like I have a long way to go. But last night sure helped. I have good friends on my side, I'm getting closer to being the person I know I really am deep inside. And I feel lucky to have been able to discuss things with some of the very good men that are here.
Posting, and reading posts has really been helping me. I hope in some way my posting will be helpful to someone else.
Thank you gentlmen,
Em
Last night was a big moment for me. It's only been 3 weeks since I started to heal, but I've made some substantial moves forward. Last night was a big one. I was SA by two older males, (they were early teens at the oldest) when I was a young child.
I've told two female friends that I trusted, one may no long be a friend, but maybe never was. The other friend shared with me, when I told her, that she too has similiar pains from a past that had abuse. Her and I have now grown closer. No longer living a lie, not even to myself, has shed light on things and allowed me to see a lot that was once in so much shadow.
One of the people I knew I would have to tell is my best friend, a guy I've been friends with for over 10 years. It's hard to tell a guy. I feared he would look at me differently, think I was gay, or think I was really messed up. I told him when and where I was comfortable, my female friend was with me, and that support really helped.
I'm very glad to be able to say, that he took it as well as anyone could. His attitude was basically, "I understand a lot more now man. I'm glad your working at it. And I only think the better of you for being able to face that now." This was a big load off. He had been my friend through a lot of dark days. My periods of wanting to end my life, being hospitalized years ago because of it, years of depression, and of bad relationships with women, self destruction, sabotaging myself and on and on.
Telling him felt good. It's like the more I start to deal with things the more I want to be honest. And being honest about my past feels like taking control of it. The control I never had. I'm owning it, and trying to understand it better, understand what it did to me, and then let it go, grieve, and move on with my life as a survivor not a victim.
It was a good night. Things are starting to work out a whole lot better then things ever used to. My friends told me they've seen a major change in me already. I feel like I have a long way to go. But last night sure helped. I have good friends on my side, I'm getting closer to being the person I know I really am deep inside. And I feel lucky to have been able to discuss things with some of the very good men that are here.
Posting, and reading posts has really been helping me. I hope in some way my posting will be helpful to someone else.
Thank you gentlmen,
Em
