today...

today...

phoster

Registrant
As the weekend passed, I found I kept wanting to breakdown and cry. I had to keep busy on things, because every time I let myself think too much I wept. I have been thinking a lot about why I am so sad. I think it is because I realized the person I am verses the person I thought I was. I thought I was this sick pervert, but I realize I am not. Going back there, I realized just how hard I tried to do the right things in life.

Jeff wouldnt have had sex, and wouldnt have done those things. I was tricked into it, and then surrendered to it. I realized that I always tried to obey, and if my parents had impressed on me that people like Mat existed, I would have run away that day. I would have never stayed if I had only known.

If Mat hadnt bastardized my sexuality, I would have grown into a perfectly normal guy. I believed in God, and in the sanctity of marriage. It was that very foundation that haunted me so badly when I realized what had happened. I blamed myself, so it was all my fault, and I was a sick SOB. I was flawed in some way.

It took going back there, so I could look forward instead of backward on my abuse. It was seeing through little Jeffs eyes to get inside my own head. Only then did I realize I wasnt who I thought I was. Now I know how good that child was, and how much this changed who he became. I can see life without abuse. I know my compassion for others wouldnt have allowed me to act out, had I known better. I know I wouldnt have hurt those others. I know I wasnt sick. I know all these things, and I mourn what might have been. I grieve for the life I lost. I was one moment, one hour away from being a normal kid. If only my parents cared a little more. If only Mat did.

Amazing how I loved the world, and loved life somewhere inside, and hated myself, and hated living so badly. I cry and weep for the boy I might have been. In time, I will grow from it, but for now, I must allow myself to feel again
 
check it out

https://spaz.ca/aaron/billious/RCYS/

stay strong..
 
Phoster,I see the little boy every day now.Some days are really tuff.Anger,sad,happy,hurt.I feel those emotions with him,because he didnt have anyone to trustand besides that he was taught to bury everythingand feel nothing./////faceinthetruth
 
I think that is one of the painful things about this whole process... the "what if" factor of if the abuse didn't happen... how would we have turned out? Especially sexually. For me, the dream of being "normal" sexually is one that creates intense anger around my abuse. If only...

But that only gets us so far, and you realize you have to do exactly what you are doing. Going back inside the abuse, inside the little boy, and reliving it all (despite how painful that is) with an adult perspective watching and hopefully supporting the little boy.

Congratulations on all of the revelations... even the painful ones. You are doing some profound, intense work. You should know how brave you are to be willing to face this. We are all brave to be willing to face this... many people never do.

-Sean
 
It has been a real ride too. I realize I am not out of the woods so to speak, but I feel I have taken one giant leap inside. I also know I cant make that leap for others around me, and that makes me sad. People told me all along it wasnt my fault, and that I wasnt sick, but until I felt it for myself, I didnt really understand. Oh, I said it out loud, and told myself I felt that way, but in the deep recesses of my brain I was still hanging all these negative labels around my neck. I feel free from that much at last. I can honestly say, it wasnt my fault, and I am not sick, and mean it. Thanks Sean. I tried to reply to your PM, but as Brett said, it came back that you were full. I figured I would be able to send it sooner or later, but I guess here is good enough to thank you for your support. it means a lot.

mike and faceinthecrowd, you too. it really does feel good to have a place where people are in my corner.
 
Phoster- it's something I often think about. 'Who I would have become'.

I've posted here before that I always blamed the 12 year old me for what happened. The best suggestion I ever got from my Therapist was to talk to 'little me'.

I did this by writing everything down - we questioned each other 12&46 years. I started to realise that no blame could be attached to a 12 year old and we now walk side by side instead of him trailing in my dust.

What I now want is for us to merge as the one person that we are - the Adult forgiving the Child, the Child becoming a Man...we can then Walk Tall as One Human Being, one eye on the past, but both eyes on the future.

Best wishes ...Rik
 
Jeff,

I like to think that I can grow into being the person I was 'meant' to be, had I not been abused, sexually, physically, emotionally. That person, that Leosha is still inside me somewhere, just like that person, that Jeff, is still within you. And you will regain your awareness of him. Good luck to you and him in your healing process.

Leosha
 
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