Today is my day

Today is my day
T

time2heal

Registrant
My story is not a new one and after reading many posts I feel a door is open here for me. My pain at this moment is still indescribable in certain aspects. I have held my demon as I call it for 25 years now. I have hid it, hated it, loved it, punished myself and others with it. My wife has for so long wanted me to get rid of my demon. It is hard to do because it changes all the time giving me different reasons to keep it. I recently have made steps towards that goal in the last four weeks but only after it about destroyed me.
I was sexually abused from age 5 until 14 or 15. My abuse came with a side order of emotional abuse starting shortly after and continuing until age 18. Now at 31 I am broken and tried to break my marriage as well. My walls were very high and drove my wife to seek attention elsewhere. I woke up just days before it was all going to end. Now as I lay at the bottom of this hole I look up and see hope. I see my wife ready to understand me and forgive me as I will do for her as well. I see a third session with my T and many more to come. I see my anger dissipating with time. I also see others here who I would rather talk to under different circumstances but feel some odd comfort by knowing I am not the only one with this pain. I look forward to talking to you all.
 
unfortunately, it takes rock bottom for most of us to finally get help. i am glad you are getting help. you will find that you are stronger than you ever realized, and that no matter what happens from here on out, you will be okay.

my ex wife had an affair with her boss. honestly, i was so bad at intimacy, who could blame her? in the end though, whether it was my ex, my affair or your wife's, we were in complete control of ourselves. be careful about shouldering too much of the blame, because survivors tend to take it all on thier own shoulders. it wasnt completely your doing. remember that. in the end, my ex left for her lover. i hope it turns out better for you two.

since i have remarried and am finally getting my act together. no matter what happens, there is life afterward.
 
Youve done a brave thing by admitting your problem. Like many here when I hit rock bottom I stayed there because I didnt think I was worth any better. It took me about 5 years to start to climb out of the hole and 20 years to finally do something about it.

There is hope, never give up. There are lots of people here who understand.

All power to you. We are all here to help and support each other.

Peace
 
time2heal,

Your screen name and the story you tell are really positive bro. You are looking forward and you and your wife are asking yourselves, "How can we look forward and get past this". It is always good to look at the past to try to understand where we are in the present, but I am so glad you aren't getting into the "blame game", which is an endless waste of emotional energy that the aprtners need for other things.

MS has a lot for you, and I'm glad you are able to post now. That's a big step bro. I wish you all the best.

Much love,
Larry
 
time2heal,

I too have been at the bottom looking up. I found that the best thing about the bottom is that up is the only direction one can look. I also am here for you, to offer hope and encouragement. So give me your hand bro, I'll help you up as others have done for me.

And by the way, welcome to MaleSurvivor.

Love ya

Darrel
 
time2heal - I like the name you chose, and this is the place to heal (as well as the time)!

You may experience a whole lot of different emotions as you travel down this path, but the more travelled a path is, the less rocky it becomes!

Best wishes ...Rik
 
Welcome, I can only say one thing; your life sounds exactly like mine. If you need anything PM me anytime. I am 40 and I went through what you are talking about in your post at 30 or 31. Wife, affair, realization about the molestation and its affects on my personality, forgiveness, recovery, survivor. I am happy you are here and are around so many good people. I love this site, I hate the reason why I come here but I cant stop coming, the guys here are so knowledgable and so helpful that you find yourself coming back time after time.

Again welcome,
 
time2heal,

I read your post and just want to say that I hear you loud and clear. As you've probably come to understand by now, most of us here share many of the same aspects of pain that talked about. I can especially identify with the following - -
Now as I lay at the bottom of this hole I look up and see hope... I see a third session with my T and many more to come. I see my anger dissipating with time. I also see others here who I would rather talk to under different circumstances but feel some odd comfort by knowing I am not the only one with this pain. I look forward to talking to you all.
Click to expand...
Welcome, My Friend. Hope you stick around. It's worth it.

Lots of love,

John
 
Time2heal, it is so encouraging to hear that you and your wife are wanting to work through these issues that could be hidden and suppressed no longer.

It may me too soon yet, but you will see the positives in arriving at this place in your life. This journey of confrontation and recovery and healing hurts like anything yet it also gives hope and help.

You mention
I also see others here who I would rather talk to under different circumstances but feel some odd comfort by knowing I am not the only one with this pain. I look forward to talking to you all.
Click to expand...
That is so nice of you to verbalise your openness and very brave to say, lets do this together. Theres great power and support in that. I look forward to getting to know you better also.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top