To retreat or not to retreat?

To retreat or not to retreat?
Nathan LaChine

Nathan LaChine

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Staff member
Brothers,

A hard question for me to answer and yet it needs to be asked. Do I go to the retreat or not? This time I say "Yes, I am going to the retreat." Who else is going to join me on this new adventure to find our selfs? One reason that I have been putting off going to a retreat is that I just did not know. I did not know anything about it so I am posting this to ask for anyone who has gone to a retreat or is plaining on going to the retreat to post here and lets all talk about it. How is this retreat going to work is it a one on one chat with a T or is a group work and we support each other? Is their going to be free time for us to meet one another and talk outside of group sessions?

lots of love, Nathan

PS: Lets so if we can break the last retreat's record of 23 men. Lets shoot for 30 plus of brothers or more.
 
I can not say about the male survivor retreats because I have not been to one. But going to other retreats with other organizations, I know that they had a very big impact upon my life. To me, it was so awesome when I got to meet other survivors face to face. The internet is great but that face to face meeting will always be the top thing I remember from them. Sharing with other survivors and just knowing that I am not alone was a big plus for me.

The first time I went, my therapist had been urging me to go to a local event and I was afraid someone there would know me and then know my story. So I really fought on this one and proved to her I wasn't going to go to this retreat by going to another national retreat. (It is still kind of funny when I think about it now). And in fact I didn't make any travel arrangements until the last moment because I wanted to give myself every out that I could give myself.

When I finally got there, I remember feeling so scared and nervous the first few moments (just like everyone else did). However once I started to talk to people, I quickly saw how I really fit in here and was not the misfit or the outcast.

I hope you go because the rewards you will get from this will probably outweigh the fears that you may face.

Don
 
Hay Bro.

You know I wud go with you! But unforunetly I seem to live on the other side of the world to you! So I will be there in sprit supporting you. Have fun m8, let me know how it goes!

Elliot.
 
Nathan,

I went to the Pilgrim Firs retreat in WA. It was a remarkable experience and I plan on going to the Level II retreat in Park City, UT in September.

I felt a sense of empathy and compassion that I hadn't felt in many years. I didn't think that it was possible to have real feelings come out that weren't related to abuse, etc. It was an extremely safe environment, and with the rain and the lakeside walks and the hot beverages, it was the best weekend I could have ever asked for. It was a welcome change to feel like I belonged and that I wasn't alone. The groups were amazing and the experiential setting allowed many different types of experiences to be had.

I knew of a few people who had a very difficult time, so support afterwards may be important, but I would recommend a retreat highly to anyone considering it.

Peace,
Scotty
 
Nathan,

First and foremost, let me emphasize that the retreats are extrememly safe. The ground rules include no drugs, no alcohol, no sex.

At the beginning, at the first group meeting, everyone is asked to state what he needs others to do or not do to ensure they will be comfortable and not triggered. Every request is taken seriously and honored.

It's a full schedule. But there is free time in the mornings before things start, at mealtimes, and at the end of the day.

There are full group activities and small group "sessions". In some of the full group activities you are sort of working independently, but together - could be alone, or small groups, pairs, just whatever feels right for you.

There was least one free time period scheduled, about half-way through if I remember correctly, where you could do whatever you wanted, alone, in a group or with another individual - again, whatever feels right and comfortable for you.

The small groups will be maybe 5 to 7 survivors, depending on the total attending, and two therapists. I think the small groups met once Friday, 3 times Saturday, and twice Sunday, but it's been almost 18 months for me. (I think there was a sample schedule posted somewhere on the site - but that may have been something I received by mail after I registered.)

Each small group meeting has a purpose or a goal and I think one was just for whatever the members decided, or wanted to get into.

The free time is just that, free. Grab a snack, talk to a person or people, write something, sit in a hammock and veg out, take a nap, whatever. (I'm not promising a hammock, our place just happened to have two, and it was summer.)

If someone has some trouble, or gets triggered or just can't deal with a particular activity or discussion, or just needs some extra one-on-one support, one of the facilitator/therapists will be there for you, for as long as it takes.

I cannot emphasize enough the caring and compassion of these people. I am not giving away any secrets to tell you that many, maybe most of them are Survivors too. They get it. They understand.

So much for the mechanics and schedules. As for the feelings, the experience, the value of this, I'll just link to what I and some others wrote after the retreat I attended.

It's a great thing, a wonderful thing to do. It was a turning point for me and I hope you can all get to experience a retreat.

https://www.malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=1;t=001082#000000


Donald
 
I hope that whatever decision you make works out for you. It is not a question to me, as I am not at all ready to do something like that yet. But I hope if you go it is a good thing for you. I wish you well.

leosha
 
Note to facilitators of this conference:

The Support Letter provided needs to be updated to reflect this retreat rather than the Pilgram Firs retreat.

I would so much like to attend this retreat. It is less than 3 hours drive from here. Still trying to figure out how to get it to fit in my budget.
 
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