to overwelmed to face any of it.

to overwelmed to face any of it.
L

lipsticklullabies

Registrant
i wanna get over this i want it to get better i wanna face it so i can "heal"
but its all so overwelming all the feelings come back at once and i loose my breath and my chest starts to hurt.
im confused of who did it.
im able to put the pieces together better than i could a year ago but i dont trust myself.
i know IM the only person that can figure this out because other than who did it im really the only perosn that knows what happened. and i cant very well go ask whoever did it, what they did because, even if i knew who did it, im never gonna talk to them about it!
But... I dont trust myself.
i start to put pieces together and then i think oh maybe that didnt happen, youre making that up. how do you know it happened.
so i could just go back on everything ive said and say that none of this happened at all.
but i KNOW SOMETHING happened because i know im not making up these scared feelings, sad feelings.....etc.
theres SOO much going on in my life right now. this past year has been so over welming.
Im trying to deal with this really big issue, that my mom hates me for. and i have to hide from most people.
on top of a lot lot lot of other things.

i cant believe i have to deal with all of this in one year. i feel like im never gonna shake this.
i just dont know how to deal with this.
i dont know what to do.
im so overwelmed, and i think im half afraid that im slipping back into a bad depression that i wont get out of.
i guess im asking for help from any of you if any of you know what to say to make me feel better or guide me in the right direction or just anything i just need something i just need someone

//josh
 
Josh,

You need to start by having faith in yourself. You need to be able to rely on you more than anyone else.

You dont have to deal with it all in one year, its taken me 20 years. No one will expect your "healing" to go at a pace that is more than you can deal with. Dont ever be afraid to say to yourself and others "slow down here, Im not comfortable with this..."

This is about you after all, no one should impose on this journey, you need to drive your own car down this long road called healing.

We are all here to listen, you have hundreds of people here who want to take some of the weight for you, were here to help each other.

Talk, keep posting, it may be a while but someone will always answer your questions. You have a wealth of knowledge and experience at your fingertips. Dont be afraid to ask, doesnt matter how silly it sounds, someone here will know where your coming from.

Ive been coming here 6 months and its really helped, so may people who just UNDERSTAND, they dont have to DO anything, they just understand.

Peace....

Look after yourself

Duncan
 
Josh,

The first thing that you have to do is breathe. This sex abuse stuff is difficult enough to deal with; it's nearly impossible if you forget to breathe.

The next thing that you have to do is talk to someone about your issues. This website is great but it will be very helpful to talk to a professional on a regular basis so he/she can help you figure this stuff out.

Go to your family doctor and tell him that you need a refrral to speak to a therapist who specializes in childhood sexual abuse issues. You can also go to see a counselor at school. Most of them should have some idea of these issues. They may be able to refer you to an appropriate counselor. You may also call your local rape crisis center and ask them to refer you to a counselor. Many of these services are free. I believe talking to a qualified therapist is essential in this recovery process.

God Bless,

Brian
 
Josh,

you are dealing with it better than you did a year ago.
That is a good sign.

A year is not a long time in healing, you are still floundering in hurt that isnt yours.
Dealing with so many emotions is pretty steep, try and find a way to divert them with a hobby or something you like.

I found that walking or cycling took my mind off things so I could fathom stuff out.
Just being able to talk in here about stuff is getting a little bit of the hurt out.

Take care,

ste
 
Josh,

I'm not sure why you think you have to deal with this all in one year. The first thing I hope you will do is offload this idea. Don't put yourself under this kind of pressure bro.

In any case, in all honesty I have to tell you - as Dunx has already done - that you won't deal with it in a year. It just doesn't work like that. Yes, in the short term you will learn to function and cope a lot better than you can now, but real recovery takes a lot of work and a lot of time.

What I see in your post, my friend, is a lot of confusion and desperation. Everything is hitting you from every direction at once: when I was where you are now I thought of it as a hurricane of emotions. It will help you a lot of you remember that you are not alone in these feelings; this is part of the way it is when you are new to recovery. Try to calm down a bit. Duncan is so right when he says you have to have faith in yourself. If you can, also try to trust us here when we tell you that you CAN get past this.

No one here will try to minimize or dismiss your fear. We know that is very real to you, and yes, it's a problem in itself that needs to be addressed. But again, you are not lost. You are not sinking. You are facing very real and frightening memories and feelings; you are keeping things real, and that's how it has to be.

Your closing lines moved me:

i guess im asking for help from any of you if any of you know what to say to make me feel better or guide me in the right direction or just anything i just need something i just need someone.
Click to expand...
Josh, that's what we all need - every last one of us. And that's why we're here. And that's why I'm glad you have said all this. That in itself is an act of courage. Hang with us and keep talking and posting. It will help a lot.

You will need therapy as well, and that may also be scary and seem impossible to you right now. Never mind, we will talk about that as well.

You are not alone Josh.

Much love,
Larry
 
Josh

I have exactly the same problem of self doubt. I keep convincing myself it couldn't have happened, my memory isn't right, I'm not right in head. I think i do this because admitting that these things really happened to me feels so awful, its easier to deny it to myself. I know this isn't a healthy way to deal with it but I've been doing it for so long (over 20 years) that its hard to turn around and face it.

I have been in therapy for only 3 months and although I have a long way to go. I feel like i'm on the right path and that the healing process can begin.

Josh, just wanted to let you know that your not alone in the way you feel. People in here seem very supportive so i'm sure you can get lots of help if you keep posting.
 
Josh,

i have to agree with what these other fine men have written. on't give yourself a time limit. Deal with it as best you can and it will get easier. I've heard 20 years for a couple of our brothers here. It's been 16 years since I first mentioned my abuse to anyone. That first year or so was the worst. then it got better. I go through spurts of healing now. I'm in a major "spurt" right now. I'm finding that an issue or 2 will come up that I can deal with and I do. Then I seem to take a break for a bit and then deal with some more. But this first year or so is the roughest. Hang in there. Just know we are all here for you.

Dale
 
When I first started dealing with the abuse I wanted to go as fast as possible so I could get to that place of peace, it was exciting and I wanted it more than anything, I wanted to start living my life so I wanted to deal with it all at once. I lived most of my life like that, hurry up, don't be late, don't want to miss anything, try to get the most out of it all. Running so fast I lost sight of it all, wanting things to work exactly like I wanted them to led to heartache. I still have to slow myself down so I don't miss the simple things.

I started going over the abuse at thirty or so and from there ten years later I hardly remember my children, or my wife. If someone asked me to give them the most important part of that ten years I could only tell them about the discovery, dealing with the abuse. I put all my efforts into it and gained a lot, but I did not balance it out with all the rest of my life.

Go slowly into the path of discovery, once the light is on it will not go out. You do not have to run to keep the light on, it is on becuase you seek the truth.

The truth waits patiently.
 
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