To forgive?

To forgive?

B.Hans

New Registrant
Every time I hear people talk about forgiveness in a context concerning trauma, I always wonder what "forgiveness" entails. There is a distinct possibility that my understanding of the word is off kilter from the rest of the world, it happens a bit with me, so I feel the need to check.
When I hear the word "forgive", it carries an implied, but very strong, sense of "it's ok", or "there's no longer a problem between us", and I feel like that's unhealthy at best.
If I'm misunderstanding something, I'd love to be corrected, and if anyone reading this has had success with this strategy, I'd be interested in discussing it.
 
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I have a simple definition for forgiveness. I am philosopher so I know it can be still improved but usually what I think is:
"To forgive is to treat someone so that your actions tell them he is not what he have done."

As you can tell this definition of forgiveness doesn't forget the evil made; but questions that the evil is the same as the person who did it. It is complicated because in a sense our desicions define who we are; but then there is always redemption. Forgiveness is treating someone so you make evident that you belief they can change; that they don't really want to do the evil they made.

I think is complicated, because giving someone the opportunity to change leaves us in a vulnerable position: "give the other cheek". It is like having a sore back and trying to give the one who beated us a hug. Probably, not the best idea.

And there is also this is also the possibility of missunderstanding of forgiveness and just forgetting the evil. In order to forgive we need first to ackowledge the evil that was made.

I think also that this gets in a very complicated situation in a daily basics. Because if you have to interact with someone every single day; and try to do as if nothing happen. This is not the right approach; the child inside needs to know that you will protect him, and that he is worthy. Some situations will raise issues and flashbacks; and sometimes it will be better to leave where you are; go for a walk or something. I don't know, really relationships are complicated and can get even more complicated with this issues. Hope you are doing well. And hope you can see good in the world.
 
I read a quote by a Mary McLeod Bethune that says: “Forgiving is not forgetting, it’s letting go of the hurt.”
 
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