Hi Danny, I haven't come out and said so, but I consider you a friend. As a friend sometimes we have to tell our friends things they may not want to hear. I am in that position today. You recently posted about you and your father on a message that Jasper started. I feel that I need to talk about it, so rather than distract from his message, I starting a new one. I could have sent this in a PM, but I think it has value for everyone.
You wrote,
There is an episode in my life involving my dad that occurred when I was about 18 months old and learning to walk. I do not remember any of it, because I was so young and it was so traumatic.
The story goes that I was in the bathroom alone with my father. He was shaving. Supposedly I reached up and grabbed ahold of the red hot electric coils in the bathroom wall heater. My father smelled the flesh burning, grabbed me up, put shaving cream on my hands and took me to the hospital.
It was only at the age of 40 plus years, that someone, my first therapist, made the observation that as human beings we do not have the ability to grab onto red hot objects...our instincts prevent us from doing so. And even children that small have that instinct.
The idea that my father burned my hands deliberately is one that send chills through me. He was at times a very cruel, violent man, who would react with great anger to minor provocations.
Even now as I write this, my hands are tingling. I have carried large scars on both of my palms for all of my life.
But I cannot remember what happened and so likely will never know.
A few years ago when this first came up in my therapy, I surreptitiously brought it up in a conversation with my older sister who remembered more of the episode than I.
As she was speaking, she mentioned remembering how I was brought home from the hospital with my tiny hands covered in bandages and she mentioned a yellow salve that covered the burns. As soon as she said that I instantly recalled the smell of that salve as it came flooding back into my nostrils.
The next words our of her mouth were, "You know they were afraid you would lose your hands; and that salve that they had to keep on you had some a peculiar odor to it."
Danny what happened to you was terrible, but I think it was just a accident. I really do.
The idea that my father burned my hands deliberately is one that send chills through me.
I hope in time you will accept that he did not do this to you.
He was at times a very cruel, violent man, who would react with great anger to minor provocations.
I am not going to try to change your mind on this, you probably have many other memories to confirm his cruelty, but if you come to believe that he is less cruel that would be a good thing would it not?
The story goes that I was in the bathroom alone with my father. He was shaving. Supposedly I reached up and grabbed ahold of the red hot electric coils in the bathroom wall heater. My father smelled the flesh burning, grabbed me up, put shaving cream on my hands and took me to the hospital.
I think this is what really happened. But if that is true, what about what your first therapist said to you?
It was only at the age of 40 plus years, that someone, my first therapist, made the observation that as human beings we do not have the ability to grab onto red hot objects...our instincts prevent us from doing so. And even children that small have that instinct.
Would your first therapist tell you a lie? NO! At least not knowingly. What your therapist told you is true, our every instinct tells us to let go, jump back, and scream out loud. However you did not grab hold of a red hot object in the normal since of the word. You grabbed hold of a red hot ELECTRICAL object, and that is a very different thing. In the navy we give lectures all the time, one of them is about Electrical Safety. The bathroom wall heater should have had a wire grid, that would have prevented this accident. And now, here is the information that I want you to read and take to heart. This is right out of a navy manual.
How much Electrical current does it take to kill a man?
When a 60 hertz alternating current, for example, is passed through a man from hand to hand or from hand to foot and the current is gradually increased from zero it will cause the following effects: (1) at about 1 milliampere (0.001 ampere) the shock is perceptible; (2) A\at about 10 milliampere (0.01 ampere) the shock is of sufficient intensity to prevent voluntary control of the muscles and a man may be unable to let go and free himself; (3) at about 100 milliampere (0.1 ampere) the shock is fatal if it lasts for one second or more.
This is what happened to you Danny, you had a strong enough current go through you, that it locked down your muscles, and you could not let go.
I hope this helps you to become closer to peace.
