To broke for mercy, about to crack
I noticed something recently. Healing comes with a price tag. Every book on surving abuse comes with a price tag, my therapist, no matter how kind, needs a 20 dollar copay and insurance, and a man with no skills, no job, and no means to support himself is just shit out of luck.
What the fuck am i supposed to do? I have no place to go right now. My mother is in an abusive relationship and i take the brunt of her boyfriends verbal abuse. I'm so depressed and out of my fucking head right now im almost ready to commit myself.
(And we all know how safe you are from abuse and molestation in government institutions)
I'm afraid that my mother may have abused me, that or im having some sort of breakdown, or extreme transferance, or something even worse. I'm 20 years old and she cooks my meals, pays for my rent, buys my clothes, and pays for my doctors bills. I've thought about running away, even before i suspected anything. Her boyfreinds treat me like shit and are always jealous of me. I am waiting on the government for Supplemental Sucurity Income, but i don't know how much longer i can wait before i flip. If they refuse me, i'm screwed, because i can't wait another 4 months for an appeal.
I have been sleeping days for a couple of weeks. Everybody thinks I'm going through more of the same crap but i've never felt this scared that something is going to give inside me. I have no where to go because my entire family is screwed up, and if i was abused further i don't know who could have been involved. I feel like i can't trust anbody. I tryed to tell my friends but i can't stop pretending like im in control.
I'm serious when i say my entire family. My Dads in prison, my mom was flipped out on herione when my memories are all shot to hell, i lived with my uncle for 6 months when i was waiting for my mom to get out of jail, my grandmother has a nervous disorder and everytime i go to her house i flip out and start reliving my trauma, so i wonder if she knows something. My younger half-brother is the one who abused me, and I confronted him about his abuse of me, even though i'm flipping right now, i thought i had resolved my conflict with him. I still do. My older half brother could have been involved in abuse, and i don't really know anybody else well enough to ask them if i could stay with them.
Where can i go? I feel like i need to get out, like NOW, but i don't have anywhere to go! I thought about a commune, but i dont know anything about that, i allready asked my friends, but they live with thier parents. I'm geniunly pissed, because i honestely thought i was getting better, but mostly im just scared. How can you take control of a life that was never really yours to begin with? Ive just been getting drunk and anchored myself, praying to whatever forces there be that i make it long enough to get the hell out of here. I dont know what to say to end this, but ill probably be checking the forum every night until i can dig myself out of this.
What the fuck am i supposed to do? I have no place to go right now. My mother is in an abusive relationship and i take the brunt of her boyfriends verbal abuse. I'm so depressed and out of my fucking head right now im almost ready to commit myself.
(And we all know how safe you are from abuse and molestation in government institutions)
I'm afraid that my mother may have abused me, that or im having some sort of breakdown, or extreme transferance, or something even worse. I'm 20 years old and she cooks my meals, pays for my rent, buys my clothes, and pays for my doctors bills. I've thought about running away, even before i suspected anything. Her boyfreinds treat me like shit and are always jealous of me. I am waiting on the government for Supplemental Sucurity Income, but i don't know how much longer i can wait before i flip. If they refuse me, i'm screwed, because i can't wait another 4 months for an appeal.
I have been sleeping days for a couple of weeks. Everybody thinks I'm going through more of the same crap but i've never felt this scared that something is going to give inside me. I have no where to go because my entire family is screwed up, and if i was abused further i don't know who could have been involved. I feel like i can't trust anbody. I tryed to tell my friends but i can't stop pretending like im in control.
I'm serious when i say my entire family. My Dads in prison, my mom was flipped out on herione when my memories are all shot to hell, i lived with my uncle for 6 months when i was waiting for my mom to get out of jail, my grandmother has a nervous disorder and everytime i go to her house i flip out and start reliving my trauma, so i wonder if she knows something. My younger half-brother is the one who abused me, and I confronted him about his abuse of me, even though i'm flipping right now, i thought i had resolved my conflict with him. I still do. My older half brother could have been involved in abuse, and i don't really know anybody else well enough to ask them if i could stay with them.
Where can i go? I feel like i need to get out, like NOW, but i don't have anywhere to go! I thought about a commune, but i dont know anything about that, i allready asked my friends, but they live with thier parents. I'm geniunly pissed, because i honestely thought i was getting better, but mostly im just scared. How can you take control of a life that was never really yours to begin with? Ive just been getting drunk and anchored myself, praying to whatever forces there be that i make it long enough to get the hell out of here. I dont know what to say to end this, but ill probably be checking the forum every night until i can dig myself out of this.
