To all the male survivors

To all the male survivors
R

reesersgrl

Registrant
I want to thank you all for having the extreme courage to openly discuss your experiences with abuse. Reading your entries helps me to understand what my B/F is going through. It allows me to see things from a different perspective. It helps me to be more patient. I can't tell you how many times I've read something that someone has written and I want to respond "YES! YES! THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT IS WITH HIM!!" I want so much for my B/F to log onto this sight. I feel like it would help him so much. He just isn't in that place yet. Hopefully someday. Until then, the sight is a very useful tool and you are very helpful people. Thank you--Vicky
 
Vicky,

Thank you!

I don't post a lot here, but I read a lot of what the F&F post. And they are truly the greatest. Some have had their own crap to deal with, others are supporting their partners and sharing about it here. It is refreshing sometimes to read what the others are saying instead of just us screwed up survivors.

I hope and pray that one day your bf will come here and find the support we can offer. And thank you for supporting another survivor. You're a courageous and compassionate lady.

Marc
 
Originally posted by SoCal_Marc:
It is refreshing sometimes to read what the others are saying instead of just us screwed up survivors.
Click to expand...
Ah.. be kind to yourselves!! Abuse survivors are not screwed up... you are all reacting completely NORMALLY to a highly abnormal experience!!!!! Its not that anyone who's gone through this is screwed up at all... its just the way humans react to such trauma.... totally normal.. not easy to deal with but completely normal considering the highly traumatic and ABNORMAL experiences you've had.

I have had many people in my past say that I needed psychiatric help on account of my "waves" of emotions.. my rapid mood cycling/mood swings.. my depression and anger and after a time I have come to also realize that I too was reacting completely NORMALLY to a highly abnormal, crazy, abusive childhood. And once I got away from that environment and started to be more self reliant, for the most part (relationships excluded which were still very difficult) I started to feel a lot better. I quckly learned that the rapid mood cycling, anxiety reactions, depression, anger issues, difficulties in relationships, ALL of that is my REACTION to what I went through and is NOT ME and NOT WHO I AM. It is what I do and those are two completely different things. Underneath it all I am a completely normal, sane, rational and great human being outside of this load of crap that has been put upon me, and I have no doubt that you all are just as normal, sane, rational and great!!

Let us all be kind to ourselves! We are survivors. We are all STILL HERE and STILL GOING despite evrything that has been thrown our way!!!!!!!!!! Three cheers for us! Mere mortals would melt under half of what we have endured!

Dunno what got into me today.. am in a very supportive mood today.. I have to make a presentation in front of a really difficult, and irritable board of directors today and am psyching myself up.. these guys are a real bunch of jerks who love to nail people to the wall publicly... I'm puttin' on my game face...

:)

P
 
YEAH!!!

PAS - You are always so incredibly articulate & accurate!!!

No one couldda said this better than you!

If I can add my $0.02 USD.... I'd also like to mention, especially to SCM, (you are SUCH a Sweetheart!!!) that many Survivors are really very accomplished people in the eyes of the rest of the world. Maybe it's because youze guys have had to spend so much of your lives giving yourselves the impression that everything is just *fine.* Outside of those in whom you trust enough to confide, there is very little reason to think that anyone suspects y'all of somehow being "out of control" of your lives (as a minimum standard). This may be one of the reasons why it's so difficult to "break the silence:" Youze don't want to shatter anyone's positive regard for your awesome competence. You seem to tend to be pretty driven people - possibly bec. you feel you are living on "borrowed time."

Y'all have my eternal admiration.
 
Vicky,

This site is here for you too. I think you've summarized just how I feel about Family&Friends... it is a place of patience and perspective. It's also a place of release... please don't feel shy adding your own two cents to a thread, even if it's just to say that you've been there too. The "I've been there too" responses help as much as anything.

PAS

You have me picturing all sorts of action movie sequences in which you use your incredible martial arts skills to take down a room of grumpy old guys with nail guns... :D
 
Wait...is it the grumpy old guys with nail guns...or is it me? :D Thanks for responding. I fully intend to make use of this sight for my own selfish purposes, in hopes that it will help me keep my sanity. ;) This is going to be a long, tough road. I hope to hell I can hang in there. I have read and taken from so many posts. The familiarities are amazing. I feel bad saying I feel good that other people are going thru the same S*&^!! It really does help to know that there are others out there who get where I'm coming from. It ain't easy :) The unpredictable mood cycling is THE WORST!!! I feel built up and close to my b/f only to come crashing down a little while later. The positive stuff is way up here ^^^^and then comes all the negative stuff, which makes for a harder crash. :confused: :( Thanks again--I'll be baaack. Vicky
 
Originally posted by SAR:
PAS

You have me picturing all sorts of action movie sequences in which you use your incredible martial arts skills to take down a room of grumpy old guys with nail guns... :D
Click to expand...
"aah.. i use my powers for good, not evil".. wuaahaahaa..

would love to say that I prevailed.. but.. oh man.. I got skewered :( ... but in the overall sense of things, while I did not succeed in my overall mission, internally, and for myself, I am so proud of myself.. I remained calm, centered, I laughed in the face of adversity.. ha ha!! (no I didnt.. I got really mad AFTER the fact but in the meeting I stayed cool)... I also am so proud that I stayed buffered to self-blame and self criticism and looked at the situation objectively.. and didnt turn it into a "I am horrible, I suck" moment and looked at the inadequacies of the weird situation I was in instead of blaming myself.

Yeah for me!

Whoop whoop!!

P
 
Ladies,

I am sorry I have not read here for awhile. Some physical junk going on.

I am grateful to "youze" (couldn't resist :D ) for all of the encourgement and setting me straight on the negative adjectives I use. Old man, old habits :p .

Thanks to all of the heroes on this forum.

Marc
 
Youze iz welcome!


;)
 
I do not post so much in 'open' part of this site. But I know there lot of good advice and lot of good things share here. I hope all it help you and him.

andrei
 
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